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Potty Training: Boy Toddler Afraid to Release
LadyK_Momof2 posted:
I'm a little late potty training b/c my son doesn't really care to be wet. But he's 3 and 3 months now and I figured we need to move on with this potty training. I've got everything ready to go. However, my son will not RELEASE THE PEE unless it's in pull-up or diaper. We wear only underwear when we are home; hoping that he can feel the pee and know when something is wrong. However, my child held his urine from 10am to 4:30pm and finally released in on my carpet when he could not hold it anymore. I'm so nervous that he causing harm to himself. Occasionally he holds his penis and I know he has to go but it will not. Does anyone have any clues? I was told to take him outdoor without bottoms so that he will get used to releasing. Thoughts? Suggestions? My daughter was not THIS HARD!
magsnemma responded:
I would think if you stop putting him in diapers or pull-ups altogether (except at night), he would learn to pee elsewhere. I wouldn't worry too much that he can hold it as long as he is. DD can do the same thing, and actually sleeps 12 hours without going. I asked the pedi about it and she said as long as it doesn't appear to hurt when they pee, you are good to go. But, that said, I'm not a doctor.

I don't have a boy so I'm not sure what else to suggest. What about doing the Cheerios in the toilet thing and making a game out of trying to hit them?
Ali (34) DH (35) DD (3)
sarahann1978 responded:
I agree with everthing that Ali said, in addition to the Cheerios I have heard tinting the water blue with a drop or two of food coloring, so when they pee it turns green can make it interesting.

My son is about that age and he can communicate, so does your son say why he insists on the diaper or pullup? Also do you have him sit or stand? Maybe try the other way then what you are doing. I am leary of the outdoor peeing as we did that last summer to get the PTing going, and yes it was helpful, but now DS does not have any hesitation about going outside while he was playing and even dropped trou in front of other kids in the park the other day.

I think I would just be clear with him that during the day there will be no more diapers or pullups and he needs to go in the toilet. Be firm about it and he will come around.
Sarah (33) DH (31) DS (Jan 2009) baby girl (Aug 2012)
LadyK_Momof2 replied to sarahann1978's response:
Thanks for you reply. When we are home, we only use underwear. We only use pull-ups when we are leaving the house and diapers are used at night (b/c we still have them).

My son sits and tucks to pee. I was told that this was the easiest for boys and to use the Cheerio method after they master it. Using blue food coloring is something I have not heard and will have to try.

The issues I have is the actual release. He panics and tries to get diapers and bangs on a door that I keep them in when he has to go bad. He applies pressure to penis by clutching it tight to keep it from coming.

Just now, he had to go so bad that he knees were clutched and he was clutching his penis. My husband ran him to the potty. It's been 15 minutes and we have no pee. He will not go. It seems as though it's psychological. How do I get him to realize that it's ok to pee outside a diaper. He see us go and watches my husband go... but it has not clicked and he will go hours without peeing.
jlynnpaine replied to LadyK_Momof2's response:
Have you tried running water in the sink while he's sitting? That helped my DD to release when she was first learning. I'd also push the liquids so that he just can't hold it that long. Once he gets the hang of it and it doesn't seem so new and scary, I'm sure it will probably get better.
Jodi (28), DH (24), Shaelynn (2), DD2 (due 5/16)
scperdomo7 responded:
Hi! I just saw that this was posted about 2 months ago, but wanted to comment anyway.

Hopefully at this point your little guy has come to the realization that peeing in the potty isnt that bad after all!

My son will be 3 in July and we started PTing a couple weeks ago, but it was very difficult. He didn't even want to let me put underwear on him! He would cry and try to take it off.

One weekend, I decided I had enough. He KNEW how the use the potty, he KNEW what it was for. I KNEW he was ready. So we went out, bought some cheap underwear and put him in it and he peed on himself all day Satuday and half the day Sunday before he FINALLY came to us and said he needed to sit on the potty and voila! He's been peeing on the potty like a champ. Pooping... well, we're still working on that.

