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Vent - so annoyed!
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Silver623 posted:
BIL and his wife are due to have a baby next month. We are so excited for them and I can't wait to meet my first nephew!! Anyway, since DH and I knew that DD was our last bay, we have offered them everything as soon as we've been done with it. This includes, DS's whole nursery set, including bedding, lamp, decorations, etc., travel system, swing, 2 playmats, bottle warmer, bottle sterilizer, wipes warmers, front carrier, blankets, burp cloths, DS' whole first year of clothes, seriously everything! So I went on her registry since her baby shower is next week and she registered for a new nursery set, a new swing and a few other things that we have given them. I am sooooo annoyed. I always asked them and gave them the option to take what they wanted. They chose not to take a few things that they wanted to pick out on their own or just didn't like of ours. I totally understand wanting some new stuff or to pick out stuff for your baby but what really makes me mad is that they took stuff and then registered for the same stuff. So what are they doing with our stuff? It's in great shape and I could have sold it, but I was nice and offered it to them first and they took it. Their house is tiny so I know they have no room for 2 swings....so what will they do with the swing I gave them? And the bedding set? Am I being petty or do I have a right to be annoyed?
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paytonsmommy09 responded:
I would be hurt if someone did that to me. However, on the flip side maybe they registered for the same stuff so they can leave it at the grandparents house. Just a thought.
SARAH (31), JASON (DH), PAYTON (7.8.09), 3 FUR CHILDREN
 
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Silver623 replied to paytonsmommy09's response:
Her mom is a day-care provider who already has all that she needs and DH's mom has bought stuff as she needed it for when our kids visit. Good thought, though. :) I wish I could ask what they are doing with that stuff, but if they actually sold it, I would be beyond mad, so maybe it's better not knowing.
 
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cheeezie25 responded:
I see what you are saying. DS was the first grandchild on both sides so all of the stuff we got him was new. I get that with their first child, they might want new stuff, especially if they plan on having more kids (like, there is only so long a swing will work until it breaks, KWIM?). And you, there is something about it being new, and having the baby shower... I could give a crap now about stuff being new if I were to have a second, but remembering back to when I was pregnant, I get that.

BUT, the fact that they took stuff and then registered for the same stuff... that is weird. I dunno... I think I would ask about it. Like "hey, I saw you registered for another swing... was our swing not good enough? lol"... something like that said in a joking way. I would be pretty pissed if they sold it. A) YOU, who originally owned it could have sold it or b) you could have at least kept some of it as a keepsake. Personally, I would investigate... I would be too curious not to poke around and find out where your stuff is going to end up.
 
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ad1978 replied to cheeezie25's response:
I actually think that they registered b/c someone said they "have to" in order to have a shower...but maybe they're planning on returning/exchanging the shower gifts?

You should ask, in a casual way, if possible. Or maybe wait until after the shower to see what they actually receive, and if it is all the same stuff, then say something...find out if they no longer need your stuff and just say if that is the case, you could take it back and donate it/sell/etc.
 
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Silver623 replied to ad1978's response:
Well they registered for their crib, changing table, rocking chair, bottles, baby monitor and a few other things that I couldn't give since I am still using them.

I asked them if they would want our high chair and she said they would take it if they didn't receive the one they registered for. Then I noticed that they took the high chair off their registry so I guess they do want mine? I don't know. I'm going to the shower so I guess I can ask her, hey, where are you putting both swings? and see what she says. I don't want to be petty, but I gave them over $1,000 worth of stuff....I could easily have gotten a couple hundred re-selling it.
 
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ad1978 replied to Silver623's response:
yeah, you may have to pick just a couple of the "top" items (like the swing) and bring it up once you see the duplicate at the shower...I think that is perfectly reasonable to ask. If she says she just wants 2, then so be it. But if she says she's selling your stuff on e-bay, that would be annoying.
 
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lenono97 responded:
I would wait until after her shower to see what she gets. Just because she registered for it doesn't mean she will get it. If she does, I would politely ask for your stuff back. It's your stuff to begin with and you should be able to do what you want with it. I think it's nice to have "new" stuff with your first child. My sister in law is always offering me her stuff. Even her toddler spoons! My point of view is, I plan on using it again so I would like to start off with brand new stuff. Sometimes I just take my sister in laws stuff to be polite knowing I am not going to use it. Maybe yours just didn't know how to say no thank you? Also, it's very easy to get caught up in the registery excitement and start scanning everything in sight!
 
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saywhat789 responded:
That is frustrating!! Although I will say having 2 older sisters I got offered a lot of stuff. I was always more than happy to take it. But even then I still registered for new stuff. My plan was that if I got what was on my registry than I would use that - if not I would have the used stuff for back up. It didn't make me any less thankful for what I was given, but it is fun when you have your first baby to have the idea that you will have all brand new stuff for your brand new baby. Having said that, I'm not sure what I would have done had I received the items I registered for. I think I got about 2 things on my registry. In my opinion most people don't even buy off of the registry - especially the big expensive items. I would tell her that you checked out her registry and that if she does get new items that you will glady take back the old ones. I'm sure she will understand!
~ Mama to Miss M born 07/08/09 ~
 
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sarahann1978 responded:
I am assuming from the way you stated it that this is DH's brother? If so what does he think of it?

