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Feeling Humiliated
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elegi23 posted:
So, CPS met with me last Thursday, and let me tell you, it didn't go so well. I have never felt so humiliated in my life. So, since she saw that there was nothing wrong with Ellie developementally, she attacked me about BFing. I had PPD, I get constant panic attacks b/c of some of the things that happened with my exboyfriend, so I am on some medications. All have been prescribed.... however, while I was on vacation (in Feb) I had a panic attack in the airport, so I went to a urgent care there. They were well aware I was BFing, b/c I BF in front of the dr, and he prescribed me valium, said pump and dump if you double up the doses. Okay, not a problem. I also take percocet for severe pain and was told to pump and dump (this was by my primary doctor). Plus, we're trying to wean, and she's down to eating in the middle of the night and right before bed. No other time. But yet, the CPS lady made a HUGE deal about it. She said I shouldn't be BFing anyway, she said she only BF her daughter for the first 3 months, and that I should NOT be bfing after 6 months. I just looked at her stunned. She said she's going to call my doctor and make sure that he approves all the medicines I'm taking. She made this huge deal about me getting valium while I was on vacation, b/c she said I went behind my doctor's back, but I was on vacation for 7 days and didn't want to not enjoy my vacation b/c I was having a complete panic attack.

Ugh, I'm just so upset. I've decided to just cut my daughter off from BFing, instead of slowly trying to wean. Yesterday, I only fed her in the middle of the night. I figure, if I just call CPS and tell her, look, you did your job, you humiliated me for choosing to bf, I'm done, I'll quit, just drop it please. I'm not a bad mom, why am I being nitpicked?
Me (22), DH(29) DD Eleora Marylin 07/23/09
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TyPatrick08 responded:
Are you serious!!!!!!!!!! If she had any brains... BF is all the nutrition a baby needs in the first year of life. And Kudos to you for BF into the second year of life! Who cares that she only BF her daughter for 3 months.. AAP recommends exclusively BF for the first 6 months of life so she is an IDIOT!!! I am sorry I feel so bad for you. I say you slowly wean her its not your daughters fought that some idiot does not know what she is talking about! I would be calling her supervisor she is obvisouly jealous that you are able to provide that very nutritious milk for your 13 month old. You are FAR from a bad mom... you are giving your daughter the best stuff any mother could!
Me (23) DF (25) Tyler born 11-19-08 7lb9oz 20 1/2 inc 18 month check up 26lb 33in
 
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mol13 responded:
Yes, they're ridiculous. The AAP recommends at least 1 year of BFing; the WHO recommends at least 2. That nasty old crone needs to get her facts straight. And if you want to keep BFing, you do it, and call that lady's supervisor.
 
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cdjd82406 responded:
If I were you I would call to speak with her supervisor. They are not allowed to do that! I had a CPS worker do that to me and I called to speak with her supervisor. boy did she get chewed out and big time. You are the only one who can advocate for yourself. And I give you really big kuddos for the BFing.
Me(28), Hubby (26), Brooke (9), Marcus (5 1/2), Jennifer (3 1/2), Ashleigh (19 months), Emily Nichole (7/18/10)
 
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elegi23 replied to cdjd82406's response:
I'm supposed to call her today so she can fax me a release form so she has access to all my medical records. I really don't feel comfortable letting the government in on my medical history. I feel that its just wrong and embarassing. I know I should just do what she says and let her have access but this is just so hard for me. I don't know what her supervisor will do though. I think I'll get that I'm not cooperating with them if I refuse them access to my medical records. I gave her all my prescription bottles, she knows what I'm prescribed. I don't want to lose my baby. I can't stop crying. I'm so upset. Why can't they bother people that really don't care about their children? Like kids that don't even have food, running water or electricity. I feel so stressed out I really want to pick back up smoking.

Sorry for the vent. I'm just falling apart.
Me (22), DH(29) DD Eleora Marylin 07/23/09
 
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DDK2005 replied to elegi23's response:
That is absolutely ridiculous!!! I breast fed my DD until 15mo & honestly every once in awhile when she's sick & she wants it she gets it....Im guessing you dont want to speak to her supervisor for fear of retaliation, but honestly once this is all cleared up you may want to reach out to them or talk to the woman yourself. Call your doctor and have a consult with them, so they are aware that she doesn't believe in bf'g. Do not think you are a bad mom by any means!!!

