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Lurking...need advise from mom's...
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jffa7677 posted:
This board seems to be one of the more active boards on here so I thought I would ask you ladies (or gentlemen) for advise.

I have 2 wonderful DS's (6 and 3) and my DH and I have not decided on whether we want another one or not. So here is my situation.
I am going to be 35 this year. Now I know that is not old by any means but I know they say having them after that age you run with higher risks. With my 1st DS, I had back problem through out the pregnancy. With my 2nd vericose veins. I do have existing back problem combined with being overweight which would make me run with I higher risk as well.
I am a stay at home mom, so we only have one income. It is okay we get by but we don't save as much as DH would like to be saving.
So here is my thing. We have said years ago that it we wanted 3, but now any time I bring it up and tell DH we need to talk about it, he says okay but then we never talk about it. I am having a hard time figuring out if he wants another one or not. Also, this past weekend I got to hold a 3 month old and I was not overcome with that feeling of I want another one. So now I don't know if I really want another one.
I mean don't get me wrong I would love the child just as much as my other 2 but with my other ones I had that feeling. So I guess I would just like to have your thoughts about what you would do if you were in my position.
Thank you and have a nice day.
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VicsEandJ responded:
If you are not feeling the need to have one right now and DH won't really talk about it, I'd say now is not the time for you. It doesn't necesarily mean that you are done, because the feeling may overcome you or DH out of the blue.

You still have plenty of time to have another child if the feeling returns. Having a baby over 35 isn't really such a big deal anymore, at least not medically. I had my first child one month before turning 39 and my second at 40 ( I was 39 when I got pregnant). The pregancies weren't any more difficult than a younger woman's, but being older means you get more attention, extra ultrasounds etc. Plus having done it before, you'd be much less anxious than a first timer, which I think helps. There are risks with older pregnancies, but there is a lot of testing for genetic abnormalilites, both invasive and noninvasisve, but many more women are having healthy babies at a later age, so it doesn't have to be now or never at 34.

My advice to you is to tell DH, if you haven't already, that you held a baby and it didn't make you want to have another one and see what he says or how he reacts. Then at least you might know what he is really thinking!

Good luck! It's a tough decision. DH & I only ever talked about having 2, but now that my 2 are 3 and 4 1/2 sometimes I think I'd consider having 2 more in a couple years - if i weren't going to be 44 this year, which for me is a bit too long in the tooth to be getting pregnant!
 
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phoenix31674 responded:
I agree with PP, sounds like neither of you is really feeling it right now. I had my first at 32 and second at 36. Both were easy pregnancies. And you could try (trust me I know this is very difficult with little ones) to get yourself in a healthier place so that if you do decide in a year or two to have a third that your body is better prepared.

My SIL and DH's cousins all have 3 kids. We've mutually decided that 2 is a good number and SIL even commented that she was surprised at how much a third added into the mix and that the jump from 2 to 3 was more intense than 1 to 2. Of course her first two are 6 years apart with her next two 20 months, so that makes a difference, too. Of course our two even though 3.5 years apart are oil and water and live to punch each other's buttons. I just can't fathom another baby in this mix.
Me (37), DH (36), DD (4), DS (10/4/10) and a cat
 
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VicsEandJ replied to phoenix31674's response:
My DH's SIL said the same thing about the jump from 2 to 3kids - she said it's a big difference. Her's are 7 1/2, 4 and 1 1/2.


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