The ONLY time he wears a diaper is at night and during nap time. He would come to me in the beginning and ask for his diaper when he had to pee and wouldnt let me sit him on the potty even though I knew he had to pee and then 5 minutes later he would pee himself. But I just told him that diapers are for night time and that was it.

Anyway, hopefully you are already past this!
Reace102308 responded:
We are going through the same thing with our son! However he will turn 4 in October. It's been such a struggle. Have you had any progress? He is afraid to release in the potty as well. He'll tell me he went, but I know he didn't. He'll hold his pee pee while on the potty. I try not to stress him out, so I leave him be for a couple of minutes. We've tried cheerios, the sticker method...nothing works. He just screams No! Wants the pull up on. He has had accidents on the floor of course, and helps me clean it up. Then I noticed he thought the mopping up was fun, so that didn't really work either. (I had read to have them help you clean up the pee pee)... He starts school up again in a few weeks...All we can do is keep trying. Your not alone
OneBlessedMommie replied to Reace102308's response:
We had a pretty difficult time for a while as well. We also tried Cheerios and he couldn't care less. What ended up working very well was Skittles! Eventually he could earn up to 4 Skittles per potty trip. I don't normally allow our kids to eat candy often but a few Skittles until he was trained wasn't a big deal.

This was our system:
He earned 1 Skittle for each accomplishment:
1. Coming to tell me he had to pee.
2. Having a dry pull-up when we got to the toilet.
3. Actually going pee in the toilet.
4. Going #2 in the toilet.

After we were done in the bathroom we made a trip to the kitchen and I got down the CLEAR jar of Skittles and allowed him to choose which color(s) he wanted. And, after going #2 three times on the toilet, we made a trip to the toy store and he could pick out a new Cars 2 car. All of this was TOTALLY worth it, I'm telling you.

It is difficult to get them to go #2 on the toilet but using a little padded seat (with their favorite character on it of course) to fit inside the toilet seat makes a HUGE difference. Otherwise they feel like they're going to fall into a giant pit. We were pretty fortunate that Cars 2 was huge during this time and we got Cars pull-ups, toilet seat, toys, etc.

Eventually, he was trained and we explained that now that he was a big boy and always used the toilet without accidents, it was time for real underwear (which he had to call "skivvies" because, according to him, underwear were for girls.) So, we made a trip to Target and got his special skivvies, with Cars 2 characters, of course. This was a huge deal for him. We had very few night-time accidents before he was fully trained. BUT, problems with bed-wetting can be a totally separate issue from potty training. So, if he never had accidents during the way but still continues when he sleeps there are other methods to try but bribing may not be one of them. A lot of kids deal with this for many years so be patient and super supportive during this time.

