Parenting: 3-Year-Olds Community

We really haven't hit any "peer" pressure for either DD (3) or DS (5). I don't feel like I need to keep up with any of the other kids (clothes or toys) and never do the kids ask for things that their friends have. I do sometimes look at the activities that other kids attend and feel I should be doing "more" for my kids but then I realize that they have it better than many other kids out there and I become content with our planned activities. It is very hard not feel some sort of pressure but I think you have to make due with what you have or what you can provide.

I've been surprised by the peer pressure a couple of times now with DD's daycare class. I generally don't give in to it, because most of the time it just isn't important. 3 yr olds comparing who has Sketchers shoes and who doesn't. My DD doesn't not because I can't afford them but because she drags her feet when she's playing and wears the tops off the toes of her shoes sometimes in just a day or two! I'm not paying $30-40 for a pair of shoes she's going to trash in a few days time.

I did feel bad on picture day last Friday. Her daycare was taking pictures with live bunnies (OMG - poor bunnies!) so I didn't want to send her in her Easter dress because of the odds of getting bunny poop on it and ruining it before Easter. So I sent DD in jeans, a cute top, hair fixed, etc. She burst into tears when she saw the other two little girls in her class in their Easter dresses and wouldn't stop. She was still crying when I left. Her teacher said it took about 30 minutes for her to quit crying - I'll be curious to see how those pictures turn out - if she got over it and took a good picture or not. I almost went to the store to buy her a 2nd dress for the pictures, but I snapped out of it and decided not to.

Not really I simply cannot afford it.
The thing I seem to have a hard time with is the activities. Everything costs a pretty penny around me to get them involved in. I have that times 2 so I simply cannot do it.
I feel really bad that they aren't involved in that many activities but I do the best I can. They did soccer a couple times through our church and it was fun. However Tre really didn't participate all that much and Henry could take it or leave it so I didn't sign them up again. Swimming lessons are crazy expensive and it is hard to get them into those classes that are less expensive. So not really sure what to do about that.
My friend teaches kung fu and is going to give us a huge discount for his class so we are going to do that. He even offered to come over and do some private lessons for the boys.
As far as clothes I shop sales a lot and my Mom gets them clothes. But they really don't care about what they are wearing (thank goodness! )

I'm not that type of person. DD is still at home so we don't have any of that. Of course being in the military community there is likely to be less of that since the more junior folks don't make a lot. i'm hoping to teach her as she gets older how shallow all the 'brand name' stuff is and that a person is more than her clothes. I wear nice clothes, but honestly can't see paying 5 times as much for designer stuff that might not be as sturdy as say something from Land's End or LL Bean which both have pretty nice quality. I also don't go in for some of the 'cheap' clothes that look like they'll last 5 washes either because of flimsy fabric or poor stitching.

I will admit I did buy one of the old iPods for DD when the new ones came out. This was because i was anticipating us having to fly back to the States (right about now) and having to figure out how to entertain her for 8 hours when the portable DVD only lasts about 3. It has been wonderful for waiting rooms and sit down dinners (when we want to have an adult conversation and not keep her coloring which is not every meal) not to mention potty training for pooping. Turns out we're here an extra year, but DH hasn't begrudged the $150 I spent on it.

I think it will help that we both grew up in houses where you just couldn't afford that sort of stuff. of course with only him working we couldn't really afford it and be able to do travel and stuff. When she's older, my attitude will be 'you want $200 designer jeans, you earn the money for them'.

I'm not a clothes person at all. I would rather have some cool tech gadget than fancy shoes or a handbag. I actually dread having to get an outside job because I will have to shell out probably a couple grand to get work appropriate clothes. I will definitely miss wearing a uniform. it was so easy.

I was really unprepared for the peer pressure in Pre-K. I am a single mother so cannot afford the designer clothes and latest toys. I try to explain to my kids that the outside doesn't matter as much as the inside of people. It might be sinking in a little bit cuz my 5 year old DD told my 3 year old DS "it doesn't matter what your plate looks like, Jack. It matters what's on your plate!"

I can hope so anyway, as I know I am in for MANY years of why can't I have what so and so has?!

I can see that some of the people at DC's daycare are really into certain things, but I think I am immune to peer pressure. We were poor growing up and my mom was single, and I always knew that there were things that my sister and I just weren't going to have. And it never really bothered me. We always had clean cothes to wear- yet I only had one or two pairs of designer jeans-in HS and this was the 80's, when designer jeans first reared their ugly heads!!!
I know I'm weird, but my mom was great, I never felt like I was missing anything truly necessary for happiness.

