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unmarried Mom last name ?
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Kimmy1545 posted:
My sister is preggo. She and her boyfriend are living together but don't have any plans to get married or make their arrangement any more permanent than BF/GF status. He is early 20's... she is mid 20's.

Her BF wants the baby (a girl) to have his last name. For him it is a "man" thing and he won't hear anything other than giving the baby his last name. We were all talking about the baby's name and the last name came up again. My Mom and I were saying that it may be simpler for the baby to have the same last name as my sis (since she will be the one who will most likely be the primary caregiver if they ven split up) and if they ever decided to get married, they can change both her name and the baby's name at the same time.

For anyone that was not married to their baby's father when you named the baby, whose last name did you use and how has it worked out? Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions?
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ImMe26 responded:
They can give the baby both last names ..??

My sister just had a baby with her BF and she gave the baby girl his lastname...

In the grande scheme of things, it really doesnt matter the lastname, childsupport will find him..lol...

I was split from my ex when our son was born and I still gave him his lastname..IDK?? Id like to hear other thoughts too...interesting..
 
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Shannan2007 replied to ImMe26's response:
I am married but kept my "maiden" name because I was already established in my career and didn't want to change my name. At any rate, DS has DH's last name and it has not caused any confusion other than on occasion I am called by DH's last name.
 
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j9ween2 responded:
My niece was given the girl's last name. Now my bro & her are married but I don't know if they ever changed my niece's last name. I guess they never really thought about my bro's last name b/c my niece's first name & my bro's last name do not go together at all

I think it should be the guy's last name.
Janine (Tyler - 5, Bella - 3 and Giana - 6 months)
 
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curleysue1968 responded:
I would suggest both to her. I don't think it's that uncommon for a couple to have different last names in this day and age. Like PP said, she kept her maiden name so it doesn't matter.

Not sure if it's true but my SIL told me you could only request your last name to be changed (without an event occuring like marriage,etc) 3 times.. like I said that could be wrong or mabye just a law where I live.
 
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An_222501 responded:
I would use both.
 
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megmoo78 responded:
I would go with the with both.
 
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sarah0323 responded:
Lurking...
When I had my DD her dad left after he found out I was PG. I gave her my last name. After she was born he came to see her and asked why I didn't give her his last name. I told him he could go to court to get it changed. He hasn't seen her since she was 3 weeks old and she is now almost 12 and she still has my last name. At this point I have let her make her own decision about what last name she wants to use.

For my 3 boys. They have their dad's last name. Their dad and I are not married and probably won't get married any time soon. I am now at a point that even if we were to get married I wouldn't change my last name. I do occasionally get called Mrs. dad's last name but other than that no issues. I will say that if I had to do it all over again I would give the boys both last names.

It is really a personal choice and like a PP said child support enforcement can find him if need be no matter what the LO's last name is.
 
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j9ween2 replied to j9ween2's response:
I didn't get to finish.

If she marries this guy the baby already has his name. If she marries someone else the baby still won't have the same last name as her. She would probably have to have this guy allow the new guy to give the baby the new guy's last name. & she would still have to get a name change
Janine (Tyler - 5, Bella - 3 and Giana - 6 months)
 
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mrv77 responded:
Why wont they use both last names?

I am not married and DD has my SO's last name. My parents are not married either and all 5 of us have my dads last name.

The only time there is ever an issue is when I go to the doctors office or when they call me, they address me as Mrs. "D" its not really an issue but I am not Mrs. "D" lol!!!
Me (32)DD (3)
 
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VicsEandJ responded:
I HATE the idea of usign two names. What if the kid meets someone with 2 names and they do the sae thing, does their kid get 4 names and so on.

if you r sister's boyfriend was a 'man' he would marry the mother of his child and they woudl be a real family and the issue woudl be moot,.

My parents weren't married. My mom gave me her last name, changed it briefly to my father's when they were making my sister, I think-LOL! and then changed it back to hers. I think i learnd this by seeing the names scrathced out on my health record as a teen!

I think its too confusing for a kid to have a last name different than the person who is raising them. But that's why I think women should take their husband's names when they marry- because it symbolizes a family unit. But if they intend to raise the kid together and he is going to actually be around and not be just a sperm donor like my father I think the kid should have his father's name. In my opinion, if you live with someone and have kids with them you may as well be married-you're just as trapped!

And if the kdi and mom have differentlast names, the kid can do what my cousin's kids did-ask repeatedly why mommy has a diiferent last name and why they aren't married. My cousin actually married his long time girlfirend partly b/c his oldest son harrased him to death!

:-)
Me (42), DH, DS (3), DD (1 3/4)
 
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mrv77 replied to VicsEandJ's response:
Vic I see your point but growing up we didnt question why my parents were not married. They have had a pretty good solid relationship too. I think we question it now as adults. My mom jokes around about keep her options open. It was my MOM that didnt want to get married. They are finally going to get married after 33 years together. I think I would question more why I dont have my dads last name than why I have my moms last name.
Me (32)DD (3)
 
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curleysue1968 replied to mrv77's response:
Maria, that is so cool they are finally getting hitched!! ;)

They beat me and my DH of getting married on our 30th anny when PG with DD!!
 
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mrv77 replied to curleysue1968's response:
Yup and I promised her she would have a bachlorette party with strippers and all lol!!!
Me (32)DD (3)
 
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curleysue1968 replied to mrv77's response:
that is awesome and sounds like fun!


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