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Update - Vent/Long
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alb7585 posted:
So we met with the reproductive endocrinologist on Monday. It was definitly an eye opener that left me walking out of there numb and on overload. Basically my PCOS is more advanced than was orginally explained to me. My cholsertrol is out of wack, my blood pressure shouldn't be needing medication at my age, my triglycerides are bad. Basically he said its like my body is that of a woman who is 35 with PCOS not 25. My doctor is the founder in a program called the PCOS institute which is an intensive program that changes everything: daily habits, eating habits, outlook, and even a medication that gets rid of my carbohydrate cravings. AHH I love my carbs. He said I should cut that down to 75g a DAY!! He said its not so much the calorie count as much as the carb count. Then he drew a heck of alot of labs. I need to do FOUR ultrasounds over the next month and he's going to some kind of xray that checks my tubes too. Then DF needs to have lab work done, the nurse was terrible and he LITERALLY passed out and they didn't get the labs they need. AND they need TWO more sperm samples for analysis. After all these tests we go back and go over how things look and what our options are.

This whole thing is soo devastating. I feel like I am being punished. I had my son and didn't want him at first (when I found out I was pregnant). Now I love being a mom and can't imagine anything better. But then I left my sons dad and feel like I am being punished for that too. (His dad has a drinking problem, no money management skills, ignored me, ignored my son, emotionally abusive, it was bad news and after three years when he said he still wasn't ready to get married, I left). I feel like I did something so wrong I don't deserve to get to be a parent anymore and I hate it. I am tired of feeling as if I am not worthy and I am soo guilty of so much. Am I undeserving because I am a bad mom? I just don't get it...

My mom was told she is in the early stages of kidney failure. This was an earth shattering moment for me for a ton of reasons. She had PCOS, had IUI to have kids, then has diabetes and now this. I don't want to lose my mom but more so I don't want to be in her situation either. I feel like I am staring down a long black tunnel and have no way to get out of it.

All I can seem to do is cry. DF is at a loss and has no idea how to help me. I am so depressed and just need a pick me up. I just wish something would go right for me and NOW. I don't want to be patient. I don't want to be on all these meds. I want to be a mommy. I don't want to be sick! When does it get better??
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KityKatK8 responded:
I do not have PCOS, but I did have to see an RE for fertility issues prior to conceiving DD, so I feel for you.

I didn't have any u/s, but I had the xray test - not as bad as it sounded. I have had good blood draws and bad - being well hydrated is important, but so is a good tech. When I was much younger, I also passed out during a routine blood draw. It happens. DH had such problems with the SA test, LOL! He sort of needed three hands - he kept dropping the sterile container! You will get through all the tests soon enough, though.

Don't feel punished at all. Your body conceived before, so you CAN do it. Plus, seeing such a good Dr now should prevent you from reliving you mother's life. Be glad you have found such a good Dr to help you acheive your dreams.

GL!
Me (37) DH (44) DD (born July 15, 2008 breech via scheduled c/s) Baby 2 EDD August 21, 2010, hoping for a VBAC!
 
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ariannasmommy1125 responded:
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have PCOS too, but not as advanced as yours. I know how frustrating it is and it definitely feels like a punishment for something. It is a very good thing that you have found a doctor that is so progressive about the treatment of PCOS. The things you are telling me sound right along the lines of the books I have read.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom also. Hope things start looking up for you soon!
Amy 30 DH 28 Arianna born 3/5/08. TTC 2 with PCOS.
 
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linzuh04 responded:
I dont have any of the above, but DH will be 30 in dec, and he's been on blood pressure and cholesterol meds for years. He just has to watch what he eats too (no salt). The meds havent had any side effects on him at all. They just help keep his BP and cholesterol down.

It's nothing you did. I dont understand that way of thinking. It's obviously genetics. Why would you place blame on yourself for a health issue like that? It just makes things worse. Why would you not want to take the meds to make yourself better? You need to make yourself better to be a good mother. And you need to make the lifestyle changes to make sure that your DS doesnt follow the same path (high cholesterol).

Good Luck in your journey and keep us updated.
ME (20s) DH (pushing 30) DD(2006) DS (2008)
 
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FarmWife1979 responded:
I'm sorry you are going through this. Crying is ok and is a good outlet for your emotions. You aren't a bad Mom, and you aren't being punished. Sometimes bad things just happen to good people for no reason. I've been dealing with a neurological problem for 5 years now that is sometimes linked to people with PCOS, so I have been there with that worry that maybe I couldn't have a child too. The good thing here is that you HAVE had a child, so it's physically possible, you just need to take care of yourself to be able to make it happen again.

Hang in there, feel free to vent to us anytime, but also seek some counseling for yourself (and your DF too, perhaps). There are so many emotions involved in things like this that a counselor that is there just to support you can really help.
Holly (31) DH (37) DD (2.5 - born 11/16/07). Full-time working Mom, Wife, Library Board President, Chef, Chauffer, Maid, Toy Assembler and Repair Technician, and Chief Boo-Boo Kisser.
 
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ShayKTen responded:
(((Hugs))))

I dont have any of the above that you mentioned, but I just wanted to say Im sorry you are feeling completely overwhelmed and saddened by all of this. As Linz said, you cannot blame yourself, it only makes the matters worse. I know easier said then done because it must feel that the world is breaking down on you and all the negative is being shoved into your life. But you have to also look at the bigger picture.... you HAVE a son now, I know you want another LO but dont take for granted whats in your life now (NOT saying that you are taking your son for granted) You just need to find the happiness that you have been blessed with so far, do anythign that you can and need to do for your health and hopefully everything else will start to fall into place for you and your family.
Shayla(25), DH(32), Rylie Kay(3), Reagan(18mnths)
 
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LittleTandMe responded:
My friend has PCOS, went thru IVF twice without success, and is 39. ALL the other things about her life are completely different from yours. So no, you are not being punished, this happens to all kinds of women in all kinds of situations.

However, she has had some luck doing acupuncture, she had read some studies that it helps, and she is now having regular periods for the first time ever, and a couple of months ago got a positive pregnancy test on her own. It wasn't positive by the time she made it to the doctor, but it was the farthest she had ever made it. So just something to think about.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. It seems things always happen at once. I hope things get better for you.
Me, DS Tristan, almost 3.


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