OK, that's my opinion. I hope it helps!
Reace102308 replied to OneBlessedMommie's response:
Thanks for your feedback!! I will try that for sure. I have tried telling him he could have a Scooby snack as a "reward". But he wanted the snack just for sitting on the potty...Ahhh, they are little smarties aren't they? We have a SpongeBob potty for him that goes on the toilet. That hasn't made much difference.
I'll try the Skittles.... At this point you try anything. He has plenty of underwear. I even let him pick them out at the store. We arranged them all out on his bed after we came home that day. This was about 5 weeks ago. Doesn't want anything to do with them.
I'll keep you posted, and thanks again!
ginabee500 responded:
I'm not sure if you will see this but I wanted to know if your son ever got over this fear and how. I am having the same problem with my son now. He is afraid to pee anywhere but in his diaper. Please help!
mcnallyrm responded:
My son is going through the same exact thing. He is 3 and half. He doesn't like the potty. He will sit on it, but even though he has to go he will hold it as long as he can. I see this was posted 3 years ago, do you have any advice on what finally worked?
psky9 replied to mcnallyrm's response:
Currently helping my daughter potty train her son who turns 4 in 6 weeks. This kid has an iron bladder. I'm convinced! We are on day 5 and he has peed in his potty chair 3 times. We had to use Cars stickers on a "potty chart" just to get him to sit on it. Next we showed him the gum ball machine filled with M&Ms. He wanted them but did understand he'd get to put a penny in the machine "as soon as. He peed in the potty". He'd sit on the potty, but not pee till he got his underwear on. We explained that he was only supposed to pee in the potty. Finally, when we realized he preferred peeing in his clothes and didn't mind being wet we sat him on the potty in the morning. He was allowed to get up whenever he wanted but we refused to put his clothes on ( he only had a shirt on). He really needed to go but understood he was not to go on the floor- he had to go in the potty and he really DID NOT want to walk around without his underwear on. That kid sat on the potty for 3 hours ( remember, it was his choice - he was allowed to get up at any time). We read several books to him as he sat there and finally gave him a bowl of water to play in with some small toys. As soon as he put his hand in that water he peed! He was so excited! So now he knows and we know he can do it. We are now watching him closely to know his cues for when he needs to go. He dances, crosses his legs and wiggles when he's trying not to pee, so we tell him that's what's going on, "you are crossing your legs. That means you need to pee. That is when you sit on the potty." That's where we are so far. Our issue is his mom is single and he lives at two houses (3 when he stays with me). So everyone needs to be on board, doing the same thing. This will be a process. But he'll finally get it. He does enjoy being a big boy and does get very excited when he's peed in the potty. We have people he calls to share the news with when he goes which he was super into!
nreyn3 replied to psky9's response:
My step sons will be 4 soon, they are at our house 3 1/2 days a week (shared parenting). We have been having an ongoing potty problem. I don't think that they are being worked with at home. We started trying to potty train around 3 since they seemed interested and would both pee in the potty. I then had my daughter. They were still progressing well, mainly because we explained big bothers use the potty to help teach sissy how big kids do things! We would reward their good behavior with treats, park trips, etc. Eventually the pull ups were gone except at night and things were going well at about 3 1/2 years old. Then we took the pull ups at night because they were no longer using them at all, and were going to the potty.

I'm pregnant again, due in a few weeks, and the minute we showed them pictures of the baby on the way and my belly started to pop out, they had a major regression. Peeing on furniture, whenever they pleased while AWAKE! Between the two one of them is peeing their pants daily! Nighttime accidents were no big deal, because we know those things are going to happen from time to time, but now with one of them it is every single night. I'm tired from chasing a 15 month old around, have a giant belly, and am now changing bedding daily and changing their clothing because they won't go to the potty.

One actually told us the other day he peed his pants because we didn't take him to the bathroom! When we explained that we didn't know he needed to go and asked why he didn't tell us. He said he had!!! Lied right to our faces, trying to get out of trouble!! Clearly if we had known we would have taken him, we were at a baseball game! It was embarassing and we had to leave so he could get on dry clothing.

We have tried ignoring the behavior, rewarding the good behavior, taking things away, explaining things, cherios, letting them play with tablets on the potty, and so on. I'm at my wits end. I don't know what to try next? Nothing is working. They just keep regressing. I'm guessing it is because of the new baby. But there is no way they aren't doing this at their mothers house, and she never mentions it to us. Last time she mentioned it was about 5 months ago and said that one would just pull his pants down and pee on the steps, wall, or whatever he felt like peeing on. Half the time they show up without underwaear, which makes me think they still might be wearing pull ups at their mothers? ANY SUGGESTIONS would be appreciated. They will be 4 in a month, and at this rate my daughter might be completely potty trained before them.
Poline89 replied to nreyn3's response:
Buy a cute potty with cute sounds. And make a timetable when your kids usually pee and poo and make him to sit on a potty according to this timetable. When he does a poo or pee the potty will praise him.

Playa Vista Preschool
An_266403 replied to nreyn3's response:
Buy a cute potty with cute sounds. And make a timetable when your kids usually pee and poo and make him to sit on a potty according to this timetable. When he does a poo or pee the potty will praise him.

Playa Vista Preschool

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