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I'd be ashamed
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elegi23 posted:
I don't mean to offend anyone, but I need to vent.
My downstairs neighbor happens to be DH's best friend and his girlfriend. DH grew up with these people and is really close to them. Now his friend has a sister, who is my age. She is sorta the black sheep of the family, but is the center of my story.

I was never really her friend, but we knew each other. Our senior year in high school, she had a little boy. 2 years later, had a girl. This was all with the same guy, they had been together since freshman year. Then, she got really bad into drugs. She was doing them before, but it got way worse. Her babies' dad broke up with her, and she took the kids and moved into her parents. They are 4 and 2 right now, and this happened beginning of last year.

Three months later, she moved into an apartment with Guy "A" with the kids. She finally hits a low, then starts rehab. This guy stays with her through treatment but then she meets Guy "B" on the internet. So, after being with "a" for 9 months, leaves the kids at her mom's and moves 6 hours away to a different state to live with this guy. So she stays with "b" for 4 months by herself, then her babies' dad found out what was going on, and started the proceedings to take her to court for custody of the kids. When she found out she drove back here, picked up her kids and moved them to where she was at 3am in the morning. They lived there for 2 more months, and she calls asking for a ride home because "b" had beat the kids black and blue. And when I say black and blue, I mean black and blue. The little girl's butt was so bruised it made me sick to my stomach. So, she comes back and moves downstairs with the neighbor.

She made a promise to me that day that she wasn't going to date any other guys because she just wanted to provide a good life for her kids. She said she saw how happy my DD was, and she wanted her kids to be that happy. Two days later, there some random guy walking around outside. I call DH and he rushes home, and come to find out this is guy "c" and her kids are back to living at her mom's. Well, she's dating this guy and not taking care of her kids, and their Dad decides to call children services on her. They did this big whole investigation on her but she kept her kids.

So she stays with "c"a couple weeks. Then, she runs into guy "d." Guy "d" is in treatment with her, him and his wife just moved out of a homeless shelter and just got their kids back from children services. "D" moves in downstairs with the neighbor. All the while, she's still seeing guy "c." "D" decides that he's had enough of her, after 3 weeks of living downstairs, and goes back to his wife. She moves back to her Mom's, gets her kids back, oh and now she's with guy "e."

Then, she finds out she's pregnant. Since she doesn't know who the Dad is, she's running around telling everyone its either "c", "d" or "e." She is proud of this too. Her Mom got mad, and kicked her out, so she moved in with a friend of DH's sister, and is now dating another guy. She told me she's so happy to be pregnant. She said (and I'm quoting) "I am so happy I got pregnant before you. You guys really don't need another kid anyway, but I do. I get more food stamps now and my metro housing gets pushed up."

I would be so ashamed if I were her. I understand sometimes there is circumstances to not knowing who your baby's dad is. I'd be ashamed because my kids have called 6 men Daddy in the past 18 months, they haven't lived in the same place for more than 2 weeks. DH doesn't understand why I don't want her and her kids around my child. He said it'd be good for them. I know she's like a sister to him, but I don't think babysitting her kids for free is a way to help her out. Am I wrong? Would you be ashamed if you were her? Or am I just being mean? I don't want her around but DH said I'm just being too hard on her and she needs someone to show her she's missing out.
Me (22), DH(30) DD Eleora Marylin 07/23/09
TTC2 (since 05/10)
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mol13 responded:
I can see how he'd want to show her what it's like to live a more responsible life like you guys do, but it kinda seems like she is beyond help.

Her attitude is ridiculous. She needs to grow up and clearly there's no way to tell her to get it together because she won't listen.

Be there for the kids in an emergency if they need you, though, because it's not their fault.
 
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paytonsmommy09 responded:
Holy cow!

Weird thing; I just watched a true story about this kind of situation. My heart goes out to the children. They don't ask to be abused and neglected. Perhaps their father could push getting full custody of the children.

As for her, well; she needs to get a grip on life! She has two soon to be three children and won't take responsiblity for her actions. She needs to be put away for a long time for her actions. SHE allowed her children to be beat up and to me that is as good as she abused the children herself.

As PP said, make sure you are there for the children because it truely isn't their fault. As for the mother, she can take a flying leap. She is a poor excuse as a human being.

Sorry...these kinds of stories just get my blood boiling.
SARAH (31), JASON (DH), PAYTON (7.8.09), 3 FUR CHILDREN
 
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DDK2005 responded:
Ok so this to me is a case where her parental rights should be taken away and given to her mom or the babies dad. My heart sank when you wrote that guy 'b' or whoever - beat her kids...seriously!!! She has no rights to their kids & she obviously cant control herself. I wouldn't ban the children from spending time with your daughter. They need positive role models around them and some normalcy. I would stay far far away from that woman. She's obviously trash & my heart sinks for those kids....
Me: Dee (36), DH: Ken (36), DD: Ava 3/26/09 5lbs 15oz, 19.5 in - at 13mo chk up weighed 18.2lbs
 
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elegi23 replied to DDK2005's response:
I was hoping I wasn't the only one that thought that way. DH still has hope for her, but I think she's a lost cause. I guess I don't have a problem with the kids coming over, but it just seems like every other day they are there because DH is babysitting them for free. They were over this weekend and DH got fed up and called the dog warden because one of her boyfriend's dogs bit the littlest one, and they didn't take her to the hospital, didn't call anyone, or anything else. I told him to call CPS, but he didn't want to because she's already been investigated once in the past month and they didn't do anything. He knows there's a problem with her, because when she comes to get the kids, someone has to be in the room with her at all times for fear something will get stolen. She tried to steal DH PS3 once when he was changing DD. She just started walking out of the house with it.

