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Dad showering with his 2 1/2 yr old daughter
Njnana posted:
I think this is a very strange and disturbing thing to do , my son- in- law showered with his daughter !! There was no urgency for him to shower with her ! My daughter works nights at a local hospital and she obviously wasn't home at the time ......she mentioned this to me, that her husband told her about showering with his daughter, and said how inquisitive she was hahaha ! Is what he said . As her grandmother I am so upset with this ,! I want to approach him re this matter !! How do I handle such sensitive matter ? me !
cdover8909 responded:
I don't see anything wrong with this, children are curious, I showered with both of my boys until they started poking at mine and then at their own. sometimes it is easier to shower both the parent and the child at the same time than it is to shower the child then put them in their room so you can shower yourself, that is just bad parenting. If it is still an issue then talk to your daughter and see if she would talk with her husband, so he can shower before she leaves for work then have him watch the baby while she takes a bath by herself. I am a single mom and understand how difficult how hard it can be to bathe 5 yr old and 2 1/2 yr old little boys. I usually bathe them make sure they are asleep then shower with the door open so I can hear them if they wake up, plus if they hear the shower running they are more likely to find me.
MorganandAlysaMom responded:
I do see something wrong, I think that it is a bit different when it is mom and a child of the opposite sex beacause we are use to sharing our bodies with them with breast feeding, etc. To me it is just strange to have a daughter in that situation with a male father or not. I may be just a bit old fashion although a am only 40. I think that the other responder had good ideas. You may want to talk to them if it is still an issue for you. I just wanted you to know that you are not crazy, That would be a bit too much for me as well. Good luck !!
Don_Lu responded:
There's an elephant in the room which needs to be addressed. I would suggest you think about how your fear will impact your relationship with your daughter and especially your son in law. My question to you is this. Did your daughter reveal this in confidence with serious concerns; or did it just slip out as part of a regular conversation? I doubt that it was the first scenario but in that case than action must be taken. If your daughter is concerned it is because her maternal instincts tell her something is wrong.

In the second case, where she reveals this to you by coincidence, there is nothing to worry about. Families are not subject to Grandma's ideas or opinions. They are entitled to their own opinions especially when it comes to such personal things.

Family dynamics are different. Be kind and gentle with your relationships. Be mindful that your opinions are just that, yours and not what they believe or practice.
momofpi responded:
Unless there is some additional information of previous problems there is absolutely nothing wrong with this! My husband has showered with both our kids just to save time and I prefer he do that then leave them unattended while he squeezes in a shower!
awenlefay responded:
My first instinct is that if your son in law thought he was doing something wrong or had questionable motives then he would never have mentioned it to his wife. You need to be very very careful about these sorts of "almost" accusations. If my husband was put in a situation like this with my mother then that relationship would be over before anyone realized what happened. Your concerns could easily be interpreted as a threat to the security of his family... Men aren't usually calm about that sort of thing.

All that being said, of course part of your job as Gma is to help look after the safety of your grandkids. It sounds like your daughter and son in law encourage curiosity and frankness in regards to their children and their bits and pieces. Not feeling like those things are dirty or secret is one of the best ways to keep children safe from predators. The unimaginable might still happen because guardians can't control everything all the time, but hopefully the child will know enough and be comfortable enough to tell someone. I think, in this situation, the best way to do your Gma Job is to be supportive of their parenting. It could be a little awkward at first when your granddaughter comes to you and announces that she has an "A" and Daddy has a "B", but your response will either encourage or discourage her from feeling comfortable talking to you about that kind of thing in the future. Also remember that more than likely, once she is a teenager, she will not feel comfortable talking to her parents about sex and it would be wonderful for her if she had a Gma she knew she could talk to. THAT would be a great time to introduce some of your traditional values regarding sex

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