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DH's Feelings are Hurt
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mrswhitecastle posted:
Elizabeth hurt DH's feelings this morning. I don't know why he pushed the subject, he should have known better. They were having a convo, and she said it was OK if I did something, but not if he did. It turned into a "Do you love Mommy more than me" kind of thing. I warned him to stop, but he didn't listen. She told him that she loves both of us, but likes me a little bit more.

I've been telling him for months, probably even years, he needs to work on his relationship with both girls. He is totally play, rough house, etc. I've been telling him that they will eventually outgrow the rough housing and tickling, and he needs to have other things to to do with them. He needs to just talk, cuddle, read, whatever, with them more. It has to be more than just playing.

Do you have any suggestions to improve the situation? I'm hoping he might listen to me a little more right now since he just heard it straight from her.
Emily (7) Elizabeth (5)
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sarah0323 responded:
What about a Daddy/Daughter date night? Were Daddy take the Girls out (My SO does it on Saturday afternoons about once a month). They do something together when Olivia was younger it was trips to library or a tea party with her dolls. As she has gotten older it might be Dad who takes her clothes shopping (he took her to buy new bras last month). They even do things he is interested in (fishing, car shows, and they have built things together). Normally they go to lunch together as well. I let the two of them plan the details (For the first few months I gave him suggestions on things that she liked to do). As Emily has gotten older he is including her in these "dates". It may only be for a few hours but the girls love it. They get one on one daddy time. It wasn't easy at first but we put it on our calendar. When he saw that Olivia looked forward to it all month he knew how much this meant to her. As she has gotten older they have had conversations about boys and sex during their time. They have been doing this since she was about 5 and she is 13 now.
Me 33, DD - O 13, DS1 -J 8, DS2 - Cr 6, DS3 - Co 5, DD2 - E (11/10)
 
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crunk05177 responded:
My husband is the same way. He plays with them when he feels like it and doesn't nurture them the way I do when they are sad or hurt. I actually talked to my therapist about this bc my kids barely let me leave the house and everything has to be mommy and not daddy. She suggested the same thing, daddy needs to spend more quality time with each of them without me. He should take them out to do something fun even if its only an hour a week.
Me (29), DH (31), DS1 - Michael (5 1/2) and DS2 - Nathan (2 1/2 - severe peanut allergy and an egg allergy)
 
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seeit2 responded:
My DH and I trade off nights to put the kids to bed. He snuggles with DD in bed and reads to her for 30 minutes every other night. It has made them really close. He has also discovered a skill for teaching her things - they do mental math together, spell her spelling words on each others backs, that kind of thing. I think getting involved in the boring day-to-day stuff is a great way to get them close - but you have to have a willing DH, I know. It was like pulling teeth at first but now I know it is his favorite part of the day.
Esmerelda Supercalifragilistic (41) DD (5) DS (2) Just eat it, will ya
 
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iocasta responded:
DH is a very involved father. Nevertheless, mommy magic is strong and I'm favored. DH accepts this fact and yours needs to as well. But him being more involved will help reduce the power of the mommy magic. DH has always been in charge of the nighttime ritual. I may sit in and listen to the story. He also takes Levi to school in the morning. He always has three questions to ask Levi about his day when he comes home from work and tries to make time to listen to what Levi has to tell him. He also helps with reading and the like. He and Levi work on things like Legos together. Maybe try to get him to ask three specific open ended questions about the girls' respective days as a start.


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