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1st Play Date
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UKbluegirl2 posted:
So Ava had her first play date where I was to leave on Saturday. I know the family quite well. The mom used to volunteer at the Church bookstore when I ran it. Sophia, Ava's friend, is the youngest of 3 daughters. The family also belongs to the same country club as us. So as I said, I know them quite well.

The mom has mentioned play dates before but things never worked out. So she called me Friday and I confirmed. We ironed out the details Saturday morning while I was out running errands. When I got home with the groceries, I went in the laundry room and bawled.

I started all the 'what ifs' in my mind even though I know this family very well and had no real doubts about her going over there. I admit that I'm very OCD about my children. But I'm their only defender (and DH) and they rely on me to make the right choices. If I make the wrong choice, they could be screwed up forever.

I analyze most decisions concerning them in such a way. When I called and discussed it with my mom, she laughed and reminded me how my sister and I used to run the neighborhood, her not knowing where we were. This would give me a heart attack.

Anyone else freak out like me? Or do I just need Prozac?
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iocasta responded:
Prozac. But we did lots of playdates with the moms attending and then they progressed to drop offs when they were around 4ish. It gets easier. (((HUGS))
 
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kc_94920 responded:
It will get easier but for some of us that feeling of unease never really goes away until we have them safely back home. My youngest had her first drop-off play date last month and it was a total success for both of us. Can't say the same for DD1's back when she was turning 4...

Just wait until the sleepover stage hits in a few years....
KC~ Mady (9) Logan (7) and Coco (almost 4)
 
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seeit2 responded:
Oh, I'm with you there, but for different reasons I'm sure lol. I remember running amuck in my neighborhood as a kid and I really don't know how my mom did it either. We had so much freedom! And we were so stupid! How did we survive it?
Esmerelda Supercalifragilistic (41) DD (5) DS (2) Just eat it, will ya
 
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baby1at35 replied to seeit2's response:
I am with you too. Honestly the boys haven't been on playdates at someone's house unless I am there.
Growing up in a small town everyone knew everyone. Families knew each other for generations. So I know my Mom was comfortable with it more.
But I live in a city. You do not get to know the parents that well. It is really tough to trust until you really get to know them better.
So hence I am protective mommy and won't apologize.
Henry has been asked to sleep overs but I know he isn't ready at all. My Mom and I even talked about having them stay at her house for a week in the summer. Neither boy wanted to without Mommy there.
So don't feel bad times are different...
Me (42) 2 busy boys 6 yrs and 5 yrs
 
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VicsEandJ responded:
I DO!!
My kids have not been on any playdates at anyone's house and I don't intend to send them to anywhere DH & I are not there just yet. I think that at 3 & 4 /12 it's not necessary and I won't do it until I am sure that my kids would be able to talk to me maturely about it- just in case the people aren't as great as they seem.

I don't think its a prozac moment. They are babies- better safe than sorry. In my opinion pedophilles succeed with the kids whose parents let them go with adults too freely.

I'm still half ducking out of playdates where I can go- just because our kids like each other doesn't mean I want to talk to you- but I'm evil!
 
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cinder44 responded:
no we haven't done it yet!! Sunday they are invited to a birthday party that is from 11:30-3 so I am thinking they want you to drop them off & I am freaking out!! My DC are very shy & take time to warm up(even with family they know) & then they don't want to leave.

I told them I may leave them - DS says "no way!" & DD said "forever?" I said no I will come back in a couple hours top pick you up. Of course all I got was voice mail so no answers to my questions.
Me, DH, DD(4), DS(4)
 
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mrswhitecastle responded:
Nope, no play dates here.

I picture Emily accepting a playdate, me going over and explaining how/when to use the EpiPen, and the parent backing out. Or, worse, wanting to back out and not saying anything.

I just can't put that responsibility on another parent.
Emily (6) Elizabeth (4)
 
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seeit2 replied to mrswhitecastle's response:
You mean you don't want to give a seminar?

In the past, Lily has played outside with friends and wandered in when the mood struck and just played without incident. The parent knew her situation and called the minute any food was mentioned and we agreed to just send them to my house to eat when they were hungry. It worked out great and my kid got to feel normal for awhile. But it was scary for a lot of reasons!

We have since moved away and the playdates tend to be pretty one-sided, but I am totally OK with that. I just want her to be able to play. WIth or without the allergy, leaving her is nerve-wracking to me.
Esmerelda Supercalifragilistic (41) DD (5) DS (2) Just eat it, will ya
 
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iocasta replied to seeit2's response:
I can completely understand why you guys would be a wreck over a drop off play date. I have to say I am shock at the other responses. It so completely common here. I guess it helps that Levi started the school at 3 that he will attend until he is 14. The school strongly encouraged play dates at preschool to help build social skills. We also started having play dates with neighbors when he was about a year. There are several children within a couple of houses of each other that are less than 6 months apart plus several others that are within 3 years apart. We then had park friends. Friends that we meet at our local children's park that there would be play dates but generally those would be nanny coordinated. Of those friends, all but one have drifted away but we occasionally run into them. We never really struck up with friends from the mommy and me groups that Levi attended prior to going to preschool though the nanny tended to take him to those.
 
