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time outs
sarahann1978 posted:
I just posted this on the parenting board and thought I would copy here if anyone has any advice:

My DS just turned 3 and he is a very energetic and high energy kid. He is usually pretty good and happy, but like all 3 year olds has his moments of being naughty too. We are generally oposed to spanking for punishment, and we attempt to give him time outs. We don't really give them frequently, he is usually pretty well behaved or responds to reprimands.

When we do give him a time out he refuses to sit in it. We fight with him and usually have to physically restrain him to get him to stay put. We don't have a specific time out spot, we just set him on the sofa or floor, or whereever is appropriate in public. I have heard other kids will sit in a time out, so I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts on how we can make the time outs more effective and not make them such a struggle?

Sarah (33) DH (30) DS (Jan 2009) baby (Aug 2012)
bravefan76 responded:
Time outs are struggle at our house as well. It seems when he hit three he became much more definant. I have a time out spot alongthe wall in my house. I require him to stay there for three minutes in a "calm state." It begins as a struggle to stay there. Each time he runs off, I calmly go get him and say "you will stay in thime out for three minutes." Sometimes that 3 min TO can last 15 minutes since I reset the three minutes after each time I have to go get him. Eventaully he calms down and stays there. I don't physcially restrain because that just seems to escalte the situation. It is EXTREMELY frustrating and I have ZERO patience so it is a struggle for me as well.
jlynnpaine responded:
When we first started using time outs for Shae, I had to physically hold her there. Now, we don't have to, though I occasionally have to put her back and tell her that she needs to stay there until we come get her. Sometimes, when she's REALLY upset, I will stand close to her, but not looking at her and that seems to help her stay when otherwise I know she'd get up because she's just so mad. We do have a specific place for it at our house and my mom has a chair that she uses for time outs, which I think helps her associate that she has to stay there. I'd say just be consistent with it and he'll get it with time. When I did have to hold her in place, I turned her back to me and refused to speak to her until we were ready to get up. I didn't want her to get any attention from it but also wanted her to know I meant business and would not allow her to get up until I said so.
magsnemma responded:
We also use time outs, and when we first started them, DD would not stay in place. The first few times I put her back over 10 times. The first time I got down to her level, told her she was in time out and she needed to stay put, and walked away. The next several times I didn't say anything and just put her back. Now she stays put when I tell her too. It took a long time, a lot of frustration, and sometimes trying not to smile at her (cute lil stinker).

If she's not listening, I also warn her that she will go to time out if she doesn't comply by the time I count to three. For whatever reason, that works like a charm on her.
Ali (34) DH (35) DD (3)
blueeyebaby responded:
We have also done time outs. We held Caleb when he was little and then when he got to be around 20 months we had a chair in the hall for time outs. He still causes havoc in time outs now and some end up being 10 to 15 minutes for playing with the gate, chair or even just moving the chair around to see or get to his little sister. We also have a problem with Alyssa bringing him toys or joining him for "play time" in time out. Same thing happens when she is in time out for something. If either of them are causing too much trouble while in time out we put them in their bed for time out. This usually really gets their attention because they can't see any of us to get a reaction out of us. When out at someone else's house we fine a quiet place to put them for time out such as steps at a friends (that is where her kids do time outs), or a spot along an empty wall so they don't have things to play with and are usually our of the main play area line of sight so they can't stir up issues with the other kids still playing. I also try and just put Alyssa back in the time out chair when she leaves it so not to give her the attention she is looking for. It may end up being a long time out but keep at it as calm as you can be and someone recommended putting a timer where they can see it so they know when their time is up and just reset it each time you have to put them back.
Mary(31), DH(31), DS(Jan2009), DS(July2010)
ambern99 replied to bravefan76's response:
I agree with bravefan to not physically restrain him. We also do timeouts with DS and depending on his mood it can be long process to get him to finally calm down and finish his timeout. Sometimes he even starts hitting or kicking his bedroom door or the wall. We've started to take away things that he really likes as a punishment, like a game that he got for Christmas, if timeouts aren't improving his behavior.
jlynnpaine responded:
I saw this nifty "Time Out" tool on Pinterest the other day and just thought about it. It's a large bottle of water with blue food coloring and glitter in it that's all sealed up. You shake it up and the child has to sit until all the glitter settles to the bottom. It gives them a chance to calm down and something else to focus on other than being mad. I haven't tried it myself, since I'm afraid it would almost be more of an award than a punishment for bad behavior, but just thought I'd throw it out there in case someone wanted to give it a try.
Jackie03291 replied to jlynnpaine's response:
That does sound like a good idea, especially maybe for a child who has a hard time calming down when put in time out.
Jackie (27) Bryan (36) Ava 10/14/08 Baby Girl 2 Due 5/4/12
neeru_pdx replied to jlynnpaine's response:
I love the blue water glitter idea!
We do not do time outs. or any other type of discipline, but I do believe many people (kids and adults) could use tools to help when things get tense! (The old - just count to 10 and take a deep breath often works, but blue bottle sounds a lot more fun!).
I think I will make them with my kids - maybe they can choose the colours, we can make one for each person in the family! I love the idea, thank you for sharing
jlynnpaine replied to neeru_pdx's response:
That's a really good idea. Each kid can have their own and choose the color that goes into it. And I agree. Sometimes we all need to be able to calm down and watching something like that would definitely help. You should post pictures after you make them.

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