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Dad showering with his 2 1/2 yr old daughter
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Njnana posted:
I think this is a very strange and disturbing thing to do , my son- in- law showered with his daughter !! There was no urgency for him to shower with her ! My daughter works nights at a local hospital and she obviously wasn't home at the time ......she mentioned this to me, that her husband told her about showering with his daughter, and said how inquisitive she was hahaha ! Is what he said . As her grandmother I am so upset with this ,! I want to approach him re this matter !! How do I handle such sensitive matter ? please.....help me !
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ammanada responded:
There's nothing wrong with parents showering with their young children, same or different gender. At all. It's completely normal in most cultures; we're just more uptight about nudity here. It's probably best to not intervene in such things.
Says a Dr. Vincent Iannelli from about.com:
"While this can be a little bit of a controversial topic, most people would think that it is fine for a toddler to take a bath or shower with either parent or with another child of the opposite sex.
Many parents stop this practice during the preschool to early school age years, but exactly when you stop has more to do with how a parent and child feel about the issue more than anything else. If either feel uncomfortable or want more privacy, then bathing and showering together should stop."
 
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An_251459 responded:
My son is 2yrs old and I still bath with him every once in a while. You make it sound like a father bathing with his daughter is really bad. In my opinion is nothing bad came out of it then there is nothing to worry about. Children have bathed with the parents for hundreds of years but your post makes it sound like its a bad thing. Yes children are going to ask questions its all a part of learning. If you try to shelter the child then what will they learn?
 
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An_252407 responded:
Regardless who else (outside yourself) think it is OK for your grand-daughter to bathe with her father, you MUST approach this situation (the Dad) with the most gentle, non-accusing, and warmest expression of concern -- about your feelings.

I am a 49 year old male, with a 2.5 year old son and live in the 21Century US of AMERICA, where child molestation, pornography, and other abuse is bursting through the seams in communities, families, schools and sitters. There is NO way an act of this kind should be allowed to occur one time, not to mention multiple times; not with your child and not with the neighboring child who comes for a sleepover with your child.

A mother and father MUST know better than to be so reckless as to teach and allow yours or any child to become exposed to, to explore and/or generating curiosity and questions about your sex organs. Parents should all be careful what we teach our toddlers and children of all ages, how much we teach them, and when we deem it OK for them to learn it. Equally, parents should inspect, scrutinize and manage what their child(ren) are exposed to with a fine tooth comb; from the cartoons and other programs they watch on the tube, cigarettes and drugs, to their own and other people's anatomy and sex.

There has to be something severely wrong with a person, male especially, who consciously find it to be OK to dangle his private before a child, boy or girl for any length of time. To do so says a lot about your conscious or subconscious uninhibited sexual practices, which some feel so free to inflict upon their child(ren) who can not make the decision (whether to bathe with or sleep with their parent) for him/herself. It's an entirely different thing from eating with your child.

Keep your child safe from all
 
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jldean responded:
Regardless who else (outside yourself) think it is OK for your grand-daughter to bathe with her father, you MUST approach this situation (the Dad) with the most gentle, non-accusing, and warmest expression of concern -- about your feelings.

I am a 49 year old male, with a 2.5 year old son and live in the 21Century US of AMERICA, where child molestation, pornography, and other abuse is bursting through the seams in communities, families, schools and sitters. There is NO way an act of this kind should be allowed to occur one time, not to mention multiple times; not with your child and not with the neighboring child who comes for a sleepover with your child.

A mother and father MUST know better than to be so reckless as to teach and allow yours or any child to become exposed to, to explore and/or generating curiosity and questions about your sex organs. Parents should all be careful what we teach our toddlers and children of all ages, how much we teach them, and when we deem it OK for them to learn it. Equally, parents should inspect, scrutinize and manage what their child(ren) are exposed to with a fine tooth comb; from the cartoons and other programs they watch on the tube, cigarettes and drugs, to their own and other people's anatomy and sex.

There has to be something severely wrong with a person, male especially, who consciously find it to be OK to dangle his private before a child, boy or girl for any length of time. To do so says a lot about your conscious or subconscious uninhibited sexual practices, which some feel so free to inflict upon their child(ren) who can not make the decision (whether to bathe with or sleep with their parent) for him/herself. It's an entirely different thing from eating with your child.

Keep your children safe from all, that includes you and anyone who thinks this is OK.
 
