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It seems to me...**vent**
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KatieS83 posted:
*this will be a long one*

Most of us are having one of those days....Where everyone around us is just driving us crazy! I'm gonna sit myself on that same bench. DH is my main source of anger today. Without going into full details, he just has self entitlement issues. He thinks every time i get a little money or anything he is entitled to it all and that he should say where it all goes, I'm getting a refund from my student loans soon ( i hope) i want to use it to take care of some debts we have (a court issue from a previous apartment), Get myself some new clothes (since its been over 2 years since i've had clothes and none of them fit this includes under garments), i need to get DS summer clothes, and start planning for the new LO, and set some money aside to move, and fix our car.

He wants to take this money and buy another car that will potentially cost $500+ to fix just to get it road worthy never mind registering it! AND fix the current car we have which will cost only 200-300 to fix completely. THEN he wants to buy a new TV (when the ones we have work fine) totally forget about our court obligation all together. He wants to take about 1/3 of my refund and send it to his Ex GF for child support, then buy his daughter a new bed and clothes (these two i have no issue about until he showed me the bed his ex gf wants us to get is close to $500 without the mattress) With those few things, that would barely leave me $200 to get DS summer clothes, and me clothes, which i could swing, but there would be nothing saved for a potential move in the next few months.

I'm so angry with him. Then it turns into a fight about his so-called job which isnt on the books, his boss for some reason wont put him on the books, which means the state wont take his child support out, and he forgets to pay it! i cant baby sit him to make sure hes doing what he needs to do as responsible adult.I feel awful cuz i said some not so nice things to him, in the same respect i feel like i ment them too. I just cant figure out how to make him see that he's being selfish. He says to me that he spends his check on this and that (food diapers etc) I'm looking at him dumbfounded ready to kill! Is he really complaining about taking care of his family??? I feel like such an inconvenience to him after that comment. I'm starting to think i have serious decisions to make in regards to whether is healthy for me and DS to even stay with him. This has only become a serious issue since he started working for this other guy. Everyone he opts to associate with are scumbags, they scam people and then turn around and play innocent and the victim, and he's starting to act the same way.

Poor DS! He cut his foot on the floor this morning (we have old wide board pine floors) one of the nails must have popped up and he cut his one of his toes on it. I felt so bad, i was starting to worry cuz it was bleeding pretty good, and i was having a hard time getting it to slow down. It finally stopped, but his poor little foot hurts! hes been walking funny on it all morning/afternoon.
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MontanaMama2009 responded:
Boy, Sista, you're having one difficult morning.

I scooted over for you...on the bench, I mean.

* the refund from student loans can go exactly where you want it to...right? Why give it over? Except if those vehicles ARE needed, then that's okay. But new TVs? I wouldn't do it. Even if we HAD no TVs. Seems like the $$ should be spent on bills, first and foremost.

* As for the $$ going to support his other child, again, only for necessities. And a $500 bed is not a necessity. Plus, that child is not YOUR responsibility. You have your own child to take care of FIRST. I could find you a $50 bed on Craigs list today. LOL You get my point, I'm sure.

* As for payment under the table, maybe that's the only job he can find? I dunno. But his child support payments to children other than yours is NOT your worry or concern. So try not to make it your concern.

___________________

Sorry, just spent an hour in judge's chambers, LOL

To sum it up, all men have their flaws. Some more than others. Some days, it's easier to handle them...some days not so easy.

I sure hope your afternoon goes better.

Thinking of you...KIM
 
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KatieS83 replied to MontanaMama2009's response:
I know men have their flaws, we have ours too, DH is huge Craigslist fan. I made it clear i was not spending $500 on a bed that was only going to be used 4 nights a month AND it wasnt fair in the sense that we cant even afford a toddler bed for DS yet and the new LO's crib was a craigslist find! lol. The refund can go to whatever, its like a tax refund twice a year except i have to pay it back. His job situation why i'm frustrated with it, i know there other things out there, i still get calls from applications from 6-8 months ago, sadly where i have to explain to them i'm currently pregnant and disabled due to complications with the pregnancy. I know he just isnt looking. I called DH a Drama Queen earlier, it seems he lives for Drama lately, i also told him he needed to go back to high school if all he cares about is others peoples issues (meaning whose sleeping with who, his boss "gets around" which is another reason i dont like that guy, hes a womanizer and i dont DH picking up on that crap and bringing it home) at that point i will be forced to hurt him severely :)
 
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molly88888 responded:
Sorry about the horrible morning. It seems a $500 bed should be out of question right now, you can find new/used beds cheaper, but not because she isn't your responsibilty, it just seems you have other things more neccesary right now. I wouldn't let him get a way with all this, and i would seriously look into what is healthy for the little guy and yourself right now. It seems he just doesn't have priorities set straight at all. I don't think you shoudl shed out a big chunk of money on his back support, he should pay extra a week to catch it up. Well, my main concern was you saying DS cut his toe on a nail today, I wanted to tell you that he shoudl probably get checked out, because whenever I have hear of someone getting a cut by nail, they are supopse to receive a tetanus shot, I have cut my hand accidently by a knife and had to recieve a shot. I didn't want him to develop tetanus from it, but I looked up how young they could get the shot and didn't get a clear answer. Just maybe you might want to look into that, maybe call his dr to be sure. Tetanus can be really painful. I am sure the old wooden floors have some rusty/dirty nails...that can't be good.
 
