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Question for moms of 3 or more
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JessHeath posted:
I have an almost 3 year old and a 6 week old and its crazy but I can't help but think that my family isn't complete. As soon as my boy was born, I thought, "I want a 3rd, I'm not done" and I still feel that way. However, a lot of people I talk to say that the 3rd is the x factor that makes the household crazy and the difference between 1-2 and 2-3 is huge! Is that true? Or are people just complaining about their kids. I don't mean to brag but my daughter is very good, my son is not a fussy baby, so far I have 2 very good kids and people have no problem babysitting my kids. DD is active and talkative but she is very polite and well behaved for a 3 year old. I guess I'm lucky or maybe I don't complain about my kids as much. Kids are so great and I know it will be expensive so what needs to happen is my husband's job needs to change (he is a teacher and in school to be an administrator so if that happens I can go parttime and we could afford a 3rd child). I just think kids are worth it though! It is what makes life interesting and I can't imagine not having kids!
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UKbluegirl2 responded:
No it's true. BUT I would not trade my baby girl for gazillion bucks, for the world, for any sense of normalcy.

We don't typically sweat it in our house. We live by routine. DH and I both work. The children all go to school. We all get home by 6:30, bathe, and the LOs are in bed before 8. We start the day again at 5:45.

While I say we don't sweat the small stuff, I mean we don't care if there's a mound of dirty laundry or if the toy room is in disarray. It will get taken care of; with three kids, you have to let things go or you will go crazy IMO. However we do not tolerate bad or disrespectful behavior.

With 3, there is always an odd man out. I mean there is always someone waiting for a turn with mom and dad. I've read responses on here before that some think that is unfair. I do not, luckily.

Ava takes Wil to wash his hands after he finishes his breakfast. Wil finds Mia's toy and plays with her and actually calms her if she's crying. We expect the children to 'help.' But I really don't think that's a bad thing.

So in all my ramblings, I say do what your heart tells you. Children are the greatest gift of all. When I am upset or aggravated because of something silly and I look in those sweet innocent eyes and know I am one of two of the greatest people they know, everything tends to seem smaller. My life may be crazy, but my life is also VERY blessed.
 
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megmoo78 responded:
Its a good kind of crazy in our household, and I couldn't imagine life without all three of mine.

If you don't feel like you're done, I say go for it! :)
Megan,DH,DD,DS1,DS2
 
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Kimmy1545 responded:
To have a 3rd or not to have a 3rd is a tough question. When my DD was a baby I was certain that we would go for a 3rd but as the kids got older and things got easier and easier I changed my mind. I have a boy (almost 6) and a girl (3.5) and I am very happy with my little family. I love the 1:1 ratio. It works well for us.

I worry from time to time that when my kids are older and particularly when they are adults, that I will wish I had 3 (or 4 for that matter) but in my -here and now- I am really happy with my 2 and can't imagine going back to having a baby in the house. Babies are so much work (but I know that the time goes by quickly)!!

Good luck with your decision.
 
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VicsEandJ responded:
I'll chime in, even though I have 2 and am done. I'll be 43 in August- and I personally think that's too old for anyone- and especially me- to be adding to a family. We' would have had to have the 3rd kid super soon after the second ( like last year :-) ) and we didn't have the energy or the money to have 3 babies and toddlers or to have 3 kids in daycare at the prices we pay for our 2.

I think that as long as you genuinely just want to have more kids and your DH is on the same page as you, go for it- kids are wonderful! Having one kid changes your life so much that realistically, the concept of normal ( or at lest what I consider normal- i.r. peac and quiet and time for just me or just me & DH) is out of the window.

Three kids can be dificult- both my sister and DH's brother have 3. My sisters kids are 23, 17 and 14 and she always thought the age differences between them were challanging- its hard to keep them all entertained at the same time because they weren't close in age. Also, there were usually three different schools and schedules to deal with. But my nephew loved his younger sisters and always helped out- with the youngest- he changed her diapers and helped rock her to sleep when she ws a baby. He babysat them after school when they were in elementary school and both girls adore him.

MY BIL has a 6, 3 and 7 month old, so they are busy nonstop, but the youngest isn't walking, so they can still put her down and she will stay there!

Any number of kids makes life harder, but in my opinion, there's nothing better!!! If DH & I were younger, we would have considered more in the future- despite firmly declaring we only wanted 2 when we got married.
Me, DH, DS (3), DD (2)
 
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cinder44 responded:
I only have 2 & am done. I don't know how things would have played out for us if we hadn't had twins. But I conceived them naturally & was over 35. I was scared of having another set of twins, DH had just lost his job(we are sill recovering financially) & I/we were getting older. So we are done. I do still wonder how it would have been to have a singleton.

I think if you both want another & can afford it I would go for it. Like Vic said how can it get much crazier!?!

