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Sister Wives
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elegi23 posted:
Hey ladies!

I recently saw a commercial for Sister Wives, and would like to see what some opinions are about the show. BUT, I would like to keep this a civil, grown-up discussion. I know a lot of mama's on here are quick to attack others opinions, thoughts and beliefs... but I'm hoping that we can have a discussion without putting others down. I know all of us have different beliefs or ways we grew up, but I want opinions and not any direct attacks towards anyone please. If there is any, I will ask WebMD to remove them and the post, so please refrain.
Some questions that you may want to answer...

What are your opinions on the show?
Do you think that you will watch it?
Do you think if you had to, that you could share your husband?
Anything else that intrigues you?

I am most likely going to at least watch one episode. I already have it DVR'd. I am intrigued by it. I try not to judge anyone (except Amber from teen mom lol), but like any other human being, I have my opinions on things and they may/may not be right. Because of that I am always open to watching or learning new things, so I am going to watch the show. I'm interested, because I know polygomy has always been a backburner subject. It's been a taboo in our culture, but honestly going back through history, it's always been around. I want to know how these women deal with the jealousy. In the commercial, the pregnant one says something about when her husband is with his other wife, they better be having sex and that is what intrigues me the most. How do they share something like sex and love? They also said the sex is one on one and they've never had group sex. Maybe because its not the culture I grew up in, or the religion I grew up with, but I don't understand how as a woman, with all the emotions and PMS we have, that they are not secretly jealous and its all a front.

I could not live with sharing my husband. I would be completely jealous. I would be the first to have a calendar and keep track of the days he sleeps with Wife A, Wife B and me. Then I would average it out and see who he sleeps with more, and then try and find out why they have a better sex life than me. I would most likely annoy DH by asking questions about what he likes better about the other women and what they "do" and strive to be better than them. I would be the poster child for jealousy. The funny thing is I'm not jealous with DH at all. He has plenty of girl friends and it doesn't bother me, but the thought of having to share him with someone else and know that he could pick them over me, really bothers me. Maybe I have self esteem issues, but I am grateful DH doesn't have someone else.

DH actually sat down last night and talked about what he would do if he grew up in a culture where he could have more than one wife, and he told me he just wouldn't do it. He said that it's hard enough dealing with one woman, let alone 3 and trying to get a fourth. It was funny, he said, "Really? I can hardly handle your emotions. You drive me crazy woman! Though I wouldn't mind having 13 children if I could afford it." Lol. I wonder how he affords to have 13 children and keep 3 wives. Plus, I'm pretty sure I saw a preview where part of the show he's trying to date a fourth woman, who already has 5 kids. Wow. That house must be a lot of chaos. I wonder how their children feel about having 3 Mommies, or if they have 1 Mommy and then 2 Aunts. I guess I'm pretty clueless too, because I'm curious to know if they actually live in a normal neighborhood, or if they live in a religious compound (I'm not sure what else to call it) and if their kids go to school and how they deal with peer pressure and if its a requirement to have more than one wife, or if its just a choice. I guess this is why I'm watching it, because there is a lot of things I'm curious about.
Me (22), DH(30) DD Eleora Marylin 07/23/09
TTC2 (since 05/10)
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DDK2005 responded:
I haven't seen he preview so Im not sure about that specific show but I did watch 'Big Love' on HBO & loved it. There was a difference in the types of communities on that show. the main family lived on ther own & aside from the multiple wives - lived a pretty traditional life where the kids went to school, wives dressed in everyday type of clothing & they each had their own home but shared a huge common backyard. The husband pretty much ruled the roost & his primary residence was with wife 1, but had designated days/schedules with the other wives.

The other side of the show was where the families lived on a compound where there were multiple familes with multiple children and the kids went to school on the compound only & they rarely left. Here they were lead by the 'Profit' & whatever he said goes including who gets to marry who & at what age.