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An_258373 replied to jldean's response:
I think your comments immediately focusing on "child molestation, pornography, and other abuse" when discussing a father simply bathing a young toddler indicate serious personal issues. I'd suggest you get immediate attention as well as staying away from children. It's frightening that your thoughts would go to such a vile, dark area. Please seek help now.
 
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nana2twins replied to An_258373's response:
I agree with JDean. There is no reason for a man to bathe with a child period. Men have a stronger sex drive and many can't control their actions and that's lead to men raping and murdering women,and children. Do you not see the news and how many mothers let or helped their bf sexually abuse their child? I remember thinking of suicide when I was only 6 or 7. I wondered what happened to me to have those thoughts at such an early age. I just found out the answer to why a few years ago. I chose to block out the fact that my own father was molesting me and it effected be to the point of either killing myself or blocking it out and to this day I have know memory of what actually happened between us and now he is dead and I can't confront him as an adult nor does he know he almost drove me to ending it by killing myself. I do remember him looking in the window when I showered. I remember at the time I had wanted to end it walking in on him sitting in the living room with my two younger sibling and he was master baiting. I also remember him telling my 6 siblings to go to bed and he told me to stay up with him and then tried to get me to drink wine with him laying in the floor while watching tv and I told him I was sick and he et me go to my bed with my sisters. So yes even though I blocked it out with the things I do remember tells me what I know even if I don't remember. My point is that my mother thought as you are thinking and I didn't have her to protect me from him because she never dreamed her husband would molest his own daughter. I watched my daughter like a hawk and never left her in the care of a man or alone with one. Parents it's best to think everyone may do something abusive and keep an eye out for your little one as an animal does her young. You saying that JL Deans was wrong when he was right to think the way did and was trying to tell the grandmother to watch out for her grandbaby which she should do and God help it if a child around you needed you to protect her because your obviously blind to the reality and facts this happens. I am 55 and I am suffering with manic depression ,anxiety and bi polar and under psychiatric care because I still have suicidal thoughts. Please watch children around you and their reactions and be there to help because I was alone and I am still alone. I have such hatred inside me for my father because he doesn't have to face what he did to me and is still doing to me from the grave. It is a sick world we live in with hateful people who think of themselves and not the one that is innocent and helpless. That is the one they prey own for self gratification!
 
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jldean replied to An_258373's response:
I appreciate your evaluation of my psychological well-being based on my opinion about a father who showered with (not just "simply bathing a young toddler" as you interpret from the situation). First, there is no mention of how old the daughter is, but if she's "inquisitive", then chances are she is--even at 0 years old--too old to have her father in the tub with her.

That said, I was merely suggesting the relationship of one act, i.e., a father showering with his daughter, with the other inevitable acts that could evolve from a situation of this kind, yes, child molestation...abuse. Hasn't that been proven enough in this country often times with no warnings of this kind?

To think there is nothing wrong with a man's decision to get naked and jump into a tub with his girl daughter, you must be a male; perhaps with a daughter with whom you have showered (or continue to shower with), slept or sleep with, or performed (or continue to perform) some other indecent act, which you excuse as normal. WELL, Mr. Man, it's not normal, and I stand by my opinion about a proactive approach in protection of our children--even against ourselves--rather than tears and helplessness after the fact when another child is hurt (mentally or physically or both) or killed at the hands of a grown male relative (father, brother, uncle, cousin, trusted long time relative) such as yourself, who take such liberties (as showering with a child incapable of knowing better her/himself, or incapable of knowing the damage that has the potential to come of being subjected to adult ignorance. Especially ignorance of one who thinks that a father showering with his young daughter or son (of any age) is OK. Like you, in all due respect, this person is who should seek help, and fast!

It might be one thing for a mother to shower with her young daughter or son, but it is never/not ever OK for a father to take that privilege of dropping himself in the tub with a child, boy or girl, and then think nothing of it. This alone should be concerning to any decent parent.

And you, dear SIR, are what's wrong with country. God help young children in your presence!
 
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jldean responded:
We would be curious to know your opinion about the comments on your 2 year old post regarding son-in-law showering with his daughter (your grand-daughter), and to have a update on whether any of the advice given here was useful for you and your family. Please let us know how things are today? Is he still showering with his daughter? Are you and the child's mother more comfortable with it? Has he stopped showering with the girl? Does he understand why it is or is not OK to do? Thanks!


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