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Haylen_WebMD_Staff responded:
I was doing a moms-day-out co-op so I could work a few hour on some projects when my 1st was 8 months old.

From that group of women sprung, drop off babysitting and, when older, drop off playdates.

So I think the more often you leave your kid in a safe situation with no adverse effects for either of you, the easier it gets.

And this is good for Ava! Did she have fun?

H
 
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mrswhitecastle replied to seeit2's response:
Sure, Deb, a seminar would be great fun!

To have the "privilege" of my child playing with yours, you must attend a 45 minute lecture and demonstration on food allergies and the administering of the EpiPen. Afterwards, of course, there will be a test. If you do not score 100% on said test, you will be disqualified from having a playdate at your house.

Oh, what, you have "plans" you suddenly remembered??
Emily (6) Elizabeth (4)
 
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UKbluegirl2 replied to Haylen_WebMD_Staff's response:
She did enjoy it Haylen. Thanks! But from what she told me they each played with different things instead of each other. So not a huge success. Oh well. Perhaps this will keep the idea at bay for a bit longer.

Steph, our school is pretty close knit also. DH and I joke that it's like a mafia or secret society. Everyone stays in 'the group' until 8th graduation. And then off to the Catholic HS to do it all over again.

It's really just my OCD taking over. I worry about EVERYTHING that can happen; irrational I know. I balked at sending Ava to one daycare (before she was born) because on the tour, they mentioned that the 3YOs took walking field trips to the public library and children's museum. Mind you she wasn't even born yet but that sent my mind racing....I would have never been able to function each day knowing a random homeless person could snatch my child or a car could jump the curb or she could dart out in the road. Nevermind that a zillion children had gone through this dacare and there were only glowing recommendations. Insane, I know.
 
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VicsEandJ replied to UKbluegirl2's response:
I don't worry excessively about droping my kids off somewhere or leaving them in a safe place. I just think playdates are unnecessary. My kids are at school for almost 10 hours a day. They see their friends all day, more often than they see each other or their family.

I think that family relatiosnhips are just as important as that with friends. If my kids were home with me all day or were only children maybe there'd be more of a point to it, but as it is, I don't see the point in making plans with other kids on weekends when the kids are this age and we can spend family time together, strenghtening that bond.

When they get older, there will be planty of time for playdates.

My kids are very social and love and are loved by the majority of their classmates (DS's class has 24 kids). If they went on every playdate someone proposed, we would never do anything but playdates. We go to at least one bday party every weekend as it is. And I think picking and choosy between friends at this age has a snottiness to it that I don't wnat to be involved in. My kids is not so precious that they should be someone's pick over antoher kid ( usually based upon nonsense criteria)- I hate the idea of that and no way would I expose a 3 & 4 year old to that

Plus just think playdates are another example of parents trying to do everything there is to do to ensure that your kids have a great or perfect childhood. Somebody said it was good, so it must be. I'm not saying its not if your kid has no other interaction with his peers, but if they do then is it really for socializiation or just because it's what you should do?

In my opinion, every minute of a young child's life doesn't have to be a structured, organized event. Kids need downtime, unstructured play. If every hour of the weekend is planned, when do you get to do something the kid thinks of that morning?

And even when parents here make a point of being at the palyground at the same time on the weekends- there is no guarantee that the kids will even play together. DS has been at the palyground with several of his friends and decided to just play with a new kid, who was visiting his grandma for the weekend or with a 2 year old who wanted to play with his ball.
 
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kristinmarie722 responded:
DS's best friend from Kindergarten last year. His parents were like- Oooohhh Eli keeps talking about Logan and how they have to get together outside of school, blah blah blah. And I am like OCD mom, so I just kept thinking, okay sure. Hoping for them to never ask again. He also goes to Latchkey with the kids and we have done some school functions with Eli's parents, so I know them enough.
Finally I couldnt avoid it anymore. So last day of school I invited Eli over to our house to play and go to a pool party. So after kindergarten graduation (last day of school), his mom kissed Eli bye, handed me his bag and said to call her when I was ready for him to be picked up.
I was like OMG!!!!!!! That's it? No 15 minutes of rules, what he can handle, what he likes, doesn't like, who is at my house, do I have pets.... etc.etc.
Honestly I always feel like being a younger, single mom, that other parents wouldnt trust me with their kid. (my own insecurity that I have) So I was like I cant believe this woman is handing over her kid, TRUSTING ME!
Logan did stay at Eli's one time over the summer and it was scary but he did good. I know he has stayed with friends, when he was with his dad. I tell his dad, not to tell me until afterwards because I am just gonna freak out and worry. Heck I worry when he goes to his dad's.
Thankfully most play dates are with my friends and their kids and it's a time for us mommies to catch up and the kids to play.
Oh and I am now letting my SO's teenage daughter (16) watch him at my house for a couple of hours if I need to run errands and I worry. LOL
DS- 7/4/2005


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