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Working Mom Blues
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An_222591 posted:
My little one is five and a half months old. My husband and I work full-time. This was always the plan, especially for the first child. I thought it would be natural for me to go to work. Now I am not so sure.

For months I have been struggling with the idea of staying home with my baby. I miss her so desperatly when I am gone that I feel paralyzed when I come home to her. I just do not want to leave her side. I tote her around the house while I do everything, which is fine. But it is confining. I don't want to leave her, because I feel guilty and I miss her. So, I do not do alot of things I should or want to do. That would not be so bad, but I also feel so sad because I am missing so much of her growing up. It upsets me that so much of her day is spent away from me. I feel like I am missing out and that I am not really raising my daughter.

My plan was to stay home and watch a couple kids to make some extra money...contribute. Plus, I love children. I am scared to give up a good job with benefits, especially during this economy. People have warned me about staying home. They said they felt isolated and did not have adult time.

I don't know what to do. I am not that happy with my job. I don't do my best there, because I miss my baby. Because I am working, I don't feel like I am being a good mother or wife... and lets not even talk about how I neglect my friends. (luckily they forgive me) Will this feeling go away? Will I feel the same way even if I stay home?

I just feel a little lost. I was always a person who knew what I wanted, but now I feel afraid to go after what I want.


How did you all make the decision? How do you deal with you baby making their milestones at daycare?

My daughter rolled over for the first time while I was at work. It tore me apart. It makes me sick when the careprovider knows more about the kids than their parents do. I feel like that is ineviatble with being a working mom.
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Anmar22 responded:
I'm a working mom as well. Right now my husband gets to stay home with her all day everyday because he is unemployed. He would love to switch places with me because he knows how badly I want to stay home. I had to leave my baby when she was only 6 weeks. I took an 8 week maternity leave but DD ended up coming 2 weeks later than expected. It was so hard coming back to work and even harder not being resentful of my husband because he gets to stay home with her. Now she is 4 months old I feel lucky that my husband is the one that gets to stay home with her instead of leaving her at day care. I still wish it were me, I've wanted to be a SAHM all my life. One day it will happen but for now this is what I have to do. That's what helps me get through the long days without her. It does get better. I am lucky that my job allows me to have 3 and 4 day weekends but I have to work long 12 hour shifts and only get to see her about an hour those days before she goes to bed. I'm sorry this was so long and I don't have any advice, but I do feel your pain.
 
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lamireh2005 replied to Anmar22's response:
I am also a working mom. I work 9-4pm but it really feels like I work all day. My office has soo many pictures of the baby and I constantly watch videos that I recorded of her on my phone. I have a really good job and it would be really hard on my family for me to stay home. I am lucky though that my mother or my mother in law watch the baby while I am work so that is the only things that leaves me sane. I asked my husband the other day if the baby will remember me since I am away from her during the day. I dont know. The economy is really bad these days and one paycheck is just not enough. Just think Ladies we are doing a lot for our children even if we have to put them in daycare while we are at work. Lets just hope the situation gets better for everyone and we enjoy even the smallest things our children do. Good Luck
 
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Hezz1976 responded:
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. I was just sitting here at work pumping and crying b/c I miss my baby girl so badly. She, too, is 5 1/2 months old. Right now, DH & I are struggling to make ends meet. I have always been career minded, and never in a million years thought I'd want to stay home. But then it happens. You get that little miracle in your arms and you don't want to let go. I have been at my job for 17 years, and I am now admitting that I am actively job searching. Things just aren't the same. I would love to find a job where I can work from home at least a couple days a week. but the job market is so bad right now. It's crazy. And I'm tired of getting the guilt trip because something happened with our day care, or the baby is sick and I need to go home and get her.

I'm not happy leaving DD even though she is with family 3 of the 5 days a week. It is so hard. I have pictures everywhere and I call daycare and our family every day to check on her. It makes me very sad and resentful when my MIL tells me she's been chatting all day (that was today). I want to be the one she gives her big smiles to and yammers at...not her!

I am just biding my time until I can find something closer to home and that is more flexible. (I travel about 3 hours per day to and from work.)

So...I guess no real advice from me either, just my own rant. I feel your pain lady.
 
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Darkmocha responded:
I have the same problem. Its even worse for me because I work at a daycare and I am the lead infant teacher. I have enrolled my daughter but there are 7 babies on the waiting list before her so she is at a home daycare right now
Today is Saturday I am offf I feel so guilty for leavig her that I am allowning her to sleep in my arms.

I was so on the verge of quitting one mornng this past week but we really need the money. We used all our savings while I was home with her.

My mom will be moving in with us soon. I so look forward to that I think I will feel better with leaving her at home with my mom rather than at a babysitter

The things we go through for our children We love them
 
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CaliMona replied to Darkmocha's response:
You have no idea how relieved I feel to see these posts! It makes me want to cry just reading them. My DD is 4 months old and I've been back at work for about a month. Every day has been a struggle. I miss her so much! When I get home I pick her and don't put her down until I put her in her crib to go to sleep for the night. I know it's not good for either of us, or my DH for that matter, but I just feel so guilty for not seeing her all day!

On top of that my DH is a SAHD right now. He works from home and his job really only takes up about a day and a half of his time. I am also having feelings of resentment and anger towards him because he gets to spend so much time with her. I think the situation has really started to hurt our relationship.

We've talked about me possibly working part-time but DH really doesn't want me to do that unless it's absolutely necessary. He doesn't understand why I'm having such a hard time working and he wants to be able to maintain the same lifestyle that we currently have, plus I have benefits. He's mentioned that if it comes down to that, and I work part-time, he will have a very difficult time with it, insinuating that it may cause even more problems for us.

I just don't know what to do, I'm at my limit. I've even made an appointment with a therapist in hopes that I can talk my way through this hard time.

I'm just so glad that I found you guys! I needed to know that I'm not the only one! Thanks for letting me vent.


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