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KatieS83 replied to molly88888's response:
i shouldve clarified that most of the really old nails (from the 1700's) were removed, and newer nails were put in. I do agree, i forgot all about Tetanus it never crossed my mind. I think what he may got caught on was a nail in the handicapped ramps that are only about 8 months old, as you walk on them the nails tend to push up and i check them everyday, but theres always one sneaker in there. Hes got a sick visit coming up Friday i will mention it to them then. Hes a tough one with vaccines though, some vaccines are made out of Eggs which he is allergic to, as far as i know he can never (at least until he may grow out of it) a Flu shot.

Yeah the bed thing irratates me on so many levels, I know this isnt ideal, but we have a good quality Air mattress thats usually what we pull out for her (full size) with all the fixins, pillows, blankets, her favorite stuffed animals etc. We bought it for her when we were living in a tiny one bedroom apt. Like i said its 4 nights out of an entire month (equivalent to sleepovers when she gets a little older) No one (not even his SiL who is very critical of everything) thought that was an issue for her to sleep on as it sits almost 12 inches off the floor maybe a little higher. its not like we are making her sleep on the floor. That air mattress is more comfortable then my bed. I dont know, There are certain things that come up between him and his Ex that just makes me nutty. This sleeping thing wasnt an issue a year ago its just became one after this last weekend.
 
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molly88888 replied to KatieS83's response:
Well after checking I realized that some Lo's are suposed to get the tetanus shot at 15 months..and I had forgotton what age your Lo was?

I must clarify too, that it doesn't matter how old the nail was, new/old it could still cause tetanus, the knife i cut my hand on wasn't old or rusty and the hospital still suggested I get one. Better to be safe than sorry..I'm just concerned for him is all.

On another note-it is not Dh's ex's place to pick out a bed for your home where his daughter stays the weekend. I can understand her wanting her to be in a bed (obviously in a little aprtment, the air mattress was a good alternative when there is no room) but there are better altternatives than such costly ones. Especially since you have important obligations. Other children matter as equal to the little girl, and you have to get things for them too (clothes, crib, toddler bed ect) so your Dh needs to wake up.
 
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roni090909 responded:
You sound just like me and your DH sounds just like mine. This is just my opinion but he needs to pay his ex with his money not yours. He has a job so HE needs to step up and take care of his other child, not you.

This is your money and I would spend it how I wanted to. I would pay off the debt that you wanted to, buy the new clothes, and put some aside. If there is any left you can give him some. I would not buy that TV or car. He could take the little bit that is leftover and give it to the ex. What you want to do with the money is a whole lot smarter then what he wants to do.
 
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staceydflowers replied to MontanaMama2009's response:
I am sorry but this PISSED me off.

I am a step-child. And you are basically saying to hell with her needs" because she isn't hers. She is a CHILD. She needs to be taken care of as if she were her own. SHe is a DEPENDENT.
So you are "saying" that I shouldn't have been taken care of as well as my younger brothers who were blood related to my step-father. They should have gotten what they needed before me. Right??
 
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MontanaMama2009 replied to staceydflowers's response:
OMG.
 
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staceydflowers replied to MontanaMama2009's response:
No, seriously.

I agree with trying to find a cheaper bed. There is no reason for getting a $500 bed if that's not what you want.

But you shouldn't tell someone "Plus, that child is not YOUR responsibility. You have your own child to take care of FIRST."

That child is in fact partly her responsibility. She is married to the father therefore the child becomes a step-child. And there comes responsibility with that.
 
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gracesmom09 replied to KatieS83's response:
Hey. I can see where you are coming from on the bed situation. But wanted to give you my thoughts if it helps at all. I am single. One day when my ex gets married and Grace has to go visit I would hope that she would have a regular bed just like any other future children he may have. I would hope that his house even if just a few days a month would still feel like "home" to her. I don't think you need to spend $500 for a bed. But I do think it would be nice if she had her own bed at the house. Again just my thoughts from imagining my daughter in that situation.
 
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molly88888 replied to staceydflowers's response:
I agree. I hate it when people don't understand taht when you are married it is all one family. There shouldn't be "his children" "my children" "our children"..they are all children for crying out loud, and they don't undersatnd blood or boundaries. So yes..i believe the statement "that child is not YOUR responsibility" is a little irritating. What in the world does it matter? But..Katie cleared it the other day that she loves this child like her own- when her last post rubbed me a little wrong. I just think people can be so selfish. all chilldren want is to be loved..they don't see lines.
 
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MontanaMama2009 replied to staceydflowers's response:
stacey,

Absolutely, stepchildren, adopted children, foster children, neighbor kids...all need to be properly cared for and made to feel special and loved.

I was only commenting as to step-mom being required to dish out $500 for a bed.

and I'm frugal. I would spend $50 for a bed for my OWN children. I did not mean to convey that step-children deserve to be locked away in a dungeon with bread and water.

You're absolutely right. After re-reading my post, it DID sound that way.
 
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roni090909 replied to molly88888's response:
When I read this post I took it as he makes his own money, so its not like she supports the family but he forgets to do what he needs to do for his child. Not saying she shouldn't love and cherish the child but really he needs to remember to pay his child support, not wait until she happens to get some free money and then spend it on that. He should be taking care of this with every check he gets and extra if he needs to, not some random free money that she gets. This money is much better spent on bills and debt then her paying back and ex, he needs to do that. She said in the original post she has no problem with buying a bed just not a $500 bed. Which I think is reasonable.

I just think you all are reading a little too much into Montana Mommas post. Again, just another one of the fun things about the typed word vs the spoken word.
 
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staceydflowers replied to MontanaMama2009's response:
And I agreed about the $500 for a bed. I wouldn't pay that for my children either. This post just hit close to home and it bothered me that someone would say that to someone.

And it makes me think and feel for all those children who are actually treated like that. (Not saying that in this situation they are, but other familes in similar situatuations.)


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