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More on religion- interfaith marriages
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VicsEandJ posted:
Form readin the otehr psots, a few of us are married to peole of differnt faiths thatn our own.

Actaully DH and i fit into the agnostic category. But his family was raised Irish Catholic- he actullay had an aunt and unlce who were a nuna nd priest- they wer twins- I thinkt hat's fascinating but they have both passed away, so I cant' aks any of hte questions i have about becomigna prist or nun beign a calling.

My familyw as raised baptist, though somw are now AME-(afircan Methoidst Episcopaoan) and my sitaer is soem kidn f non-denoimatioanion CHristain- she changes churcehs a lot- she's looking for a group that fits with her thinking I beleive.

I think my kids should decide their own religion if that's what they want. I thinkt hat when they areold enough to understand the distinctions, thy shoudl be exposed to diferent religions. DH never talks about religion. His parents left the Catholic church when they married ( I have my theories about why,but no proof!) but really once a Catholic, always a Catholic. Every year on our anniversary, MIL reminds us that it's St. David's day ( I think that's right - its March19th) even thoguh she doesn't identify as a Catholic any longer.:-)

BIL (DH's brother) is married to a Jewish woman. She's not conservative or orthodox and her family doesn't keep kosher. But both of their sons had a bris and they celebrate all of the Jewish holidays. But they do Christmas also. They had a Jewish ceremony when they got married. DH and I had an officiant.

My questions are-

Did your DH"s family or your family accept you and DH as a couple?

Did you or Dh change religions?

If so, was it your choice or did family memebers demand it?

Did youdiscuss how to raise the children before you got married?

Do you have the same plan for the children that you had before marriage?
Me (42), DH, DS (3), DD (1 1/2)
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IslandGirl58 responded:
Did your DH"s family or your family accept you and DH as a couple? I don't know if you mean in a religious sense or just in general, but in either case, Yes, both of our families were fine with us as a couple.

Did you or Dh change religions? No, ironically, DH and I were the same religion, which as I mentioned in my other post is rare for my area. DH's family had stopped going to church LONG ago though, so DH had been baptized, but that was as far as his religious exposure got.

If so, was it your choice or did family memebers demand it? N/A

Did you discuss how to raise the children before you got married? We did. DH was self proclaimed atheist, but he's really not--he's more agnostic than anything, he doesnt' believe that there ISN'T a god, he's just against organized religion. I think that's mainly because he's never been a part of a church, so he just doesn't understand what it's all about. I knew that I wanted to baptize my children Lutheran, and have them make communion and confirmation and therefore go throughSunday school, and he was mainly ok with that. I think he just wanted to not be involved in it, and was hoping I wouldn't drag him to church!

Do you have the same plan for the children that you had before marriage? We do, and DH has actually come to church with me (we only go on holidays these days) and has actually enjoyed it at times--he likes the music. :) I have yet to take DD to Sunday school, even though she probably could start now, but we're only here in Mass. until next summer, and then we're moving permanently so I figured that I would just wait at this point until we're in a place where she can just continue to go. We do still go on holidays though.
Me(30) DH(30) DD(3) DS(1)
 
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mlgbears31 responded:
Oh my! I wish we had discussed religion prior to marriage and kids.

To me, the "religion" was not as important as the faith, values, and morals. Boy, did I learn a lesson.

I wouldn't say that my Catholicism caused unaccpetance by his family, but they were always quick to tell me how wrong the Catholic Church is. How "they don't bow down to no statues" etc, etc. I didn't think I did either, but....whatever.

Growing up, I was Catholic, but that wasn't a big part of what we did as a family. My parents didn't care if I married a non-Catholic.

We are divorcing now (not because of religion), but I know that for any future relationships, faith and religion will have to be considered more than I thought.

As for Kayla, I don't know exactly. She hasn't been baptized yet, because DH and his family wouldn't have wanted that. And I feel super guilty that she hasn't been. :( As much, as I really try to be open to other ideas about faith and religion, some things are just ingrained as part of what should happen, I guess.
 
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jlc78 responded:
DH is Jewish. I'm Christian --- Christened Catholic but raised more in the Methodist church (Mom was Catholic/Dad was Methodist).

Did your DH"s family or your family accept you and DH as a couple? Yes. We were quite surprised by how accepting DH's grandparents were because his parents were not allowed to date outside their religion.

Did you or Dh change religions? No. In fact, we had an interfaith wedding ceremony with both a Rabbi and a Methodist minister.

If so, was it your choice or did family memebers demand it? We had some issues finding a Rabbi willing to marry us but DH's mom insisted on it.

Did you discuss how to raise the children before you got married? Yes. DH and I do not practice our religion regularly. We decided to primarily raise the kids Christian since I'm more religious although we do incorporate some of the Jewish traditions in our home. In the end, we want them to decide which religion to follow.

