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Mom has more say over DS than dad?
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paranormom20 posted:
i am a mother of a 15 month old child and my fiance who is the father of our son wants to take him places without me where drugs are in effect and i say no and df says im over protective and he has a say in where his son goes to. being an unmarried couple and the mother of our child i beleive i have more say on what our son does and where our son goes than he does. i mean honestly when he takes him places he hands him off to his friends wives or girlfriends to watch him so he can hang out with his friends. not on my watch no one watches my kid until he can tell me if they said mean things touch him or beat him. anyway my question is who has more say mom or dad in an unmarried couple?
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cujaybird responded:
I don't know how the law sees it if you are living together but if you seperated, you would have to go to court to see who gets full custody, partial custody, etc. I don't think the mother automatically gets "more say" if the father supports the child too. Unless you don't live together, then if the child lives with you, then of course you have more say. That being said, there is no way on earth that I would let him take my child anywhere where drugs are being used. That is absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn't even be with a man like that period, personally. All it takes is one phone call to child protective services from someone who sees your child in a drug environment, and the state will investigate and possibly take your child away. That is not an exageration, it is the absolute truth. Ask your df if it's worth risking getting his son taken away.
 
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lenono97 responded:
I don't think being married or un-married has anything to do with who has "more say". In any relationship it should be an equal partnership where you both agree on what's best for your child. Your partner should have the same values as you do and automatically know that taking a child of any age to someplace where drugs are involved is not a good idea. As PP said, if you were not together and the courts were involved then technically I suppose they could say who has "more say" then the other. You need to put your foot down on this one and tell your DF he can not take your child anyplace where drugs or illegal activity is involved. You should explain to your DF that your childs safety is involved and that is never ok to put in jeopardy.
 
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fotogirl525 responded:
Wow, really? I would be more concerned that your child is being taken into this environment and honestly you plan to marry a man like that?? In a normal situation one person does not have more say than the other however in this situation I would do whatever it took so that my child was not put in that situation, even if that means leaving your DF and getting temporary emergency custody through the magistrate. I would say you would have grounds for that. It definitely is not worth having your child taken away or even being involved in a CPS investigation.
Me(33) DH(33) DS(9) DD1(8) DD2(21mos) DSD1(15) DSD2(13) DSD3(11) and DSS(4), yes that's 7 total!
 
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Poisongirl98 replied to fotogirl525's response:
I totally agree with the above statement. I would have serious doubts about marrying this man, let alone letting him take him places where people are doing drugs. I don't even think it's necessarily about who has "more say" than using common sense for the sake of your son.
 
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roni090909 replied to fotogirl525's response:
I totally agree with Fotogirl. I can't believe you would want to marry a man that is that irresponsible. What would happen if you son accidentally got into the drugs? He might be taken away or even worse die of an overdoes. That is so ridiculous and irresponsible on the dad's part. I can't even believe this is an argument. Your fiance clearly doesn't have the best interest of his son in mind.
Me (30) DH (37) DS 10/20/08 New Baby Girl EDD 11/11
 
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cheeezie25 replied to roni090909's response:
Yeah, I agree with everything that was just said. I would never in a million years allow my son to be around people who are doing drugs, and if my baby's father (regardless of marital status) ever even suggested doing so, I wouldn't be with him. Whether or not you are present for any of this activity, if CPS even gets wind that you knew what was going away, your son would be taken away. That's if something doesn't happen to your son before that point. Definitely not a question of who has more say, just a question of whether you choose to exercise enough common sense to prevent that from happening.
 
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paranormom20 responded:
k. so. sorry i didnt get back to this. anyway my son is 19 months now. i have made it clear to him that if he ever takes our child into that enviroment again i will pack my stuff and brennans and leave. then he said hed get him because a) i didnt have a job. b) i was an unfit mother{when he is gone for a week and home for 2 days, he can call me an unfit mother?} ok yeah. so anywho i got a job, a crappy one but its a job. i got my licence, i am 21 now. i spend my day by getting up and possibly getting my uniform washed and branny wakes up. so i get him up change him make him b-fast and get him a cartoon in and ill get my uniform in the dryer (oh mind you sorry my babysitter is my cousin so if my boyfriend isnt here then matt my cousin is so there is never a time unless hes taking a nap that eyes are off him.) anyway i get my uniform dried and washed and get me some breakfast go out in the living room and share it with brany even though he already ate. lol then i leave an hour early for work and go then come home about 7-10 hours later. i walk in and all i hear is MOMMA MOMMA so i come in and lay down on the floor and watch spongebob with him he brings me toys and ill play with him. around 5 ill start making dinner if my shift isnt past 5 then after dinner he gets cleaned up changed and plays a lil longer then at 7 - 7:30 he gets put to bed. if he didnt have a nap he goes to bed at 7 if he did have a nap then he goes to bed at 7:30 but somtimes he goes at 8 if hes really good :). ok ya see. im a good mom. i take care of my child. when matt my cousin is here he only watches brennan WHEN IM HOME : IF, i go get the mail, or brush my teeth? or get a quick shower. cook dinner but my kitchen is where i can see everything hes doing, um little things short times. cuz i like to watch my son. i love my son to death he is my life. and no when this happend it happend a couple of times before that an di told him that if he ever does it again me and our son are leaving and never coming back. so no everything is taken care of i have called off the engagement and i have told him that i will reconsider putting my ring back on only if he changes and i change and our relationship changes within the next 2 years. if not then im not going to waste anymore time fighting ill get out there and get a man who will love me for me and treat me how a women is suposed to be treated not like a house..wench? and can help me equally with our children. ahem not to mention ok i had a c-section and my boyfriend would make me get up at night and get brany and take care of him while he slept. he had to work. :| yeah. ....i wont ramble anymore if you have hearts and i know you do you will realize from my pov that im trying my hardest to be the best mother i can possibly be. im trying to get us out of here. brany is my number one priority anywhere i go, he goes. alot of my old friends dont see him anymore or me cuz they smoke in their house. i dont do that i dont like that so i wont go over there. if im not at home im working. i get my son up and most days put him to bed depending on my shift. thats my boy, i want him to grow up right, i want him to stay in school and have the best and nothing but. i want to go to college and get a great paying job to provide for him for the rest of his .....ok till he moves out ( at 27 :D) oy you know where im coming from. that boy is my life and i love him to peices, hes a spitting image and everything lol of me!
 
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QTpie2009 replied to paranormom20's response:
Paranormom20- way to go for taking a stand. That shows right there you are a great mom and have only the best interest in mind for your son.
Me(27), DH(30), DS Kayden Riley born 06/09/09.


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