I don't understand how someone can let themselves get to that low of a point in their life.

Their Dad has really gotten his stuff together, and I'm hoping he really tries to get custody of those kids.
Me (22), DH(30) DD Eleora Marylin 07/23/09 TTC2 (since 05/10)
 
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QTpie2009 responded:
I don't think you are overreacting at all! I would be ashamed if my kids had to live like this. It sounds like she's been given many chances in life but doesn't and still can't get on the right path. I get so frustrated with people like this. I can totally understand not wanting your LO to be around this.
Me(27), DH(30), DS Kayden Riley born 06/09/09.
 
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bgabert responded:
Good. F'ing. Lord.

I totally agree with all PP's. This woman is absolutely ridiculous, does not deserve her kids and shouldn't be allowed to have them!

It breaks my heart knowing that these poor kids have to go through this.. and with another one on the way. The baby and other children deserve so much better.

They didn't choose to have a mother who is like this.. and they deserve to be loved and have a "normal" life. Getting woken up at 3am to move to a new place is not normal!
Bri (24), DH Jarrod (28), DD Emery (6/15/2009), Baby Boy EDD 2/13/2011
 
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Mybaby83 replied to bgabert's response:
Wow. That is really sad! Some people are just selfish and don't realize that once you become a mother, your kids and their safety should always be the top priority! Of course you would be ashamed if you were like this because you are a good mother! Obviously she isn't ashamed of her actions because she doesn't realize anything is wrong with it! Saying that you NEED a baby so that you can get more food stamps and housing is absolutely ridiculous. Talk about abusing the system. She needs a swift kick in the rear before she needs a baby!
Melissa (26), DH (Ryan), DD (Leah) born 7/8/09
 
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DDK2005 replied to elegi23's response:
Ok so let me get this straight...she let one of her boyfriends beat the crap out of the babies & now another boyfriend's dog has bit the baby and she did nothing about it. Without a doubt these kids need to be taken away from her. Im sorry - Im usually not an advocate of that but I sense these kids are in serious serious danger.

Call CPS yourself annonymously. or is there anyway that you can get in touch with the father and let him in on all of this.

She's pathetic and completely selfish. She doesn;t deserve the children and most importantly the children need a better home & should not be in a place of danger. I dont really care about this girl, but the kids need help!
Me: Dee (36), DH: Ken (36), DD: Ava 3/26/09 5lbs 15oz, 19.5 in - at 13mo chk up weighed 18.2lbs
 
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elegi23 replied to DDK2005's response:
I suggested calling CPS to DH last night, and he's worried it will get back to us. His best friend is her brother, and he's worried that some of the things he knows was only told to her family, and then they would blame him, and he would blame us. That's drama I don't need.
Me (22), DH(30) DD Eleora Marylin 07/23/09 TTC2 (since 05/10)
 
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sarahann1978 replied to elegi23's response:
It is such a sad story. I guess I would challenge you to think about what if you do nothing and one of these kids ends up getting killed? I think if I were in that situation I would not be able to live with knowing that I could have helped them and stopped the inevitable. I know it's tough, but sometimes doing the right thing is not easy.
Sarah (32), DH(29), DS (Jan. 09) sarahaburger.blogspot.com
 
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ad1978 replied to sarahann1978's response:
I agree with Sarah. As much as you want to avoid the drama, the alternative could be a kid getting killed. That is too important to avoid, no matter how much DH doesn't want to offend his friend's family.

I'd rather lose my best friend over drama than risk my best friends' niece and nephew's lives.
 
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lenono97 replied to elegi23's response:
Children are being physically abused and you are worried about the drama? It seems like you are already involved in the drama no matter what. CPS needs to be called today before something worse happens. I am surprised they are not already involved. If your description of this woman is accurate, she is not a fit mother and the children need to be protected for their safety and well being.
 
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bgabert replied to elegi23's response:
Stuck between a rock and hard place, Gini.
I feel your pain. I was in a similar situation.. with a "friend" not using car seats properly and her children were in danger.

I guess you just have to weigh the pros and cons.. Is having a bit more drama worth saving this LO's life?
Is there any way to get CPS involved without telling them the things that could tip this woman off?

I know you would never let Ellie ever get in a situation like this.. so think of how you would feel if it WAS her? That's how her father must feel.. and this little girl needs someone to stand up for her. GL.. keep me posted!
Bri (24), DH Jarrod (28), DD Emery (6/15/2009), Baby Boy EDD 2/13/2011
 
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elegi23 replied to bgabert's response:
I have decided I'm going to call anonymously. We'll see how this goes, but I'm so afraid to say something that will tip her off.

Their dad called CPS about a month ago, but made up a whole bunch of stuff to try and get custody. The stuff was so ridiculous though that CPS just handed the kids back to their Mom.
Me (22), DH(30) DD Eleora Marylin 07/23/09 TTC2 (since 05/10)


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