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bf-ing vent
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jlcohen78 posted:
As I've posted, DD is 18 months old and still nursing. Several times a day. And a few times at night as well. I've been taking the approach of her leading the way. In early December, she had dropped down to 2 sessions a day but after being in the hospital for 3 days in December/January she picked up a few more sessions. And as you know, we've had a rough few months with the seizure issues and have been in and out of the hospital again. Needless to say so I've been more than happy to be able to bring her some comfort during these rough times. But gosh darn it, I'm kind of frustrated with it. I don't know if she's teething or what but all weekend long all she wanted to do was nurse. Sometimes it was for comfort. Other times it wasn't. She is so attached to me and it's wearing me thin. Even if I'm not nursing her, she has to have me within reach at all times. I'm not sure if its the typical separation anxiety or what. But I need a break and the only time I get it is Tuesday-Friday mornings when I'm at work. I love nursing her and I want her to lead the way with weaning but it seems like we're regressing. I swear she nursed more now than she did as a newborn! Ok, not really but you get my drift. And because of the seizure issues, I feel guilty for trying to wean her --- even if it's just 1 or 2 sessions. I'm not sure where exactly I'm going with this. I guess it's just a vent. AF is due any moment now --- which could also be why she's nursing so much if my supply is down. I want to continue with this but at the same point I'm ready to move on. She's been through so much lately and I just don't want to take away her one true source of comfort.
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kristinrayerootes responded:
I can understand why you feel bad! Does she take regular milk if you would offer that during those times? I don't want to be that bad person that encourages you do quit, I would never do that, but remember that your sanity is important too. You are also a person with needs! I quit nursing when Macie 11.5 months old and I just couldn't take it any more. I was actually starting to feel uncomfortable with it. In terms of needing to be within reach, Macie can be so horribly bad about this too. This morning was a prime example. I read about those who say their child will play for an hour happily all on their own and I wonder if I did something wrong...okay, that is a different rant and one I have contemplating turning into a separate post. So enough about that....

Hang in there and do what you feel is best for both of you!
 
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jlynnpaine responded:
I'm so sorry! I know that doesn't help much and I cannot even imagine how scary it would be to go through all of that with the seizures and being in and out of the hospital. My SIL is epileptic and I know when she was little it was very scary when she would have seizures, though at least they knew why she was having them. I can only imagine how draining it must be to be so worried all the time and then have DD be so reliant on you for comfort. My DD is still nursing too and when she got sick a few weeks ago all she wanted to do all day and all night was nurse. Is there any way you could take a couple hours this weekend and leave DD with DH or your ILs and get some time to yourself to recharge? You shouldn't feel guilty if you decide to cut back from a few of the nursing sessions. You need to take care of you too. Does she have a comfort item or lovey type thing? I recently weaned my DD from her middle of the night feedings and we switched from bottles to cups during the day and she has gotten even more attached to her little kittens that she has as loveys at our house and my Mom's. Maybe you could encourage her to bond with something like that so that she doesn't feel the need to have you right there beside her all the time. Just a suggestion.
Anyway, just wanted to simpathize and wish you the best.
 
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MontanaMama2009 responded:
Jaime,

I nursed my first two girls until they were 2...and a half.

It eventually lessens to just morning and nighttime...and then to nothing.

I think the closeness you and DD share while nursing can't be matched. She's had some pretty severe struggles in her young years, and the comfort and peace that you provide might be her only link to feeling like her world isn't going to crash in around her.

I understand that she's bfing more now...but for all the reasons you stated above.

And I understand how tired you must be. Your plate is full. You want your time away...to have your body back again.

But your child needs this, Jaime.

Hang in there. I promise, it'll get better soon.
 
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jlcohen78 responded:
Thank you girls for your support.

Kristin -- I've tried offering her milk during those times but most of the time she'll grab the cup and throw it across the room. Temper! Temper!

jlynnpaine -- She doesn't have a lovey. In fact last night I brough a blanket into bed with us with the hopes that this could be her lovey. And you're right --- I do need to recharge myself. I haven't had a break since before her last hospital stay and the beginning of this month.

And Kim --- that is just what I needed to hear. And my exact feelings (and why I'm torn). She does need this! I think I'm just mentally drained and probably need to call my therapist, lol!
 