I am on the other end of the spectrum, my two brothers are done having kids and gave me all their stuff, plus my one brother's wife's brother and sister finished with their kids, so I got stuff handed down from four households. I think at first their offers were a bit overwhelming since I still wasn't even sure what I needed yet, so I just took mostly whatever and figured it out later. Maybe she accepted your stuff, but then after thinking things out and planning what she wants she has found her own style. I'm not saying it's right, but maybe she does not know how to politely let you know.

I know for me some of it I kind of wish that I had been able to pick out new, but since I had at least one, if not two or three of everything I felt like I shouldn't waste the money.

My other thought is how did you give it? Like with all my siblings and siblings-in-law they said take it we are done, do with it as you please. The one exception was a hiking backpack from my brother's wife who said it was a really special, nice top of the line backpack that they got as a gift and if I did not have someone important to give it to when we are done, then she would like it back instead of just selling it at a yard sale. If you gave it and did not indicate that you wanted it back then I'm not sure I would pursue it, but if you indicated that you might want it back then go for it.
Sarah (31), DH(29), DS (Jan. 09) sarahaburger.blogspot.com
 
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Silver623 replied to sarahann1978's response:
Yes, it's DH's brother. DH wanted me to sell the stuff in the first place, lol, but I wanted to help them out because they have NO money. Seriously, as much as MIL is excited to have another grandchild, she wishes they paid off the $20K they owed her before bringing an expensive baby into the world. That's the main reason I gave it to them, because they live paycheck to paycheck and still end up needing to borrow at times. Her family is poor so I doubt they will be helping much as far as giving them baby stuff.

You make a good point though, I did say, we are done with it and would hand them a bag or whatever and say, take what you want. I never intended on getting it back. I suppose it really is theirs to do what they want with. I guess I will just be hurt if they get all new stuff and then mine sits in a closet somewhere. It's all nice stuff and someone should get good use out of it. I also kind of thought since DH is the oldest of 4 siblings, that this stuff would get passed down through the family, but I never said that to BIL.
 
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elegi23 replied to Silver623's response:
I would be annoyed. I totally understand people who cannot afford anything. Anyway, when I was pregnant, we had no one to help us, and we bought everything ourselves. Then, when a friend got pregnant and ended up thinking she was going to be a single mother(they've since got back together), we gave her almost everything of DD's, and told her that we would like anything back if we have another LO. Minus clothes that were setimental, I kept those. Anyway, she failed to tell us her sister had a baby too and she got all the stuff from her sister. Well, a lot of the stuff we gave her she decided to sell and the clothes, she was given so many, she didn't know what we gave her, and she sold them all. Plus I gave her all my maternity stuff and told her that I HAD to have that stuff back. I keep asking for it b/c we are TTC, and she keeps saying, oh it's in storage, you'll get it eventually. I'm pretty annoyed by the situation b/c it feels like she used us. She told us there was no one to buy her the "big" things and then at her baby shower, her Mom and Dad had bought everything for her that we had let her borrow. And now, if we have another child, we have to go out and get all that stuff again. I would tell them if they get anything that's the same if you can have it back, because you know other people who have less and would really like to give it to someone that needs it. Even if you sell it, a lot of people who don't have a lot of money don't like handouts, but still would appreciate buying things cheaper that full retail. Just an idea, so that maybe you don't hurt their feelings.
Me (22), DH(29) DD Eleora Marylin 07/23/09
 
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sarahann1978 replied to Silver623's response:
After reading this I would be willing to bet she gets nothing from the registry, so will be grateful she got your stuff when all is said and done. I bet if they are poor she was thinking about how nice it would be to get new stuff from the registry, but in reality it won't happen.

I can totally see how it would be frustrating for you since it was so generous of you to set her up. Maybe if she gets new stuff she will still pass your stuff on to the other siblings.
Sarah (31), DH(29), DS (Jan. 09) sarahaburger.blogspot.com
 
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Silver623 replied to elegi23's response:
OMG I'm sorry, I would be so mad if I were you! I only gave them stuff because I knew we were done having kids!
 
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Silver623 replied to sarahann1978's response:
I plan to buy her bottles and a few other little things from her registry, plus a few outfits I've already picked up along the way. I am not buying her anything that is a duplicate of what I bought her. I think it's pretty ballsy of her to register for stuff I gave her, knowing I'd see her registry.

I think I'm just going to let it go at this point. If she asks me if I want it back, I'll take it. Otherwise, I'll just forget about it.


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