With DC, I wonder what things will be like as they get older. For now they are happy with what DH & I buy them. I get their clothes at Old Navy, Kmart, Target, Children's Place( when they are having one of their many great sales and JCP- they also have great sales). Almost every pair of shoes they have ever worn have come from BRU or payless. We could afford more expensive stuff but I really don't understand why anyone would buy anything more expensive for a baby or toddler. If the clothes even last long enough- little children, of both sexes ( I jhave a 3 1/2 yr old boy and a 2 yr old girl), are REALLY tough on clothes- they can only wear them one season ( my kids grow like weeds- I wish warmer weather would hurry up because almost all of their pants from the fall/winter are getting too short! ). To me, my kids look adorable in the clothes they go to school in- what do I care what others are putting their kids in? I look at kids in designer clothes at daycare and I feel bad- they are rolling around on the floor- painting, playing, glueing, spilling stuff on themselves, etc. Plus, in my opinion, the expensive clothes aren't any more durable. Co-workers and my MIL insist on buying the kids designer stuff- DS wore through the knees of his Tommy Hilfiger jeans faster than anything. The zipper of his Timberland winter coat wore out halfway through winter, yet all of his Old Navy coats are still fine( I save old coats for play coats and for DD before donating them). And some of the Ralpj Lauren clothes MIL likes to but are a PIA- very hard to get paint out of them. I love to dress them in cute stuff for holidays and they have a lot of sports team clothing, but that's just becausee I like it, and DH and I are trying to egt htem to like sports as much as we do, not to compete with anyone else. To me, its silly.

MY DC also don't do ANY acitvities. They go to daycare/pre-school and are there 10 hours a day. Thats' enough to me- plus I don't its necessary to waste good money on stuff like that until they really have an interest and better attention span- it's JMO. I'm also a big believer in downtime.

Next fall or winter I will put them in swimming- if DD seems likes she's ready- but only because they like the water and need to know how to swim ( I need to learn too!)

If you let it, peer pressure will affect everything. Our biggest issue isn't cloths or activities. It's toys. Some of the parents, in addition to seemingly ALWAYS buying their kids a new toy, let their kids bring toys to school and the playground - all of the kids at daycre are obseessed with Thomas and Cars. My DC ask all the time if they can bring their toys too. I say no, you don't need your toys at school or the playground, and DS says 'well so and so's mom lets him or her'. I just say well your mom says no. Kids notice everything and I just think that if you start letting peer pressure rule when they will still listen to you, life is going to be a nightmare as they get older.

hmmm, I wonder if this was my mom's strategy?....

LOL yes it might have been your Mom's strategy.

I have to say, my kids are older but the peer pressure didn't end. Yes we got through the light up sneakers, but then high school brought different material things. I'll never forget when I saw a boy in my daughters High School drive up with a brand new Audi, and me in my Saturn car. I said to my daughter (who was getting ready to drive herself) wow look at David driving his mom and dads car. And my daughter said, Mom that's David's new car, he just got his drivers license.
Yikes I thought!
We got our daughter a used car that year, I just couldn't see afford or justify her getting a new car.
It never ends....

I wanted to add that we haven't put DD in any of the activities yet either. She spends 10 hours a day at daycare as well, so she's getting plenty of socialization. The other classes - dance, gymnastics, etc are so dang expensive! Wouldn't be so bad I guess if I weren't paying so much for daycare too.

I'd like to put her in swim lessons, but around here the Red Cross swim lessons start at age 4. She's won't be 4 until November, so that puts us out for the entire season unless we do private swim lessons. Not dishing out the cash for that!! I want her to learn to swim, even basic survival swimming, soon because our farm property has 4 ponds on it and it would only take a second for her to fall in. We watch her like a hawk when we are out there, and I always leave my keys and phone on the picnic table so I can dive in after her if I need to without frying my electronics, but it's still a constant worry for DH and I.

When she gets a little older, DH and I both want her to take some gymnastics (to help with balance and coordination) and piano as an introduction to music. DH and I both took those lessons as kids and feel it's important - I took 5 years of piano lesson but am tone-deaf and have forgotten most of it. DH, on the other hand, springboarded from piano into guitar, played 2 or 3 instruments in HS band, and now plays bass guitar in a local rock band. If DD wants to do other things, then we'll look into it when she asks.

I plan to let my kids do some activities when they get older- once they show a real interest and commitment for it.

The cost of daycare prohibits a lot! We took the kids to the beach once last summer and I was freaking (silently) the whole time. I don't swim and thanks to my mom- I can't get in water that's higher than knee deep without being nervous- becuse that's the point taht she would freak out!, so I'm a lay on the blanket kinda girl -and I don't go too often because it gets boring and hot if you don't need a tan! .

Last summer DDand I stayed at the very edge of the water ( she wanted no real part of the water) while DH took DS out a bit. DS did great. DH never let go of him.I made them stay right near the lifeguard but I tried not to freak out like my mom would've been doing!

I don't have a license so I have no reason to be envious of anyone's car- or total reason to be envious of everyone's car- depends on how you look at it!

Ha! You are right, but there was no way I was getting my daughter a new car. Turns out when they are first driving, it's like bumper cars!

Thanks for that!

I definitely don't feel like I have to get my kids certain toys or clothes. They are little but even so, I'm sure that plenty of kids are dressed better than mine. My mother buys a lot of their clothing on sale and then they're dressed. Sometimes it has their favorite characters on it, and they're even more excited.

I sometimes feel like other kids are doing more activities than mine. My bigger one goes to preschool 3 mornings a week. My little one has a playgroup or two that we get to when we can. I just can't figure out how to get them into toddler swim or gymnastics or tee ball or whatever else. Maybe in the fall my big one can start cello lessons . We really like being able to spend the time just playing or reading or doing puzzles.