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Zaysmama posted:
Izayah is 3 and will be 4 in February. He is still sleeping in bed with me.
He was, at several different times, in his own bed. I was going to attempt to get him back into it right before the baby was born but since the baby would be in the room with me until he is sleeping thru the night, I figured it would cause jealousy betweent them because Zak can be there and Zay isnt allowed so I have allowed him to continue sleeping with me.
Now that Zak is closer to sleeping thru the night, I am trying to find the best way to get Zay back into his own room and bed, but he has horrible separation anxiety. When I do put him to sleep in his own bed, whether its at night or just for a nap, he wakes up screaming. And if I wake up before him in the morning and go downstairs, he wakes up crying because I'm not there.
I know this is my fault for allowing it to continue but I know this isnt good for him and I dont want to enable this behavior because it will cause major problems when/if his father starts keeping him overnight.
I am still debating on waiting until I move the baby to his room or just starting the transition before so that he's not disturbing the baby during the adjustment period.... ANY TIPS would be great!!!!
I don't know whether to try the Cry It Out method or try sneaking out after he's asleep or what, but something has got to give!! PLEASE HELP!!!!
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jlynnpaine responded:
First of all, I wanted to say don't beat yourself up. You're doing this by yourself and after having DH not help much since Avri was born, I can't imagine having to be alone all the time to take care of two kids.

I remember reading an article in a parenting magazine that recommended staying in the room with them for like 5 minutes, then saying you had to go do something but that you'd be back. Then you go back and sit with them for a couple more minutes and then say you have to go do something else and stay gone for 10 minutes, etc until you go back and they're asleep. However I'm sure that would be difficult to do with having Zak too take care of too. Plus, it sounds like he might go to sleep okay but then gets upset when he wakes up without you. Have you tried practicing with him what to do when he wakes up? Like let him pretend to fall asleep in his own bed, then together you guys walk either to your room or downstairs so he knows how to go find you on his own? Then practice it where you actually go to the other room and let him come find you on his own. Maybe that would give him a little bit of confidence knowing that you'll always be there. You could also try new bedding for his bed to get him excited or a new stuffed animal to help him be brave. Good luck!
Jodi (28), DH (24), Shaelynn (2), DD2 (due 5/16)
 
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Zaysmama replied to jlynnpaine's response:
thanks for the advice!
I will def initely have to try the practicing and making sure he knows I'll always be there when he wakes up whether I'm in the same bed or just in a different room!... I have gotten him a new bed "a big boy bed" and new bed set and new stuffed animals. I've even let him pick out material & I make a blanket and tell him he can only use the blanket in his bed, but none of it is enough to want to sleep in his bed! He does freak out when he wakes up and I'm not there. I actually had to stay somewhere this past weekend and had an air matress for him and brought the baby's glider with me and when the baby woke up i got on the couch right beside the bed and when he woke up I guess he didnt see me and just started running around the house til i jumped up and grabbed him. I thought it was really funny, but at the same time I feel terrible that he is so terrified!...
Sometimes it is hard to do by myself but being alone is better than expecting him to do something but sitting back doing nothing while I am doing everything. lol.. sorry DH hasn't been much help! It does get a bit overwhelming with 2... but if you ever need to talk, I'm here and I completely understand! Just know that you are a good mama and they will appreciate you for all the things you do for them!
 
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Zaysmama replied to jlynnpaine's response:
So last night was the first night I attempted to put Izayah in his own room... At first it was a little rough because he cried and made me feel terrible for leaving him, but I reminded him that the baby was sleeping and he had to be quiet and I told him that Santa wouldnt leave him anything if he wasn't sleeping in his own bed, because he wouldn't know where he was or if he was sleeping. That seemed to help alot. He woke up once at 4:30 when Zak did and came over and layed down with me while I fed Zak and got him back into the bassinette... but once I was finished tending to the baby I carried Izayah back to his bed and told him I loved him and kissed him good night again. At 7:30 this morning he came running into my room saying mommy i did it. Its morning time and I slept in my big boy bed all night. ... today he told me he loved his big boy bed and he was going to sleep in it again tonight. Hopefully it gets easier tonight, but i'm nto holding my breath! I just have to keep reminding myself that this is best for both of us
 
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Zaysmama replied to Zaysmama's response:
Another issue has risen with this sleep thing.
I am currently living with my mother and her fiance. They work night shift 5nights a week and last night was the first night they were home since I started the moving process with Zay. Well he woke up at 1:30am and went down stairs with Coty(mom's fiance) and instead of getting him back to bed, he told him to go crawl in bed with mawmaw... So Izayah ended up sleeping with my mom, coty slept on the couch and I didnt know anything about it until I woke up for work at 6:30am.

