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Cosleeping - defiant... long
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SumsMom07 posted:
ok so we've had a time with my DD she has been having a really hard time at daycare, she would just scream, cry, throw fits, and be really aggressive to other children. Well my MIL suggested that I take her to the dr and have her see what she thinks about the whole situation. Well in the mean time we pull her out of daycare b/c pretty much was the only option b/c they were about to kick her out... my MIL is keeping her. When I went to the dr today she asked me a lot of questions like where do she sleep, does she take regular naps, do we spank, send her to time out... and so on.. well she sleeps in her toddler bed in our room or either in our bed but the dr seems to think that this is a part of whats causing her bad behavior... She almost thinks that we need to see a pychiarist... I mean she is 2 and i have seen a heck of a lot worse children... I know I'm a good mother and I do everything in my power to try to nurture her but I also have my boundaries... Does anyone have any advice for a strong willed child? I'm going to call and see if maybe there is a parenting class for strong willed children anywhere in this area? but also let me note that my MIL takes care of my 7 yo neice that acts a lot of the way DD has been... Maybe I should just keep her away from my ILs... the behavior has been going on for a couple of months! HELP any advice is greatly appreciated!
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ryanandleigh responded:
Well I don't see how her behavior is tied to where she sleeps. I can understand if she was sleep deprived but many people co-sleep with their kids and don't have those problems.
Did the doctor check for any medical cause? Maybe a second opinion is needed. I read a book about strong willed children and while some of it won't help with a 2 year old, I think there are many techniques in the book that could help. It was recommended to me by someone on the WebMD site and it helped with my DS even though he really isn't strong willed. The book is "Setting Limits with your Strong-Willed Child: Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries." by Robert MacKenzie.
Leigh, Jacen (5), Alexa (2)
 
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TaraKL responded:
I co-sleep with my 2 year old an have no idea how this could be tied to a behavioral issue. Unless the Dr thinks making your child CIO to break your childs will. I would suggest a second opinion IMO a pychiarist is a little over board to deal with the problems your child is having.
 
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Brubee replied to TaraKL's response:
Check out the focus on the family website. Dr.Dobson has written alot of books on this subject. I just finished "Dare to Discipline" it was very good. Here are some titles that may help: " The Strong Willed Child" and "Temper your Child's Tantrums". For the rest a second opinion Would be helpful. HTH Good luck.
 
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cary1974 responded:
I co-slept with 2 of my children one for 3 years the other for 10 months...I personally think that doctor is full of BS. Co-sleeping does not cause behavioral problems.
Me(35) DH(37)Brett(16) Morghain(14) Drew(2) TTC4 Crazy as larks and lovin it!!
 
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linzuh04 responded:
I have a strong willed, downright defiant child that is too smart for her own good.

"Parenting with Love and Logic" is a great book, as is "The Parents Guide to the Strong-Willed Child."


I've had DD into the Pedi since she was 9 mos old with behavioral problems. I even had her evaluated with Early Intervention for possible issues. Turns out there's nothing wrong with her. A little too much daddy in her genes!
ME (20s) DH (pushing 30) and since I cant ever remember their names, 1 is almost 4 and 2 is almost 2.
 
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seeit2 responded:
Lurking..does she act like this at home, or only at daycare? What do you think she gets out of it by acting that way?

Deb
 
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SumsMom07 replied to seeit2's response:
she may throw what I feel like is a normal 2 yo fit but she's not aggressive. My MIL says she sees some of this same behavior when she ask her to go potty or when they are moving from one activity to another. I've always felt a little strict on her but maybe I'm not... I know she shouldn't act out against other people/children but kids are going to fight but that doesn't mean that something is wrong.

Thanks for all the advice, I'm going to go check on all the books that everyone has recommended. I'm more willing to read a book than to go to therapy! I just think thats crazy but I'm sure if her behavior is worse then I'll take it to another level! Thanks so much ladies!
 