Do you have the same plan for the children that you had before marriage? Yes.
Me (31) DH (33) and our 2 beautiful babes DS (6/07) and DD (9/08)
 
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ariannasmommy1125 responded:
Did your DH"s family or your family accept you and DH as a couple? DH's family really didn't care one way or the other although his dad did get upset when we eloped. My family was again more upset about the fact that we eloped. Neither DH or I were very religious when we met although he was reading lots of stuff on Wicca at the time.

Did you or Dh change religions? I did but it was my choice, no pressure from anyone.

If so, was it your choice or did family memebers demand it? See above

Did you discuss how to raise the children before you got married? Yes

Do you have the same plan for the children that you had before marriage? Yes. DD will be raised to make her own choice. She is exposed to our religion/spirituality and also goes to church with my parents. We want her to base her beliefs on what she feels is right and now what she was taught.
 
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Baby1at35 replied to mlgbears31's response:
My husband and I were of different religions. He was raised Seventh Day Adventist (very strictly) and I was raised Catholic (and my Mom is very Catholic). So then we begin the search for a church we could both feel comfortable with. That was an adventure and an eye opener. We went to several different ones. I must say it was a true learning experience.
We decided on the Baptist church. It fit both of us more and we loved the fellowship it provided. I will say that I was grateful as he died shortly after. The church was very supportive and I am so happy it worked out that way. The pastor called me regularly to check on me. I do not go to that church any longer. Not due to the pastor but some of the members. I then had my angry time at God and didn't go at all. I slowly made a decision to go back to the Catholic church. I have found lots of support for me and my children there. It feels like home. I feel comfortable.
But I will say what I have learned is that no matter where you go to church and what you label yourself your faith is what is at the heart of it all.
I know that my late DH's family does not approve really but they aren't around much so hence...anyway another topic.
I will say though before we got married we sat down and in depth went through our beliefs , our thoughts, our wishes. We really never had an issue with it (even though our families may have we never let that get in the way). I think if you are going into an interfaith marriage you should do what we did. It was actually something that brought us really close to sit together for hours explaining our religion and views/thoughts,
 
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DidiToo responded:
I'm going to answer these out of order:

I changed my religion; I converted to Judaism.

DH's parents were very accepting. My SIL (their daughter) married someone who is Catholic, and I think they (MIL especially) were a little upset that the grandkids on SIL's side celebrate Christmas. They're exposed to Jewish traditions, too, but SIL herself is not very observant of those traditions all the time. (SIL brought a bread and a cake to Passover dinner...the holiday where you don't eat leavened bread.) So with me converting, they're pleased that our kids will be brought up in the Jewish faith, with Jewish traditions.

My parents brought up my brother and me with the idea that we should choose our faith (if any) when we're mature enough to decide. They've put their money where their mouth is, so to speak; they're very accepting of the fact I'm Jewish and that we raise our kids in the Jewish faith. They have lit the Hanukkah candles with us and have stumbled through the prayers that go with them. :-) They totally love DH, and I think they just want me to be happy, and they know that this is part of that happiness.

We did decide to raise our kids with Jewish traditions and to keep a Jewish home (although it's not a Kosher one). There is no Christmas tree. For me, it was hard at first to think that traditions of my childhood wouldn't get passed on - we celebrated "secular Christmas," if that makes sense, which I know it probably doesn't - but I found ways to incorporate things. I now use my family's cut-out cookie recipe to make dreidel cookies each Hanukkah, and as the kids grow, I see how our own family traditions are forming, and it's awesome.
 
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mol13 responded:
Did your DH"s family or your family accept you and DH as a couple? My family was more openly resistant at first but grew to accept us; DH's family was more laid back at first but clearly harbor some old-school anti-semitism. His dad is older and of the generation where it was okay to be racist, and his brother is kinda the same way.

Did you or Dh change religions? No

If so, was it your choice or did family memebers demand it? My mom wanted DH to convert and thought he was going to.

Did youdiscuss how to raise the children before you got married? yes, we decided to raise them Jewish because DH isn't very attached to his faith. He was raised Catholic but had a singing job with the Episcopal church and felt more welcome there.

Do you have the same plan for the children that you had before marriage? yes. Particularly now that we live with my family.
 
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FarmWife1979 responded:
Did your DH"s family or your family accept you and DH as a couple? - Yes

Did you or Dh change religions? - I sort of did. I was raised by a Catholic mom (catholic school until 8th grade, church every day) and non-practicing baptist dad. When they got married Dad was in the Navy and could only come home on leave for the wedding. Mom's priest refused to marry them if Dad wouldn't take the classes (this was 1967) so they ended up getting married by a justice of the peace. Mom felt like her church turned it's back on her so she pretty much quit attending - still only goes for weddings and funerals. Fast forward, my brother and I were not baptised in either faith and by the time Mom got Dad talked into trying to find a church my brother and I were already teenagers so they decided better to wait and let each of us find our own faith and just dropped the subject. I met DH, who was raised in a strong Catholic family, and became a Catholic as an adult. I finished the RCIA classes and was baptised, had my first communion and confirmation all on easter, then we got married in the catholic church 2 weeks later.

