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3 year old getting mad when being picked up from daycare/preschool
cyavca05 posted:
Hi All, new to this forum as my little girl is turning 3 next week. I would like to know if any of you has been through simmilar situation or has an opinion on this. My DD started daycare/preeschool 3 weeks ago after spending a whole year being taken care by grandma(living with us). grandma left two weeks ago to go live in another country. DD has been happy going to daycare, she is not confident to stay there in the mornings and is sad when I leave, but in the afternoon when I go to pick her up she is not happy to see me, she doesnt kiss me and she is sad that I have picked her up. Last night DH and I went to picked hre up together and it was the same thing, later that night she told DH that she didnt loved him and to not go to pick her up from school again, she told him this as she was sitting on his lap just having a friendly conversation. We dont know if she just doesnt know what she says yet and we dont know if getting sad when I pick her up is just because she wants to keep playing or if there is something else. I'm a little worried. Any advise?
momtobegrunden responded:
It's a normal reaction

I have an in-home daycare, and I see it all the time. It takes awhile for them to transition from "Hey, I'm having a blast playing" to "Hey, mom's here, time to go!" They have no concept of time, so it's not like they can mentally prepare for the end of the day, either. Maybe it would help if you could spend five minutes playing when you get there to help her transition. I find that giving timed warnings helps my son. Even though he doesn't really understand time, saying, "OK, we have three minutes left, then it's time to clean up and go home" warns him what's about to come so it's not a complete shock when it is time.

The other day, one little girl I watch threw an awful fit when it was time to leave. Her mom had to drag her out, kicking and screaming, while she reached for me over her mom's shoulders. I can't imagine what her mom was feeling...

It's also partly a stubborn three-year-old thing. They just want to do the opposite of what you want, just because they can.

And the part with your DH is probably just a phase. My son is going through it right now. He won't kiss or hug DH anymore and sometimes I'm lucky to even get a goodnight kiss. They're just testing their boundaries.
FarmWife1979 responded:
I would say that is normal. DD's been going to daycare since she was 5 months old, but even though she is used to it and is quite happy to be there (to the point of getting mad when there is a holiday and she can't go to school like normal), around when she turned 3 we had some times where she didn't want to leave when I came to pick her up. Usually it is just that she's having a good time playing her friends and doesn't want to leave yet. I've noticed it was more of a problem when I got there early and she was one of the first kids to get picked up rather than in the middle of the pack or toward the end of the group of kids getting picked up. So, sometimes I've hung out at daycare an extra 10 minutes or so while she played a bit more or finished an art project and it gave me a chance to ask the teachers some extra questions about how she's doing or whatever rather than our usual fairly quick pick-ups.

Give her some time - she hasn't been going to daycare very long and it's a big adjustment when she was used to just Grandma and being the only kid all day.

As a side note, we also went through the doing or saying the opposite of what she knew we wanted just to be defiant. I swear if I said the sky was blue she'd say No it isn't. That's when we as parents get to have fun with the reverse psychology! i.e. "I don't want you to pick up your toys - just leave them all over the floor." She'd pick them all up and put them away. Lol!

The I don't love you thing - it hurts when they say it, but try not to take it personally. She's testing for a reaction. My DD said that too - I just looked at her and said "Ouch! That hurts my feelings. Well, I love you, and I'm not going anywhere, so you better get used to it." and then just dropped the subject. Later that night she said she loved me and gave me a hug.

Hang in there - I think 3 was harder than 2.
Holly (31) DH (38) DD (3-born 11/16/07). Full-time working Mom, Wife, Library Board President, Chef, Chauffer, Maid, Toy Assembler and Repair Technician, and Chief Boo-Boo Kisser.

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