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Sad about never having another baby
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4Zs4Me posted:
Hi all. I haven't been on in awhile but I do remember these boards as a place to go when nobody you know seems to relate, so here I am.

I have been feeling a little blue lately now that my DS is 5 months old. He's smiling/laughing/cooing, etc and he's thriving. Also, the other 3 kiddos have their activities that keep me busy (School, preschool, soccer, baseball, homework, etc) but I have been wistful lately about the fact that this baby was my last. I'm sure some of it is normal, but I hate to feel this way!

I know that once my younger two start school and their activities, it will be even busier than it is already. Also, I have a LOT of "behind the scenes" work that gets done to keep things rolling (laundry, dishes, chores, grocery shopping, etc) and so I worry already about giving all 4 kids the time and attention they need. I see people with one child and sometimes wonder if I'm cutting my kids short b/c there is only one of me to 4 of them vs. one-to-one. Financially, it is not a "struggle" but there are "choices" that I have to make about what we can go and do vs. what I have to pass on simply b/c of the expense.

I have always heard that you just "know" when you are done having children. While I almost sure we are, there is that little bit of a nagging doubt that crosses my mind at times. I knew after my daughter was born (and I was pretty sure before I had her that we were "done") that I wasn't truly "done." Now I'm having those "questioning" thoughts again but I don't know how many of them are me just mourning the past experience I'll never have again vs me actually wanting another child.

Can anyone relate to this? I would so love to hear about how you cope if so. I turn my attention to the children I already have and I thank God for them daily, but the question still lingers in my mind. I am also transitioning to a SAHM from being a 3 day/week worker, so I get more than enough time to be with my children and I don't feel like I'm "missing their childhood" like I did while they were in daycare a lot of the time. This should reinforce my fullfillment with my kids, not leave me wanting another one, right? I sometimes even have days where I'm the opposite because I'm so overwhelmed and I go "what were we THINKING having 4 kids so close in age??" Those days I totally am not thinking about adding another one!

The roller coaster of emotions of being a mom is one crazy ride, I tell ya.... If anyone wants to share, please do because it does help to know I'm not the only one!! Thanks for listening!!
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wantingbaby123 responded:
I know what you mean. I sometimes think about "What if I can never have another baby?" and i get so sad. But if you think about.....we can't keep having babies FOREVER!! LOL!! At some point there has to be a "last one". Just think, having four kids, there will always be someone around....and you can always look forward to grandchildren (in the FAR future). It will be ok.
 
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jcotton4 responded:
I'm just like you on this one. Except RJw as #3 and now we're done. At first I would just burst into tears when I thought about the fact that this was my last baby, but as time goes on I'm begining to feel more like our family is complete. Does that make sense? When I start to get a little sad about RJ being our last baby, I just remember how much I'm going to enjoy watching him (and my other kids) grow up and learn and discover things. And having 3 kids is hard. We do alot of activities (like you do) and its not easy w a 2 yr old and a 4 month old. But I dont want Dylan to miss out on anything just bc its hard for me to do things, so I just haul RJ and Abby w me where ever we need to go. I'd also like to be able to be more active in our schools PTO and I know that if we add another baby to the mix that it wont be an option till that baby is older.

I just try to make each moment w my kids count. I play w them, hug them, read to them, and I just remind myself how lucky we are to have the wonderful kids we have.
 
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Jle21 responded:
First of all, this post is not the first like this I've replied to So know that you are not alone in your feelings. I have two, and I am done. Whether I had two boys, or a boy and girl, I was done. Two children is my limit. And yes, I am sad. I cried when I packed my maternity clothes away, I cry when I pack DD's and DS's clothes away that will never be worn by my children again. I even have some clothes I simply cannot pass on and have them in my hope chest for my grandchildren one day I am sad I'm not having more children, but at the same time, I feel complete. My family is complete. I am happy with two children. Thinking of adding a third makes me feel like as much as I would love to experience the pregnancy, labour, delivery again... to experience the newborn stage again, etc. life is good the way it is. And I honestly feel whether I was done at 2, or done at 10, I will always have that longing feeling for just one more. It's the motherly instinct in us. So although I am sad that I am done, I am focusing on what I do have, which is two beautiful children and raising them to be polite, kind-hearted, courageous, gentle, etc. I'm focusing on teaching them about life and guiding them to their path before I one day will have to let them go, since our children are not ours to keep... which is a whole other post on its own.... And when I start putting baby clothes away, I throw them in a box so fast and put the lid on it and pass them on as quickly as possible, to avoid that saddness I feel.

So anyways, to sum it up, your feelings are normal, the question is, does your family feel complete? If the answer is yes, then remember that if you were to add a 5th child, you will still feel the longing to have a 6th....etc. If your answer is no, then you need to do some searching as to why your family does not feel complete, and if the answer is a 5th child, then that is what is meant for you.

~*~Hugs~*~
 
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scperdomo responded:
I am one of 5, 3 brothers (one in heaven, still born) and 1 sister. We are all really close in age. My older brother is 26, I'm 25, my sister just turned 24, my brother in heaven would have been around 21 and then the youngest (a gift from God, lol) rounds out the bunch at 17 (18 in Nov.). Of course there wasn't as much "parent time" for us. My mom was sort of a SAHM and my dad ran his own business so we still got to see a lot of him as well. Being as we were so close in age (except for Josh) we were pretty close and definitely knew how to share. I was very maternal with Joshua, he is 7 years younger than me and even still (with facial hair!!) he's my baby brother. Jason and Staci tended to band together against me and Josh... .don't really see how that was fair..... since Josh couldn't really do anything but sleep, eat and poop....

But I digress...... If anything I think we were better off than only children, I have a sister and 2 amazing brothers and my parents have to look forwards to tons of grandkids! lol I want 4 kids...... DH says we'll see..... lol
 
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erinsmom1964 responded:
You never really know if your done. Unless you have equipment taken out sometimes life has other plans for you. LOL see my signature
 
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BuggyMama responded:
I know how you feel. I'm dealing with these issues right now. I am a divorced mother of 2, one an angel in Heaven. My daughter is my life and I've always wanted a son or daughter for her to grown up with. I grew up an only child and promised myself I would let her grow up alone. Me and her father are divorced and I have been seeing my high school sweetheart again for the last 2 years. He has a son 6 months older than my daughter. Which is great but he's not my own. I take over in the step mother department but I've always wanted to give my daughter an actual sibling. Have another to pass down my traits. Plus I've always wanted to have a child with this man. He is such a great person and a perfect father. We make a great couple and our families each adore our little family. I just want to expand on that. He won't ever talk straight with me about the topic. Just dodges questions and when I finally pinpoint what I think he feels, he just says no to a child. Then he'll see I'm upset and depressed about the subject of never having a chance to be a mother again and he comes back with 'well when we have a child...' It's an emotional roller coaster for me and he doesn't understand that. I come from a background of ovarian cysts, a teratoma cyst at that. My last pregnancy was rough, I had alot of issues with blood pressure but the stresses I was dealing with are no longer there. I'd really like to have another before I turn 30 in 4 years and I'd really like to just have another one regardless but I'm playing this game of tug-a-war with my emotions and reproductive organs. He thinks it's not a big issue but we are going to get married soon. I'd just like to know all the bottom lines before. That sounds selfish but he can't give me a straight answer now. I love him and would be with him no matter what but I just want him to know how serious I am regarding this topic. This is taking away the one thing I feel strongly about and I can't give up my dream without knowing all the facts and I'm not going down without a fight. It just hurts...
 
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BuggyMama replied to BuggyMama's response:
wouldn't grow up alone** sorry. Fighting back tears as I was typing.


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