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making friends for me
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laney0705 posted:
Ok so this is really about me and not my DC. We moved to the Seattle area 9 years ago and I still haven't made any "real" friends. I'm an older mom so all DS friends parents are fairly young. We've met some nice neighbors who we socialize with but they are young too. All the parents on the baseball team seem to have their own little clique already and I just feel like such an outsider.

I'm a nice person but I gues I'm not that out-going. I've been getting better with approaching the other moms and trying to start up conversations but they just seem to fizzle out. I just don't know what to talk about and I keep thinking that they really don't care what I have to say. It's so depressing that I just don't have any one to call or hang out with.

Just looking for ideas on how I can approach the other parents and maybe what to talk about. I wish I was one of those people who can just talk and talk.
Me(43)DH(40)DS(6)DD(3)
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seeit2 responded:
I could have written this myself. It is hard to make friends. Is there anyone from work you like to hang with? I have the same age / small talk issues. People in Texas have kids in their teens pretty regularly - I am a dinosaur compared to most of the moms I meet. It is really hard!

Maybe check meet up dot com and see if there is a book club or cooking class or something in your area that might bring you closer to people with similar interests? The PTA? I don't know, sorry I don't have any advice. But I can totally relate.
Esmerelda Supercalifragilistic (42) DD (6) DS (3) Just eat it, will ya
 
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mrswhitecastle responded:
I can relate, too. My trainer wants me to get a support system for working out and eating healthy. (No one around me goes to the gym or watches what they eat. Seriously -- not a single person.) Anyway, it took me DAYS to come up with the name of 1 person I could call to talk to. It was rather embarrassing.

I think when the kids were babies, DH and I were so busy with taking care of them, that we let our friendships slide and didn't cultivate any new ones. Now that the kids are older, I'm wanting to have that circle of friends again, and really feel how much I am missing it.

So, I'm trying to do the same thing you are. I am NOT out-going at all. But, since both girls will be gone all day next year and I don't work, I've been starting to volunteer to do more things. I became a trustee for our neighborhood, and I'm trying to get more involved with the PTA. My plan is that as I work on projects in the PTA with other Moms, it will give us a purpose and something to talk about. Hopefully some friendships will develop from that.

I'm always envious of the people who can just talk and talk, and feel comfortable around others.
Emily (8) Elizabeth (6)
 
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kc_94920 responded:
In my area almost all of the moms are "older", so I don't have the feeling of being an outsider in that way but my kids don't go to own town's public elementary schools like most do after leaving our community perschool so both DH and I have to work really hard to maintain the frienships we built with the local families while our kids were in preschool and the new families at our private elementary school.

Things that have helped us all involve staying intouch with our communities. We joined the local tennis and swim club and have the kids take lessons there and have them play on local tennis and swim teams when they want to play/swim competitively. We go out once a month for a Friday night family dinner and try and gather other families to join. I began to volunteer at the public library and at both schools (running fundraisers or at least participating is a great way to meet moms). I offer to host or at least help plan class parties and parent coctkail events for all three kid's classes. I also set up various carpools and playdates for the kids so that I can get to know other parents better.

Once you start to meet moms and make friends, put yourself out there and keep the social ball rolling with invites for kid activities, mom lunches, coffee breaks, after drop-off walks, kid swapping, carpooling, etc. I takes work but really does make you feel better about life. At least it does for me.
KC~ Mady (10) Logan (7.5) and Coco (4.5)
 
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laney0705 responded:
Thank you so much for the responses. Makes me feel better that it's not just me who has a hard time talking to people.

I did just go to a PTA meeting recently and volunteered to help out with some functions. I've also decided that next year I'm going to go over Ryder's school calendar and talk with his teacher and take some days off throughout the year and do class activities. I feel so bad that I don't participate in his class. This will also get me involved with the other class moms.
Me(43)DH(40)DS(7)DD(3)
 
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baby1at35 replied to laney0705's response:
I have always been chatty But even with being chatty it is hard to really "connect" with people and make friends. Everyone is so busy with their lives it is like there is no time.
Another factor is when I go places everyone has their head in their phones. Drives me bonkers. I try and start conversations which I am good at and I get one word responses and heads in phones. Look up people there is a whole great world you are missing!
But I have joined various interest groups as well. meetup.com shows those in your area. Book clubs ect.
I am still struggling with the friendship thing and it really does stink. I have volunteered for stuff too and met some people that way.
Me (43) 2 busy boys 7 yrs and 6 yrs
 
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iocasta responded:
Like KC, I have gotten involved at Levi's school, chatting with mom's at pick-up, attending the PTA meetings, and class functions. Hosting play dates is a good way to get some one-on-one face time with other moms. I also have picked up friendships at our club's pool by chatting with mom's that have children at Levi's school or we just see each other week after week. Next year I'm co-chairing the annual giving committee at school, so I don't know if that will make friends or enemies. As I'll be twisting peoples' arms to give even more money to the school. You need to get your face out there, don't be put off at first if you don't get a warm reception just take it slow and steady.
 
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earleyml1012 responded:
Not sure if this will help you or not but the majority of our friends are from our church. We joined a small group before we had kids and now we are close with two of the couples that were in the group and all of us have kids now. Other friends from our church are actually the parents of kids in DD#2's Sunday School. Since a lot of us have kids the same age, we've become friends on facebook and every month or so we pick a place to meet for coffee/smoothies, etc. We hang out and chat. Seriously, this has been the best place for me to met friends b/c we have the same values/morals in common so I never feel comfortable with our disscussions.
 
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tlkittycat1968 replied to earleyml1012's response:
Most of my friends I met through work. I'm older than most parents with kids my age (even the people I went to high school with have high school/college age kids and mine are 3 & 5). DS doesn't go to our neighborhood school since he's special needs so making friends with other parents is sort of hard.

Luckily, one of my co-workers has kids around the same age as mine so we talk about kid stuff a lot.
Pround mom of PJ (5) and Kylee (3).


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