Hang in there, they will not take your DD away. Stay strong & continue being a great mom! To imagine this all started because of your mom - I hope you have the strength to never speak with her again!
Me: Dee (36), DH: Ken (36), DD: Ava 3/26/09 5lbs 15oz, 19.5 in - at 13mo chk up weighed 18.2lbs
 
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paytonsmommy09 responded:
I can't offer any advice because I have never been in your shoes. However, I have to agree with PP and say call the old battle axes supervisor. If you have a reoccuring prescription for valum than obviously the doctors feel you need them. It would be different if you were doctor hopping (like my SIL) to get your prescriptions. It is obvious that you are doing as you are told.

Hang in there! Things have a way of working themselves out.

Sending happy vibes your way!
SARAH (31), JASON (DH), PAYTON (7.8.09), 3 FUR CHILDREN
 
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breezy_83255 responded:
Hang in there!!! There is NOTHING wrong with bfing over a year. It's a wonderful thing! I wish I was still nursing DD, but she weaned herself at 9 months :(. I nursed DD1 part-time (just like you're doing) until she was around 16 months. Definately talk to a supervisor and let them know exactly what she's put you through. No one should ever be made to feel that they could lose their precious baby because they're doing what's right for them!! I know people, and have personally worked with children, in homes full of dog and cat feces. The houses are horrible messes, but they still have their children. Is bfing past 3 months really worse than sleeping in cat poop? I really don't think her supervisors would think so!
 
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leftcoastgirl responded:
Lurking here ...

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Although I don't know your entire story, I wanted to join others in supporting your extended BFing. My DD is 26 months old and still nursing. I agree that you should lodge some sort of complaint about the CPS worker. She is incredibly misinformed, and if she's recommending that children be separated from their parents because of extended BFing, her ignorance is downright dangerous. If you have a BFing support organization - like La Leche League - in your area, you might be able to reach out to them for help.
 
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Ryannbaby replied to elegi23's response:
I would just do what you have to do to get these people off your back. You have nothing to hide, so just abide by what they are asking so you can be done with it.
However, when this is all said and done, I would without question contact her supervisor. Actually, I would contact the highest person of authority there and tell them about the way she treated you regarding BF'ing. She was TOTALLY out of line.
 
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bgabert responded:
I am so sorry you have to go through this BS Elegi!

I am actually angry at this woman. ANY doctor will tell you that the longer you BF the better!! I wonder if you could talk to your dr and have them stress that point to her?

I don't think you should have to stop stone cold. I think you should be able to continue on slowly weaning her. Besides, isn't slow weaning better for HER!!??

I do agree with other PP, just do what it takes to get them off your back.. but it really frustrates me that you have to do that. You shouldn't have to totally change your 'game plan' because of her personal views on BF. And if your dr. Rx you those meds, obviously they are safe.. and you have strict instructions from them anyways.

Just know that you are NOT a bad mom, and nothing this woman says should ever make you second guess yourself.
Bri (24), DH Jarrod (28), DD Emery (6/15/2009), Baby 2 EDD 2/13/2011
 
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jlynnpaine responded:
That woman is SO out of line. She is putting her personal beliefs out there as gospel and that is so wrong. I would not stop cold turkey and I would not stop until you're ready to. Don't let this woman make you feel bad for BFing your DD. I would certainly make a complaint. Who on earth has ever been in trouble with CPS for BFing their child? She needs to move on to someone who is actually a problem and help those children.
 
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elegi23 replied to jlynnpaine's response:
I've been putting off calling her. I know I need to, but I am completely stressed out. I will probably call her later, and give her my fax number, but I really really feel strongly about giving her access to my medical information. I don't think she needs to know that I had PPD, or I have panic attacks. It doesn't affect me as a mom. It made me a little more depressed, and I actually felt like a horrible mom while I had PPD. I don't want her to know that stuff. I'm just scared of losing my daughter I guess.
Me (22), DH(29) DD Eleora Marylin 07/23/09
 
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jlynnpaine replied to elegi23's response:
I'm so sorry. I wouldn't want to give her my medical records anyway. Is it possible to request a different caseworker? This one just seems to have her priorities way off. I don't blame you for being scared but I don't see how they could possibly take your daughter away when there are children who are actually being abused that CPS leaves in the home with the people who are abusing them. That is just so messed up. Again, I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
 
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sarahaguirre replied to elegi23's response:
First off, you poor poor thing!

Honestly I think this social worker is a nut case. BFing is recommended for the first year of their life. Just like some babies have a hard time weaning off the bottle some need more time weaning off of their mommies. I wouldn't rush it. I also don't blame you for being weirded out by her viewing your medical records. I mean if she's holding BF'ing against you I can only imagine what she'd think about PPD. I would ask for a different case worker and talk to a supervisor. I know you're nervous to call but the quicker you call the quicker these issues can be resolved and you can move forward.
Me (27) DH (27) DD Stella born 3/10/2009 Baby Boy's EDD 1/28/11


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