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You are "Gay"- How to handle
kristinmarie722 posted:
DS has started using the term "gay".
I guess he had smacked another kid on the butt playing around (which I told him is a no no anyways) and the other kid called him Gay. He now uses it to refer to seeing/touching any private part. As in I was brushing my teeth and he comes in to use the bathroom, so I look over at him and he says "You are looking at me, that is so Gay."
I explained to him it's not a nice term, not to use it. I tried to explain to him as much as I could, what the term meant.
I am going to email his teacher and also talk to the Latchkey teachers about it.
In our household, we accept everyone, so I dont want him to see the term as a "bad" thing and using it that way.
Has anyone had an issue with this? How would you handle it?
DS- 7/4/2005
crunk05177 responded:
I don't have experience with it personally but to him, he is not using it as putting someone down who likes the same sex....he is using it the same way my 5 year old picked up the words stupid, dumb and idiot (thank you sponge bob). I see where you are coming from though, it makes it even more difficult because he doesn't understand what it even means most likely and doesn't realize the harm that word could do over the word stupid or idiot (which in reality are really horrible words too that just get thrown around). I think what is even harder is I want to keep my baby the innocent baby he has always been and it makes me sad to have to start explaining the realities of this world. As I am thinking about the conversations you should have in my head, I realize they all contradict the lesson you really want to is not a nice word but being gay is ok but you still can't call anyone gay. Having babies is easy but having a school age kid is really hard lol.
Me (28), DH (30), DS1 - Michael (4) and DS2 - Nathan (1 - severe peanut allergy and an egg allergy)
iocasta responded:
We take a zero tolerance policy to words that are inappropriate. Generally, Levi is pretty understanding so we don't have to push it too hard. I would lay down the law that he is not to use that term or x,y,z will happen and stick to it. I wouldn't get hung up right now with when it is okay and when it isn't. It just creates needless confusion, not a lot 5/6 years olds use the term to mean "happy" or meet Larry my gay friend. He'll be older and more able to understand the differences when these do occur. We have several gay friends and Levi knows them quite well but we don't talk about them being gay anymore than we talk about us or other friends being straight. Should he use it in appropriate manner then explain to him why he usage in that instance was okay.
VicsEandJ responded:
Not really sure how I would handle it- DH and I are working on what we say because the kids now listen and comment. We can be pretty offensive because we both have the same sick sense of humor and don't hate any group of people (specific invididuals- there are many we despise and mock), but obviously little kids don't know that you are joking.

I think I'll probably say that you don't call someone gay, because stupid people think that it's not okay to love who you love and be who you are, but as I type it, I see the problem since I've already told them its not okay to call people stupid!

Seriously, I think I would tell him what it meant, why it's not okay to use the word and punish him if he continues to do it. You can't stop your kids from repeating every dumb thing others say to them, but you can teach them the consequences of continuing to do something you have told them isn't right.

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