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mommyof12b2 replied to jlcohen78's response:
Hi Jamie,
Who could add more after Kim's great response. I just wanted to echo what she said. My DD still nurses alot too so I feel your pain about wanting a little space.

Hang in there! Maybe you can ask your mom to watch the kids a little longer one day and go get a mani/pedicure!! You deserve it and it makes you feel soo relaxed.
 
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simerlm responded:
Wow! Kim said it all. I'm right there with you. Aly still nurses a lot too. Although I don't have seizures to deal with (bless your heart) I still feel guilt about stopping because of her prematurity. I didn't get to start nursing her until she was about 3.5 months old. She just couldn't do it. So, I worked so hard to get her to nurse that it seems unfair to take it away when she still wants it. A lot of it is comfort nursing as well. I had 5 long weeks when she was in the NICU that I was unable to comfort and protect her when she needed it, so that makes it hard too. I just wanted to let you know that I am right there with you, girl.

Aly is really attached to me as well. I can't even go to the bathroom without her. As a matter of fact, as I'm typing, she is crawling up on my lap. LOL My last break was in December when I went to a movie with my sister. We need to just work it out so that we can get some time to recharge. I don't know when, but we should make a pact that we both will do it!
 
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leftcoastgirl responded:
I feel your pain, too! I nurse DD (who is 21 months) and plan to until she self-weans. But she too is going through a phase where I swear she sometimes nurses more than a newborn!! I pretty much let her nurse on demand - but I don't nurse in public anymore, so there are some times when I tell her no (if she persists, I'll usually take her to my car or somewhere private to nurse while I'm outside the house).

Good luck with your BFing! Keep doing whatever is right for you - but do make sure you're making time to take care of yourself. Your daughter needs her mom to be happy and healthy - not stressed and run down!!
 
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jlcohen78 replied to simerlm's response:
Misty ---- THANK YOU! Reading your response about how attached Aly is to you really makes me feel better. I guess I should just enjoy it while I can because in 10 years, I'll be lucky to get a kiss good-bye!
 
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molly88888 responded:
If your ready to move on than I would. There is no sense in being so frustrated with this, on top of everything else. There is no sense in pushing yourself, if your that frustrated. maybe it's time to wean her away, if all she is using it for is for comfort. I think that the closeness that comes with breastfeeding, can be matched. It very well can be. There is all sorts of things you can do, so that she still feels comforted. If anything, i think it will just be harder on you both to keep going, if your stressed about it. I say let it be. You do have a full plate and you have done AWESOME making it this far. Be proud of that and stop pushing yourself.
 
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ad1978 replied to molly88888's response:
I completely agree with molly, but I think jaime really wanted to hear everyone say to keep going.

nothing wrong with continuing, but nothing wrong with stopping either. I just hope you don't torture yourself over this--just make a decision and be at peace with it. Either way will be OK, and you can comfort her either way.
 
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roni090909 responded:
Hey Jamie, Whatever you decide to do you are a better woman than me LOL I only made it a yr. I completely understand why you are still doing it and don't want to wean her. And I understand why you do want to wean her. Hopefully the seizures will stop and she can take comfort in something else for a little while and you won't have to make the hard decision. You are just overwhelmed right now. I think if any of us were in your shoes we would be too. You are doing great and just keep doing what you think needs to be done.
 
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Ryannbaby responded:
I agree with Molly. If you are ready for this stage to come to an end, there is nothing wrong with that. You should not feel as though you're letting your child down, or denying her comfort. There are endless ways that you can comfort your child other than BF'ing.

I personally feel that BF'ing over the age of 1 is a bit much, but obviously, extended BF'ing is important to you - so you should feel accomplished that you have made it this far.
 
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jlcohen78 replied to Ryannbaby's response:
"I personally feel that BF'ing over the age of 1 is a bit much....."

Really? That's a bit uncalled for since I wasn't looking opinions on extended bf-ing.
 
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MontanaMama2009 replied to jlcohen78's response:
Jamie, I wouldn't read too much into that statement. For some women, just the thought of their mammary glands being used for that reason makes them shudder with fright (not that that's how Ryannbaby feels that way...but some women totally can't fathom bf-ing)...some women try and can't...some women bf for a bit...and some women do so for an extended period of time.

Don't let that comment upset you, sweetie. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you. Some women just aren't that into breastfeeding, is all.


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