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OT:Acting Horrible HELP!!
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Proud_Mommy23 posted:
Alright ladies bare with me because this may jump around a lot. Riley has been acting awful lately and I don't know what to do. He won't mind and he goes out of his way to act up which lands him in time out and a screaming fit for 3 minutes. It's pretty bad when my family has started noticing it. My granny asked me this morning when I dropped him off what we are going to do with him and I'm at a loss, I just don't know. He acts like he's not getting enough sleep at night but he is, he goes to bed at 9 and sleeps until I wake him up around 6:45 then goes back to sleep at granny's house until 10:00am. He does toss and turn a lot during the night and here the last few nights he's woke up for something to drink so I go in to take him some water and wait until he drinks the whole cup, take him to the bathroom (trying to PT) then back to bed. He'll do that about 3 times a night and the rest of the time he's tossing and turning. Then I've got my granny telling me that he lays around at her house after he wakes up at 10 and won't do anything much like he's worn out. Then when he goes to my dad's at 1:30-2 he goes straight to sleep and sleeps until I pick him up around 4:10 and goes back to sleep in the truck and sleeps all the way home then still acts sleepy once we get home. He makes a point to be mean to Bella too, pinch, hit, kick, push her over or down just anything to get a rise out of mommy. Being home with him the next month and a half is much needed I'll have to work on his behavior issues but I don't know where to start because he does this with me also. Last night Scott called from jail and asked to talk to Riley so I hesitated but I let him. He told him that he loved him (I was listening on the other line I know I'm nosey but I have to monitor the phone calls for safety purposes) and that he missed him very much and that he was bad so he's in jail. He told him that once he got out that he would see him a lot more and he was sorry for being bad and going away. Riley told him that he loved him and missed him and that he wanted him to come home soon. Scott told him that mommy and daddy don't get along very well together so they have to live in separate homes once he gets out of jail but he would get to visit him some. Riley said bye then I got on the phone and told him once again that the visits would be supervised at the child services office, which he said he knew that. He told me that he hoped to get visits at his mom's house on down the road but I just said we'd see how things went. I don't know about that. I'd be afraid that Scott would try to kidnap the kids because he doesn't have custody of them. But like I said I think that the visits will come less frequent then stop all together because Scott isn't very responsible as you ladies can tell. Anyway, what can I do about Riley's behavior? He has been such a good kid until here recently. He always did as he was told and didn't talk back and just acted very well but now he's a terror and that's sugar coating it a lot. Help me before I lose my mind please. I've tried time-out and taking things away but nothing has worked, any ideas would help. Thanks ladies.
Me(24) Riley Cole(3) Isabella Kathryn(8 months) Being alone has made me realize that I need no one to make me happy that only I can do that and really make it last.
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TanyaJP responded:
i don't really have any advice because i go through some of the same issues with eric. however, with riley, there is more going on his little life that could be why his attitude has changed. not really sure how to fix that. maybe try putting him to bed earlier so he gets more sleep at night.

as for the phone call, i think scott gave him waaaay too much information. he should have just left it at a "i love and miss you" type of call and maybe a "i'll see you soon". but what's said is said...just move forward.
Tanya (36), DH (36), DS (Eric-2), DSD (Cera-11) and DSS (Trent-13). Baby 2 on the way (Max-EDD 9/28/10). 4 angels in heaven with my daddy RIP.
 
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VicsEandJ responded:
I agre with Tanya,

Besidaes the vert trying testing of boundaries and bad attitudes that is supposedly normal at his age, he ahs ahd a lot of chnge lately. You guys have moved aorund and Scott was away, came back and is gone again. Plus, he has a baby sister who is just now becoiming a real moving,interactive person.

It's a lot for him. I don't really know what to do about it-I am not the world's best disciplinarian yet- I plan to be but DS is still so small and cute and generally agreeable He is only bad and irritating in small bursst, though more frequently as he approaches 3! :-)

I try timeouts which just cause crying at first,but he calms down pretty quickly. Also, he responds well to re-direction- usually after a minute or two you can get him focused somewhere else.

Being home with him will at last give you the time to work on him. Try to give him some one on one time. DS loves when he is just with me & DH or just one of us without DD around- and that usually only happens when we are doing chores or running errands or he is going to the doctor- but he loves it.
Me (41), DH, DS (2 1/2), DD (1)
 
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mckenzien18 responded:
Do you spank him? Cameron acts out all the time and I'm a single parent too so I understand what you're going through. I don't care what any psychologist, book, study, etc. says - my child will be spanked if he acts bad enough. My parents spanked me with a belt when I was little and I came out fine. Time out doesn't work when they're old enough to know "Oh I can just sit here for 5 minutes and then get back up and go play!"
Me - 23, DS Cameron - 2, DD Brooklynne born an angel 1-5-09. I'm a single mom and I love it!
 
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VicsEandJ replied to mckenzien18's response:
I am not opposed to spanking either. My mom spanked me and my sister- I think it's one of the reasons i didn't get into a whole lot of trouble as a kid- the picture of her belt was in my head!

But when I look at DS, he is too small, in my opinon, to be spanked yet. I do not think my mom spanked us until we were bigger.
Me (41), DH, DS (2 1/2), DD (1)
 
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mckenzien18 replied to VicsEandJ's response:
I just pop Cameron on the butt or hand. I don't whip out a belt or anything on him - he is too small for that. i didnt want anybody to think I beat my child lol.
Me - 23, DS Cameron - 2, DD Brooklynne born an angel 1-5-09. I'm a single mom and I love it!
 
