Parenting: 2-Year-Olds Community

Hello Everyone!

I haven't posted on a forum of any sort, but really looking to hear from other Moms out there. We have a very bright, and lovely 2 year old daughter. She's always been very warm and very loving. She's always been social and loves to meet new people. We have never had problems putting her to sleep, or eating. We of course have gone through the late night flu's and illnesses you run into with children. Nothing out of the ordinary. Life was going well. However, when our daughter was around 21 months old, she started to act up at the home childcare she went to. It was so sudden. She started hitting, screaming, causing a lot of problems. It was a very small home child care with only three other children around her age. Her childcare provider believed there must have been a radical change at home or something to cause this because it almost seemed to happen out of thin air. We didn't see any changes in her behavior at home and were caught off guard. She would push boundaries on occasions, but nothing extreem. She ended up getting so bad in a two week span that her childcare provider didn't want her there anymore. We had no idea what was happening. We also never saw the behavior so we enrolled her in another home childcare. Everything seemed okay. About a month 1/2 ago we were told she has still been acting out and not seeming to fit inline with the other children since she started. It was the first we had heard about it. She was there for about 2 months before something was said. We still were not seeing any changes at home. However, in the last three weeks or so, it seems like our daughter has become another person. She is almost constantly defiant, she tries to hit us, she bites herself out of frustration. She speaks very well for her age. She can speak in full sentences, tell us about her day, she knows her colors, numbers to 20, and can recall all sorts of things from memory. But when she gets in her tantrum she just can't express herself other then physical. It's like night and day all of a sudden. We spoke to her pediatrician who told us not to worry. It's all part of her age. We just have to be consistant. However, her childcare is getting to the point where she's too much to handle and had even said they believe she has a disability because she's different then the others in that her aggression to them seems too extreem. We take our daughter and her health and well being very seriously. We have spoken to a behavioral specialist and she will be monitoring our daughter at childcare next week. We are hoping to get to the bottom of things. We want to help her as soon as possible. I was just wondering if any other parents have gone through this. I know it's called "terrible twos" for a reason. But we can't catch a break. We can't take her out places because she's too defiant. We try and be as consistant as possible. I'll put my hands up and say I know at times I could be better at not giving in. I suffer from being someone who grew up being physically abused and I think I try and make up for it by giving in too easily or wanting to "spoil" her. But I've made a lot of progress being firm and sticking to my rules. Still not even a small improvement. It almost seems to be getting worse.

I know i've been rambling. I know we are doing a good thing by having a behavioral specialist spend some time with her and help us with some tools to help correct these behaviors. I just wanted to hear from others and their experiences. Maybe hear some tips that work for other mothers with defiant 2 year olds. We are up to try and hear anything!

Thank you in advance!