Again this is a TV show so I cant pretend to have knowledge but for me - I can see how the first family could work, and the women are all part of the decisions and chose to be in the family. They seem to all help eachother out, but again not for me! I have no desire to share my husband or bring more people into my decisions....On the other side, in the compound - I feel like they are not educated enough to truly understand what they are getting into, and that's just not my cup of tea. Not to mention the hair thing just wouldn't work for me - LOL!
Me: Dee (36), DH: Ken (36), DD: Ava 3/26/09 5lbs 15oz, 19.5 in - at 13mo chk up weighed 18.2lbs
 
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earleyml1012 replied to DDK2005's response:
I will not watch it b/c I don't want to support the beliefs of that show. I strongly believe that you should only have one wife and that having more than one wife is the same as having an affair.

In a way, I feel that these women are forced into these marriages and don't have much of a say. I honestly don't feel that any woman would be happy sharing her husband with other women and if she says she does, she's lying. Many
of these girls are forced into these "relationships" when they are young and they aren't in love with the man. Sometimes I wonder how they could get away with this by law...isn't that rape?

elegi23 - your statement about jealousy and how you'd say something to your husband. I don't think these women are free to openly speak to their husband, so they probably just deal with it. Plus if they are forced into these relationships, I highly doubt that they can be jealous. They're probably excited about the nights that he doesn't come to them.

These are just my opinions and I'm not bashing anyone for watching it but I will not be supporting that type of lifestyle.
 
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QTpie2009 responded:
I'll probably watch an episode or two because I do find it interesting, it's just not my cup of tea. I would never be able to share my husband with another woman (women). Elegi23, my husband says the same things your husband does... 'can hardly put up with one wife let alone 3!' LOL! I'm curious about all the same things you posted above too. Even though we may not believe in that sort of thing it's entertainment and interesting to watch.
Me(27), DH(30), DS Kayden Riley born 06/09/09.
 
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breezy_83255 responded:
I don't know yet if I'll watch it. I may watch an episode if there's nothing else on, but I'm not planning on setting up the DVR to always record it.

I couldn't do it. I have a hard enough time sleeping without DH in bed with me, and I couldn't sleep at all if I knew he was in bed with someone else! DH agrees that he can hardly handle one woman, why would he want more?! Although, I would love a sister wife to do all the cooking and cleaning, but she wouldn't get any of the added "benefits" of marriage

The reasoning behind modern day polygomy is what bothers me. The idea that it's either in religious compounds where young girls are forced into it, or just weird men that decide they need multiple wives (an old TLC documentary), it just doens't seem like it happens for reasonable/"right" reasons. I don't, however, see how having one legal wife and one or more spiritual wives is different, in the eyes of the law, than a man with one wife that's having an affair. One is illegal and one is just bad taste. I see no difference, morally or legally (unless the wife or wives are under age).

Because I know my religion always comes up in a discussion on this topic, I'll just explain a few things now

I am LDS (mormon), so polygomy is in my history. I have ancestors that were polygomists. That said, it wasn't forced upon anyone, the man did not hold "supreme" power over their wives, the men did not get to ask/request multiple wives (very few actually had them), and it was more out of necessity of the times. It was at a time that there was huge persecution in the church, a large amount of widows/single women, and a trek across the country looming. It helped ensure that all women and children were cared for and could make the miserable trek to Utah and religious freedom. The LDS church has not recognized it since- anyone practicing it (or just plain cheating) faces excommunication.
 
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bgabert responded:
I saw a preview for it the other day. I am going to try to catch the first episode, just because I'm so ignorant to that sort of stuff.

I certainly wouldn't be able to share my husband, no way, no how! It's not that I'm insanely jealous, but I just believe that when you get married, you should stay loyal to that ONE person! I would always wonder why he needed more than just me. Is our sex life that horrible? Does he really need the company of another woman because I'm so boring? It'd make me so paranoid!

I think I'll watch it... just to see how the wives deal with it. It's just so far off from my way of thinking, that I'd like to see how they handle it and not kill the other wives, lol.
Bri (24), DH Jarrod (28), DD Emery (6/15/2009), Baby 2 EDD 2/13/2011
 
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elegi23 replied to bgabert's response:
I may not watch past the first episode, but I know I have to work, so that's why I DVR'd it. Plus, I like to fast forward through commercials and boring stuff. LOL!

Dee- I never saw Big Love, but a few people I talked to at work said they loved watching it. I don't get HBO though anyway

Breezy- I completely agree about having someone cleaning & cooking for me. After working 40-60 hrs a week, I don't really feel like cleaning, nor cooking. And also, that history on your religion is very interesting. I had no idea.