I do like the 1:1 ratio too.
Me, DH, DD(3), DS(3) - twins
 
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j9ween2 responded:
mine are almost 6, almost 4 & 9 months. It is hard & crazy but you get used to it.

you will never regret having a third but you may regret not having the 3rd.
Janine (Tyler - 5, Bella - 3 and Giana - 9 months, born 8 weeks early)
 
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UKbluegirl2 replied to j9ween2's response:
Oooh good point J9!!!

I do feel that "IF" my family is complete now, I'm good. I don't remember feeling this way after Wil was born.

But then there's the anal CPA in me that likes round numbers, so......who knows!
 
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VicsEandJ replied to UKbluegirl2's response:
I am only an former accountant wannabe- but I like even numbers too. DH & I say that if we were younger and had more, we woudl wait untilt he 2 we have now were 6 & 7 thn have 2 more close together! That way everyone could have a partner!

Cinder44- the twin thing is so scary and tricky. Before I got pregnant with DS, I wanted to have boy/girl twins- so I wouldonly have to be pregnant once( I was a reluctant baby carrier). But when I was pregnant with DD, we were at the first ultrasound- I think it was about 8 weeks and they were checking viability since I was almost 40, the tech thought she saw somthing that looked weird- maybe like twins and she went to go get the doctor- DH & I were freaking because at that point we definitely DID NOT want twins. Luckily it was't twins she as seeing. Two infants is definitely a lot of work!
Me, DH, DS (3), DD (2)
 
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UKbluegirl2 replied to VicsEandJ's response:
ha! Vics, I actually had plans to go to law school AFTER accounting. I wanted to practice corp law somewhere exciting like NYC, DC or Chicago. But alas, I got tired of school and stopped with my CPA; then went back for my MBA. I still wish I'd gone for my JD instead.

But oh well....I guess #s are in my blood.
 
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VicsEandJ replied to UKbluegirl2's response:
I'd rather have a CPA and MBA. I love numbers- though as you can see, I, like a lot of wind-bag attorneys, am quite wordy too! :-)
Me, DH, DS (3), DD (2)
 
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sarah0323 responded:
Lurking....

I just had baby number #5. After I had my DD I always said I was done. Then I met my SO and we decided to have another. After I had him I knew I wanted at least one more. Well here I am with number 5. I felt done after I had my 4th. My SO even had a vascetomy by alas someone else had plans for us. So after baby #5 I am offically done. Yes they are a lot of work but it is all worth it to me.

For me the biggest change was when I went from 3 to 4 kids. I know alot of people say that 2 to 3 is a huge adjustment.

Like UK said we are on a schedule. I truly live by it but can be flexible when needed it. For us we both work. For me laundry is never done. There are always toys somewhere. But I really don't care. Yes I go through spurts where I completly clean the house from top to bottom and it seems it is a disaster 10 minutes later.

Everyone in our house has to help. I don't think this is wrong. They all have "chores" even the 3 YO can help take the laundry to the laundry room. He is so proud of himself when he helps. They don't know any different now and they just help.

It can be challenging but I don't regret having them.
 
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katieb426 responded:
Lurking...

I had 4 kids in 5 years. Number 3 came a week after number 1 turned 3.

DH and I always agreed that we didn't care what anyone else thought about our family. We were going to follow our hearts. Lots of people have called us crazy, but we really are one big happy family. I wouldn't change any of it.

Having said that, I do think that going from 2-3 kids was a HUGE change and really hard. There were times when I felt like I was never going to get out of the house or have kids out of diapers again. I suppose it's why number 4 came 2 years after number 3 :)
 
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JessHeath responded:
I am a bit anal about housework, I have to admit it bugs me that I am constantly picking stuff up but maybe if I can just keep one room, like our living room, toy free and picked up I would be fine because it would be somewhere I can escape when I feel overwhelmed by housework. The family room is also the playroom so that is generally a disaster that looks like a tornado hit it. So I'm hearing that if I have 3, I need to get over it, I feel like having a messy house is a reflection on my competence as a wife and mom and I need to get over that. Its from my childhood when I was messy and harshly criticized by people about it so I am over compensating......at least I know where it comes from. I was known as "messy Jessy" :) Oh well. I think I will just need to have a room though......is that possible to keep one room clean do you think? Also, as for the 1:1 thing, my hubby is gone alot with grad school and extra school activities because he is an awesome teacher and never stops doing stuff for the kids so right now it basically is already 2:1 for me so 3:1 will just require 2 of them to play together while I am with the other one. I'm from a family of 4 in 5 years so we did that alot. I was number 3 so maybe I feel like if my parents stopped I wouldn't exist. But I also really love my kids and want more.
 
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j9ween2 replied to JessHeath's response:
My living room & dining room are toy & kid free but they have a toy room. You just have to have a rule that they aren't allowed in there. The rest of the house is almost always trashed though LOL.

DS is almost 6. He's in full day K which is a lifesaver & he also folds & puts away all his clothes. DD1 goes to preschool 3 mornings a week. I only have to do her shirts.
Janine (Tyler - 5, Bella - 3 and Giana - 9 months, born 8 weeks early)


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