Parenting: 4 & 5-Year-Olds Community
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Are things really this bad?
haleix posted:
Hi everyone! I was part of the webmd boards a long time ago but am now back because I desperately need advice. Please, someone tell me that I am not the crazy one.
Since the birth of my daughter four years ago, I have been struggling with her dad's family. Struggling for control. Within the first week of her being born they started threatening me in order to see my daughter. DH was very strict about following the doc's orders and not allowing anyone around her for six weeks. But, that only worked for about two weeks which I wasn't against.
It only got worse with SIL where she opening allowed my daughter to go against me (if I said no, SIL would say yes right in front of me). She is constantly lying to me and making false promises to my daughter. There is also an open jealousy between SIL and MIL when it comes to my daughter choosing favorites for them.
SIL is always trying to steal my daughter from me, she "teaches" her the opposite of what I teach her AND she thinks it's alright to interrupt family time at home or our scheduled bed time by suddenly showing up. DD was in the hospital two years ago for surgery because they didn't listen to me and we have had a number of disasters since then.
I have already limited our time with DH's family within the past year but SIL now has a creepy new BF and I don't trust him a bit with my daughter. (the other day I had no choice than to leave DD with SIL and when I showed to pick her up, SIL had left her BF and DD alone in the downstairs bedroom... on the bed). In order to keep him away from DD I would have to keep DD away from MIL (another long story).
Please tell me, does all of this sound as bad as I think it is? And would it be worthwhile to limit my daughter's alone time even more than I already have?
PS. Before anyone assumes that SIL doesn't know what she's doing, she is a 37-year-old special ed teacher (who, in my opinion, doesn't care about her students) and she has a 16-year-old.
Since the birth of my daughter four years ago, I have been struggling with her dad's family. Struggling for control. Within the first week of her being born they started threatening me in order to see my daughter. DH was very strict about following the doc's orders and not allowing anyone around her for six weeks. But, that only worked for about two weeks which I wasn't against.
It only got worse with SIL where she opening allowed my daughter to go against me (if I said no, SIL would say yes right in front of me). She is constantly lying to me and making false promises to my daughter. There is also an open jealousy between SIL and MIL when it comes to my daughter choosing favorites for them.
SIL is always trying to steal my daughter from me, she "teaches" her the opposite of what I teach her AND she thinks it's alright to interrupt family time at home or our scheduled bed time by suddenly showing up. DD was in the hospital two years ago for surgery because they didn't listen to me and we have had a number of disasters since then.
I have already limited our time with DH's family within the past year but SIL now has a creepy new BF and I don't trust him a bit with my daughter. (the other day I had no choice than to leave DD with SIL and when I showed to pick her up, SIL had left her BF and DD alone in the downstairs bedroom... on the bed). In order to keep him away from DD I would have to keep DD away from MIL (another long story).
Please tell me, does all of this sound as bad as I think it is? And would it be worthwhile to limit my daughter's alone time even more than I already have?
PS. Before anyone assumes that SIL doesn't know what she's doing, she is a 37-year-old special ed teacher (who, in my opinion, doesn't care about her students) and she has a 16-year-old.
7 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Are things really this bad?Hi everyone! I was part of the webmd boards a long time ago but am now back because I desperately need advice. Please, someone tell me that I am not the crazy one.<br /><br />Since the birth of my daughter four years ago, I have been struggling with her dad's family. Struggling for control. Within the first week of her being born they started threatening me in order to see my daughter. DH was very strict about following the doc's orders and not allowing anyone around her for six weeks. But, that only worked for about two weeks which I wasn't against.<br /><br />It only got worse with SIL where she opening allowed my daughter to go against me (if I said no, SIL would say yes right in front of me). She is constantly lying to me and making false promises to my daughter. There is also an open jealousy between SIL and MIL when it comes to my daughter choosing favorites for them. <br />SIL is always trying to steal my daughter from me, she "teaches" her the opposite of what I teach her AND she thinks it's alright to interrupt family time at home or our scheduled bed time by suddenly showing up. DD was in the hospital two years ago for surgery because they didn't listen to me and we have had a number of disasters since then.<br />I have already limited our time with DH's family within the past year but SIL now has a creepy new BF and I don't trust him a bit with my daughter. (the other day I had no choice than to leave DD with SIL and when I showed to pick her up, SIL had left her BF and DD alone in the downstairs bedroom... on the bed). In order to keep him away from DD I would have to keep DD away from MIL (another long story). <br /><br />Please tell me, does all of this sound as bad as I think it is? And would it be worthwhile to limit my daughter's alone time even more than I already have?<br /> <br />PS. Before anyone assumes that SIL doesn't know what she's doing, she is a 37-year-old special ed teacher (who, in my opinion, doesn't care about her students) and she has a 16-year-old.