He was doing so well the first night he woke up once and the second, he woke up at 6:30am and was up for the day, but had made it the whole night without waking up, and now this. I don't want this to effect this process, but when he doesn't come to me in the middle of the night, I know nothing about it until the damage is done. I had even told them that he is to sleep in his own bed. If e gets up, take him back, comfort him for a minute and leave the room with the door open. I don't knwo what to do... Please help!!!
 
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jlynnpaine replied to Zaysmama's response:
Oh no! I'm sorry that her fiance let him do that. I'd just reiterate to them how important it is for him to sleep in his bed and how well he was doing before. Tell them that if they don't want to be the ones to have to put him back in his own bed, to wake you up so that you can. They may just be afraid to get him upset and not wanting to deal with it which is fine, but then let you know so that you can "be the bad guy" and they don't have to be.
Jodi (28), DH (24), Shaelynn (2), DD2 (due 5/16)
 
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Zaysmama replied to jlynnpaine's response:
Yeah. I have told them again and tonight will be the first time since the incident that they will be home and he will be put to bed in his bed. I have told him that if he doesn't sleep in his bed then Santa wont know where to leave toys so he mights not stop. I'm hoping that is a lttle bit of an extra incentive to get him to stay in there all night. He has been doing really well but last night he woke up 4times. I took him back everytime and he only got upset the first time, but I am completely exhausted. I am really proud of his progress though! ...
I will probably talk to them again tonight just to make sure they understand that he has to sleep in his bed and if there is an issue, come get me! Hopefully it works out better this time!...

Thanks for the advice again! This transition has gone much smoother than expected!
 
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jlynnpaine replied to Zaysmama's response:
I hope it went well!
Jodi (28), DH (24), Shaelynn (2), DD2 (due 5/16)
 
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Zaysmama replied to jlynnpaine's response:
he slept in his bed on christmas but then it was like the next night they were off mom let him sleep with her again. I took away his favorite toy for that day and he couldn't hav eit back until he slept in his bed again. its sucks that having them there makes it harder on me... and it seems like the older he gets the harder my mother makes it for me. Its now to the point that when I attempt to discipline him, he tells me he is going to tell mawmaw (my mom). When he does tell her, she yells at me and takes his side so I feel as if I can't mother my own child. It has made it extremely difficult for me lately. When I yell at him in front of her she yells at me, so he "knows" he doesn't have to listen to me when she is around. And when he wants something and I tell him no he either says well maw maw lets me have it or he goes to her and asks for it and she gives it to him even when I tell her I said no for a reason. I really don't know how to handle it. He is a completely different child than he was 6 months ago. It seems that since the baby was born, my mother feels the need to baby Izayah more and let him get away with everything.

Tonight my mother is off again, so I am taking to boys to stay with my BF for the night and spend time over there tomorrow so that Izayah will listen to me and sleep in his own bed there. so we shall see.
 
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jlynnpaine replied to Zaysmama's response:
I'm so sorry that your mom is undermining your parenting. Have you tried talking to her and explaining that by doing that she's making things harder on both you and Izayah?
Jodi (28), DH (24), Shaelynn (2), DD2 (due 5/16)
 
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Zaysmama replied to jlynnpaine's response:
yes I did attempt to tell her that I am the mom and that he yelling at me for correcting him. But she thinks I am being mean to him or just need sleep because I'm grumpy. The big issue is that he is such a different kid when we aren't around her! People are always complimenting how well behaved my boys are and how good I am with them, but she thinks I am a horrible mom most of the time. It really hurts and makes me almost resent her.
Monday night we stayed away and Izayah was an angel all day, we went back to mom's last night and it took him forever to go to sleep in his bed. He was up and down going in my room, and mom's room and trying to sneak downstairs with Coty. It was exhausting. I can deal with the difficult nights as long as he listens to me the next day when mom is around, so when I get off this evening, we shall see how it goes!...

If things don't change soon, I am going to be one angry mama tho!
 
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jlynnpaine replied to Zaysmama's response:
That really sucks. I'm so sorry. I hope things get better for you soon.
Jodi (28), DH (24), Shaelynn (2), DD2 (due 5/16)


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