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Need Advice
mrswhitecastle posted:
I'm not sure what to do in this case, and I don't want to come across like a total B#$@!.

As I have mentioned, we are in the process of adopting a little girl. Well, a WHOLE lot more people know of the mother/situation than I realized. The little girl looks A LOT like her birth mother. However, I'm tired of getting this comment, "She sure does look like her mother."

The response I want to give is: "You think so? I don't think she looks anything like me."

Hence my concern of sounding like a B. How would you take that response? Can you think of anything more polite I can say, yet still get my point across?

We will be open with her about the fact she is adopted. However, I don't want strangers/acquaintances/whomever reminding her of this fact. I know a year from now she won't even remember her birth mom. I would be highly surprised if she did now.

Any advice for me? Please?
Emily (8) Elizabeth (6)
crunk05177 responded:
Hmmm that's rough and I can see your concern and feelings about it. Are these people you know well or just people around the neighborhood? Maybe if you know them, you could somehow explain to them how this could hurt the little girl so to please not say anything in front of her? I don't know....
Me (30), DH (32), DS1 - Michael (7) and DS2 - Nathan (4 - severe peanut allergy and an egg allergy)
iocasta responded:
Congrats!!!!! Here is how I have handled a sort of similar situation. We are likewise very open about us using an egg donor. People will comment on how much Levi looks like me. He doesn't. I say thanks but he really favors the egg donor. You could respond similarly in that saying thanks but she really looks like her birth mother. Enjoy this new little one. She is very fortunate.
crunk05177 replied to iocasta's response:
Oooooh I like that one!!
Me (30), DH (32), DS1 - Michael (7) and DS2 - Nathan (4 - severe peanut allergy and an egg allergy)
jlynnpaine responded:
Depending on how close you are to the people who are making the comments, I would either just ignore it or if it's someone you really don't like, then go for the snarky comment. Someone that's closer to you, I would maybe try to take them aside and say that making comments like that are not only difficult for you, but are going to make the transition harder for your little girl. She's obviously been through a lot in her young life and you want to make the transition as easy and simple for her as possible. Comments like that will only dredge up feelings and conversations that she's not up to just yet.

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