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Proud_Mommy23 replied to VicsEandJ's response:
I do spank but not a lot. I have to be careful because Riley is so smart that he'll think "oh well sissy is being mean to me so I can spank her mommy does it when I'm being mean to her" see what I'm saying? When he does something overally bad and he knows it's bad then yes I'll spank him and put him in time out. But it's like a pp said, he knows that "hey if I sit here for so long then I get back up and play" although he screams and cries at first. My kid is too smart for his own good lol and he knows it. Scott did give too much information but I believe that Riley is old enough to know the midst of what is going on not all of it but the basic idea. I've stopped telling him that daddy will be home soon because he won't and even when he does get out of jail he only gets supervised visits. Anyway, the behavior is probably from what he's been through now that I sit and think about it. These next few weeks I'm going to concentrate on putting my kids first and spending as much time with him as I can before I go back to work. I really appreciate all the advice you ladies have given me and what you all have helped me through in the last little bit. I'll try my best to get online and check in and I'll probably post my answers to mommy of the day tomorrow evening instead of on Friday from my dad's computer since mine is a piece of junk and isn't hooked up. My laptop broke :( so sad. Anyways, I'll keep in touch and I wish you all the best of luck in everything you do. Thanks so much ladies without you I'd probably be crazier than I already am.
Me(24) Riley Cole(3) Isabella Kathryn(8 months) Being alone has made me realize that I need no one to make me happy that only I can do that and really make it last.
 
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VicsEandJ replied to Proud_Mommy23's response:
You're not crazy Emily- you just have a lot on your plate!
Enjoy your time home with your babies!!!!

Find a computer and log on when you can!

:-)
Me (41), DH, DS (2 1/2), DD (1)
 
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Amanda1981 responded:
Sounds to me like he isn't getting enough sleep at night, and sleeping to much during the day. Tell your granny not to let him lay down and do nothing, he needs to be active, outside playing or something...could be he sleeps a lot and lays around during the day because he is bored.

As for him being mean to Bella, get used to it. They are siblings and they will beat the hell out of eachother, ok not really but, they will fight a lot.

Maybe you could talk to Riley's doctor about his behavior, since you said he is smart and I can't remember if you said he talks well but, I know you said he understands so, it might be a good idea to get him some counseling, he might be small but, he is dealing with a lot.
 
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im4shoes77 replied to Amanda1981's response:
I agree with Amanda about the counseling. You have been seeing one to help you maybe he needs one too. I don't recommend he sees yours though. Talk to Social services they may be able to provide one for him.

I don't think spanking is the answer right now because I think this acting out is due to he stress of the situation. JMO
Heather (32) DH (36) DS (3) we have made through the terrible 2's but 3 isn't looking so hot!
 
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staceyj0709 responded:
He's having to adjust to a whole new life; it's rough on three year olds too. I think counseling is a good idea.
 
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linzuh04 responded:
I agree with counseling

also, timeout at our house, doesnt start until it's SILENT. DD had to sit in timeout for 15 minutes the other day. We dont scream in timeout. that's where I put my foot down. she can sit and scream until she's ready to start timeout.
ME (20s) DH (pushing 30) DD(2006) DS (2008)
 
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Amanda1981 replied to linzuh04's response:
Same in our house, a time-out is a time-out no noise, no getting up. If Abbigail gets up or screams her time out starts over, she has been known to stretch a 2 minute time out into a lot longer.

And I know this sounds super nanny but, having a place reserved for time-out works that way eventually the minute they plant their butt they know it's time to chill out and settle down. If we are out and about and any one of my kids act up they get a warning that we will leave, and if they keep it up and will drag them out kicking and screaming if I have to. I have gone way past caring about what people think of me anymore.
 
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leftcoastgirl responded:
I agree with PPs who brought up counseling. It seems like your son has been through an awful lot lately. It would be hard for an adult to go through what he's experienced - let alone a little kid. I really think that's the root of your problem.

You can experiment with time outs / spanking / whatever, but to me that's really the "clean up" stuff. It deals with the symptoms and not them problem.

As for the excessive sleeping, I'll start by saying that I am by no means a psychologist or medical expert, but it strikes me as something that could be a sign of depression. Didn't you say you were seeing a counselor? If so, I'd ask the counselor for advice and talk to your son's doctor, too. Your son is probably experiencing a lot of overwhelming feelings. Your being home with him for an extended period of time might do some good - but talking to a trained professional might help a lot as well.
 
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Stephensmom1214 responded:
I agree with PPs... he's not getting enough sleep. He goes to bed at 9, and wakes up before 7, so he's not even in bed for 10 hours. All of the sleeping with your Granny and Dad is just WAY too much, and is probably why he is waking up a lot at night. If he's not tired at night, he's going to sleep restlessly anyways. You need to have your Granny and Dad keep him engaged in activities so he is awake and active, and then he will probably sleep better at night. This is probably part of the behavioral issue as well. I also agree that he needs to see a counselor, ASAP. He is smart enough to get what is going on to a certain extent, and if you don't do something about it now, he is going to have even more serious issues down the road. This situation between you and is Dad isn't going to just magically END for Riley - he will be his Dad for the rest of his life, and will continue to screw up and let him down. Riley needs to see a counselor for probably a very long time so that he can develop the coping skills to handle having a screw up Dad. Good luck, hon!


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