If so, was it your choice or did family memebers demand it? It was my choice to join the faith, but it just made sense since I went along to church with his family anyway.

Did youdiscuss how to raise the children before you got married? Yes, we had to as part of the RCIA classes and the marriage prep classes that the catholic faith requires.

Do you have the same plan for the children that you had before marriage? Yes.
Holly (31) DH (37) DD (2.5 - born 11/16/07). Full-time working Mom, Wife, Library Board President, Chef, Chauffer, Maid, Toy Assembler and Repair Technician, and Chief Boo-Boo Kisser.
 
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Shena1981 replied to DidiToo's response:
Did your DH"s family or your family accept you and DH as a couple? My MIL has blamed me numerous times for making DH stop being Catholic :) If I had the ability to do that then I've got more power than I thought. DH went to catholic school his whole life, but it wasn't something he believed. So I get the blame for that. My IL's would rather me be a good Portuguese girl. Sucks to be them ;)

Did you or Dh change religions? No, I'm agnostic and he's Atheist.

If so, was it your choice or did family memebers demand it?
No one demands anything from me. Especially when it comes to my life



Did youdiscuss how to raise the children before you got married?
We discussed baptizing her. My IL's and my grandmother really wanted us to baptize her. We didn't want to of course. My MIL actually said she'd do it without us. They wanted us to do it for them, but it would have been a lie. I may not believe in religion, but I also don't feel comfortable going into a church and lying.

Do you have the same plan for the children that you had before marriage? Yes, we are raising her as a free thinker.
 
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ShayKTen responded:
Did your DH"s family or your family accept you and DH as a couple? Both sides yes. Altho DH was raised in a VERY christian household and he holds his faith, he never really followed in his parents footsteps. I have always been open and honest with my in-laws about my stance on organized religion and they have never held that against me

Did you or Dh change religions? No, neither of us were really followers of one

If so, was it your choice or did family memebers demand it?

Did you discuss how to raise the children before you got married? DH wanted our girls to attend church (us as a family). Im not comfortable in churches what-so-ever and I didn't want to upbring my children in something they knew nothing about. We have come to agree that when they are old enough and can understand, that they can have the right to choose which path they would like to follow. Even if it means that I have to step my foot into 50 different churches or explore 50 different religions of all sorts, I will be there to support them

Do you have the same plan for the children that you had before marriage? Yes. We have never pushed or urged, and thankfully my in-laws haven't either. Granted my kids are still very young and that may come up in the future with the in-laws, but we will cross that bridge when it comes. As long as everyone has FAITH, then I am happy and content
 
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tlkittycat1968 responded:
Did your DH"s family or your family accept you and DH as a couple? Yep. Surprising since DH's parents are practicing Jehovah's Witnesses and JWs don't usually accept people outside their religion.

Did you or Dh change religions? Nope. DH hasn't been practicing for years. I go to church once a week and take the kids.

If so, was it your choice or did family memebers demand it? N/A

Did you discuss how to raise the children before you got married? Not really but DH had no objections when I wanted to have the kids baptized in the Catholic churck.

Do you have the same plan for the children that you had before marriage? Pretty much.
 
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breezy_83255 responded:
I'm going to answer this even though I don't "technically" fit the topic! DH and I were both raised in the same religion, were active from childhood, and still have active parents. My parents, however, are different. I learned A LOT of my personal views about various religions through my parents' relationship.

When they met my parents were both LDS (Mormon), but my dad was not raised LDS. He mostly attended the Baptist church with his grandma as a child. He was baptized after he joined the navy.

His mom accepted his conversion 100%. There was no judgement. She even drove clear across the country for their wedding, which she could not attend because it took place in a Temple.

My dad's siblings are everything. He has a catholic brother, a Lutheran brother, siblings that are more agnostic, and a sister who is a minister in the Alliance of Christ church. His relationship with his mom and siblings taught me to accept all for who they are, and not what religion they are. It's a huge part of who I am and how I raise my children.
 
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SAHM2myGirl responded:
Did your DH"s family or your family accept you and DH as a couple? DH's family accepts us as a couple because they have to choice in the matter. He was raised LDS (Mormon) and I was raised Christian (Assembly of God). His family has always been very opinionated to the point of being pushy about getting me into their church. They have gone so far as to point out that even his ex-wife went. Uh, no duh, she was Mormon too. I am just not into organized religion.

Did you or Dh change religions? Kind of. We have discussed our beliefs and have kind of created our own "religion" for lack of a better word.

If so, was it your choice or did family memebers demand it? N/A

Did you discuss how to raise the children before you got married? We agreed to raise her to be a good person, be nice to others, etc. We also decided that she could choose to go to a church or not.

Do you have the same plan for the children that you had before marriage? Yes


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