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Chris_WebMD_Staff replied to SumsMom07's response:
Ladies please don't forget about our Parenting Community . We have Dr. Adesman there, specializing in behavioral management! Go check it out please. :)
 
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LittleTandMe replied to SumsMom07's response:
Also I have a book on Parenting the Spirited Child. One part that they address is that some children have trouble transitioning from one activity to another. I LOVE this book. I don't remember who it is by though.

And don't be afraid to try another daycare. Sometimes one just isn't a good fit for a child. Also, once a child gets a reputation as "difficult" they are likely to see everything they do, even if normal, as part of that. A girl at my work had trouble with hers, and switched her child, and he was totally different.

How long has this been going on? My friend was having trouble with her son being aggressive and fits, and when she took him off Singulair, he was a totally different child. There is a cough syrup that makes my child a demon. Other parents have reported trouble with their children while on breathing treatments.
DS - 2.75 - I refuse to put almost 3
 
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SumsMom07 replied to LittleTandMe's response:
The worst part has been going on about 4 months or so. But she has been out of daycare going on 3 weeks. I wish we would have just left her in there and been able to switch her class but since she isn't fully potty trained right now there was pretty much no other option (since my MIL worked there) And I think the label as a "difficult" child is why she was still having trouble when they moved her from the younger 2's to the older 2's. She isn't on any medicine, I honestly think i'm going to get a second opinion to me I think its just her wanting to get her way and the terrible twos! I can't wait to get to the book store to get some of these books... Does anyone know if Walmart carries any of these books? the closest book store to me is about 40 minutes from me.
 
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LittleTandMe replied to SumsMom07's response:
I would get a second opinion. I personally think the dr is just against co-sleeping, and that's why he's blaming stuff on it.

Dr. Sears also has a book about difficult/spirited kids, and he/they have a very good website with a lot of information on it. I think the book was something like Raising High needs child, but they changed it to difficult or something. But you can find a lot of the info from his books on his website. And he is pro-co-sleeping!

And I think it is crazy that not being potty trained is that much of an issue in her class. I know different DCP have different rules, but I just found out my DS will be going to the 3YO class in August, and they haven't mentioned anything about he has to be potty trained, and he is still only ok about going at school.
DS - 2.75 - I refuse to put almost 3
 
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SumsMom07 replied to LittleTandMe's response:
Well here the regulation is they have to have a sink and a proper place for them to be changed in and the 3 yo room doesn't have that. And she doesn't really co sleep she sleeps in her toddler bed in our room... and thats my fault we have a split plan house and i just can't stand the thought of her all the way across the house... I think I'm just going to try to forget what she said and just try to be a little stricter... but after the way I felt when I left that office I'm seriously thinking about finding another pedi.... I liked her b/c she was female and thought she would be more understand... so much for that!
 
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Shena1981 replied to SumsMom07's response:
There's nothing wrong with your DD sleeping in your room if you're all comfortable with it. IT most certainly doesn't mean that she needs to see a psychiatrist. If my pedi had suggested this I would have up and left.

I have a very strong willed child and I'm a SAHM, so I work around things that I know set off tantrums. I don't know if that's at all possible for the daycare, but if there are certain actiities that make things worse, perhaps they can change things around for her. I think when I'm stricter with DD it just makes things worse. I get more frustrated and she gets more defiant

Good luck!
Mom, Dad and Kidlet
 
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SumsMom07 replied to Shena1981's response:
I've noticed that when I try to get stricter with DD it gets worse too... The dr also said it sounds like that Oppositional Defiant disorder... but from what I read about ODD seems the opposite of what she acts like. I'm not going to go to a psychiatrist just b/c she is strongwilled and acting out.. and there are some days that we don't seem any of this behavior. So I'm confused on what to really do.. I'm going to check out some of those books.. I plan on going to the book store this weekend since I'll be out that way!


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