crunk05177 responded:
In my honest opinion, she is YOUR daughter and your right as a mother is to protect her in any and every way that you can. If you don't feel comfortable leaving her alone with them, don't. If you need to set rules and boundaries, you should. They are not her mother...you are. You need to stand up and be strong.
Me (28), DH (30), DS1 - Michael (4) and DS2 - Nathan (1 - severe peanut allergy and an egg allergy)
Report This| Share this:Are things really this bad?In my honest opinion, she is YOUR daughter and your right as a mother is to protect her in any and every way that you can. If you don't feel comfortable leaving her alone with them, don't. If you need to set rules and boundaries, you should. They are not her mother...you are. You need to stand up and be strong.
ryanandleigh responded:
It is hard to truly offer an opinion when we have not been there. I think you should have a talk with your SIL or have DH do it. You need to set some boundaries. If you don't want her showing up at odd times, change the locks if she has a key and if she doesn't have a key, then don't let her in the house. ("Now isn't a good time. We are putting XXX to bed." - close door) If you don't trust her BF then I certainly wouldn't leave her with either of them. As other poster said YOU are the parent. It is up to you (and DH) to decide what happens.
Leigh, Jacen (6), Alexa (3)
Report This| Share this:Are things really this bad?It is hard to truly offer an opinion when we have not been there. I think you should have a talk with your SIL or have DH do it. You need to set some boundaries. If you don't want her showing up at odd times, change the locks if she has a key and if she doesn't have a key, then don't let her in the house. ("Now isn't a good time. We are putting XXX to bed." - close door) If you don't trust her BF then I certainly wouldn't leave her with either of them. As other poster said YOU are the parent. It is up to you (and DH) to decide what happens.
BekahS responded:
I believe it sounds like there are some definite concerns. As a PP said, you are the parent. If you know in your heart/head that its not right, then control it. SIL shouldn't be allowed to interupt DD's bedtime and normal routines. Simply tell her no. She will probably be put off and angry at first. But she's so used to getting what she wants that she just isn't used to hearing "no."
Whatever it is you decide to do, good luck.
Oh, and Happy Holidays!
Whatever it is you decide to do, good luck.
Oh, and Happy Holidays!
Report This| Share this:Are things really this bad?I believe it sounds like there are some definite concerns. As a PP said, you are the parent. If you know in your heart/head that its not right, then control it. SIL shouldn't be allowed to interupt DD's bedtime and normal routines. Simply tell her no. She will probably be put off and angry at first. But she's so used to getting what she wants that she just isn't used to hearing "no."<br /><br />Whatever it is you decide to do, good luck.<br /><br />Oh, and Happy Holidays!
haleix responded:
Thanks everyone. My main problem is figuring out how to assert my control because it always creates absolute chaos in their family. There is another sister in the bunch who has limited contact with the family to only Christmas, Easter and her birthday. And, the family still gangs up on her during those times which is probably why she may not be around this Christmas. I wish I could cut them off like the other SIL has but DH is in the state where he wants to mend his relationship with them and is allowing them to walk all over me. He thinks it's fine and my sanity is quickly drifting away. He doesn't understand that WE are responsible for raising our child and that it's not ok to just give her to his mom and sister.
Im trying to hammer this into his head because I don't anticipate our relationship lasting any longer than it already has. And I want our custody arrangement to go as smoothly as possible but if he can't understand it then I see him as just handing DD over to MIL and SIL and SIL's creepy bf.