P.S. As far as the non-bashing, I really just didn't want anon posters saying mean, horrible things. Thanks ladies!!!!
Me (22), DH(30) DD Eleora Marylin 07/23/09 TTC2 (since 05/10)
 
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ad1978 responded:
I definitely want to watch this show! Do you know when it starts?

I also love "Big Love" and ever since that show started, I've been very curious about the overall topic (though of course, this is just a tv show on HBO, and not necessarily "real" in any way).

Sadly, I think polygamy is often forced on women, even though they won't admit it. Or maybe not forced with a gun to their head per se, but they are raised with this pressure from their family/community their whole lives, and they don't think they have a choice.

If it was truly a choice for them, then we'd also see women with multiple husbands, but we all know this is not usually the case.

But, if some women (or men) truly make the choice on their own, and all parties are happy with this choice and knew that more wives (or husbands) were going to be included from day one, then I think it is OK. Let's face it, the divorce rate in this country is roughly 50%. Most divorced men end up creating new families with new wives, so their older children don't get to have their fathers in their lives very much. At least in polygamy, they all stick together, and the older children remain living with their dad. It is a much more honest approach to life rather then pretending that men won't start families with additional women--it's happening every day.

With that said, I wouldn't be able to share. I don't even like to share my food with anyone, forget sharing a husband.
 
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sarahann1978 responded:
I live 30 miles east of Colorado City, AZ/Hilldale, UT which is home of one of the largest polygamist sects in the country, original home of Warren Jeffs. I agree with earleyml1012 that the women have no say in the relationship and are brainwashed into being subservient to their husbands and told to "be sweet". They are often obligated to marriage at a very, very young age. If they escape they are sought out. While I don't know any personally, I have heard that many of the women are alcoholics and binge drink to deal with their situations. On the other hand many of the boys are expelled from the group at a young age and have no education or training to make it in the real world. There are support groups out there to help the outcast boys acclimate. I know several people in the town where I live whose ancestors a few generations back were among the outcasts.

There is also a small community adjacent to Colorado City that is called Centennial Park which is a group of polygamists that broke off from the Colorado City group to be more modern and progressive. They are more typically the ones who do interviews with news media to try and better their image. They seem to have more respect for women and it's more of a choice then in Colorado City/Hilldale. If you are ever in the vicinity you should drive through Centennial Park as they are gigantic mansion homes that are very fancy, very different from the homes in Colorado City.

I have watched the first 3 episodes of Big Love, as I find it entertaining since I live here, but I would say that the families portrayed in that show are way different then the polygamists down here. I think in a way these shows may be trying to lighten the view of polygamy, which is not really a good thing, but for me I take all forms of entertainment for what they are. I might try the Sister Wives show out of curiosity.

If you are really interested in learning about the history of polygamy a good book to read is "Under the Banner of Heaven".
Sarah (31), DH(29), DS (Jan. 09) sarahaburger.blogspot.com
 
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Mybaby83 responded:
I am going to watch it! I am interested to see how they make a family like that work. Although I could never do it, I always say whatever floats your boat! Or, whatever works for a family and is best for them. Everyone is different and has different goals in life. Maybe for these women, the husband/wife relationship is not the most important one. Their main goal and focus is their children and I can definitely relate to that. I think the preview said they have like 13 children in the house..that is a ton but I guess it would be nice to have 4 adults in the house to help in that case! It is definitely different from the America norm, I think that is why people are so interested and it will become a controversy once it is on TLC. Like I said, I could never be a part of that type of family structure but I think it's important to be open minded and to teach our children to be open minded as well.
Melissa (26), DH (Ryan), DD (Leah) born 7/8/09
 
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acn2008 responded:
I am at least going to check out a couple of episodes. Like a few of the other posts said, I'm interested to see how they make a family like that work. Not, that I support that kind of lifestyle or would I ever live like that, but I am always open to see how other people live their lives. I come from a very small town where we are not exposed to too many different lifestyles or kinds of people, so I am interested to watch this show.

I can't wait until the first discussion to see what everyone's opinion is!


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