Thanks everyone and have a good holiday!
Im trying to hammer this into his head because I don't anticipate our relationship lasting any longer than it already has. And I want our custody arrangement to go as smoothly as possible but if he can't understand it then I see him as just handing DD over to MIL and SIL and SIL's creepy bf.
Thanks everyone and have a good holiday!
Report This| Share this:Are things really this bad?Thanks everyone. My main problem is figuring out how to assert my control because it always creates absolute chaos in their family. There is another sister in the bunch who has limited contact with the family to only Christmas, Easter and her birthday. And, the family still gangs up on her during those times which is probably why she may not be around this Christmas. I wish I could cut them off like the other SIL has but DH is in the state where he wants to mend his relationship with them and is allowing them to walk all over me. He thinks it's fine and my sanity is quickly drifting away. He doesn't understand that WE are responsible for raising our child and that it's not ok to just give her to his mom and sister. <br />Im trying to hammer this into his head because I don't anticipate our relationship lasting any longer than it already has. And I want our custody arrangement to go as smoothly as possible but if he can't understand it then I see him as just handing DD over to MIL and SIL and SIL's creepy bf. <br /> <br />Thanks everyone and have a good holiday!
crunk05177 replied to haleix's response:
My sister has in her custody agreement that her ex husband is not to allow her children anywhere near his current girlfriend. She is crazy, my sister's ex best friend, and lied to everyone including her own mother and now ex husband that she was dying of cancer. So every Sunday when "baby daddy" gets to see his kids, they are not to go to his house where she is.
Maybe you would be able to do put some restrictions in yours as well? Good luck!! I hope things work out for you!
Maybe you would be able to do put some restrictions in yours as well? Good luck!! I hope things work out for you!
Me (28), DH (30), DS1 - Michael (4) and DS2 - Nathan (1 - severe peanut allergy and an egg allergy)
Report This| Share this:Are things really this bad?My sister has in her custody agreement that her ex husband is not to allow her children anywhere near his current girlfriend. She is crazy, my sister's ex best friend, and lied to everyone including her own mother and now ex husband that she was dying of cancer. So every Sunday when "baby daddy" gets to see his kids, they are not to go to his house where she is. <br /> <br />Maybe you would be able to do put some restrictions in yours as well? Good luck!! I hope things work out for you!
haleix replied to crunk05177's response:
I have looked into putting restrictions on a custody agreement but I was told that it wouldn't be possible. Now that I know it is I'll try again.
I don't feel it's right to keep DD from her grandma and aunt but maybe I can make it so she doesn't spend all of her "daddy-time" with just them.
I don't feel it's right to keep DD from her grandma and aunt but maybe I can make it so she doesn't spend all of her "daddy-time" with just them.
Report This| Share this:Are things really this bad?I have looked into putting restrictions on a custody agreement but I was told that it wouldn't be possible. Now that I know it is I'll try again. <br /> <br />I don't feel it's right to keep DD from her grandma and aunt but maybe I can make it so she doesn't spend all of her "daddy-time" with just them.
crunk05177 replied to haleix's response:
I am not sure you would be able to restrict it in that matter, like saying how much time the child can spend with them but you could restrict the child from being left alone with the aunt and boyfriend. I am not exactly sure how but I know my sister's lawyer put that in the agreement and her ex signed it.
But if you get custody of your child and he only gets her every other weekend or one or two days a week, how much time is she really spending with his overbearing family?
But if you get custody of your child and he only gets her every other weekend or one or two days a week, how much time is she really spending with his overbearing family?
Me (28), DH (30), DS1 - Michael (4) and DS2 - Nathan (1 - severe peanut allergy and an egg allergy)
Report This| Share this:Are things really this bad?I am not sure you would be able to restrict it in that matter, like saying how much time the child can spend with them but you could restrict the child from being left alone with the aunt and boyfriend. I am not exactly sure how but I know my sister's lawyer put that in the agreement and her ex signed it. <br /> <br />But if you get custody of your child and he only gets her every other weekend or one or two days a week, how much time is she really spending with his overbearing family?
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