Parenting: 4 & 5-Year-Olds Community

Around Nathan's fourth birthday, I thought he was possessed by the devil. It was a lot of willful disobedience, along with run-of-the-mill not listening. I did get some feedback that boys around that age get a testosterone surge that can affect their behavior - who knew?

We still have odd episodes now and then. He usually is not outright defiant - he knows where that is going to get him - but he is occasionally argumentative and/or weepy if he doesn't get his way. I try to stay calm ("try" being the operative word sometimes) and send him to his room. I'm a big fan of the "go-to-your-room" consequence. It seems like it gives us all a little space to calm down, and sends the message to Nathan that he needs to curb his behavior before he can be around others.

Isn't 4 the age that boys get a big boost in testosterone?

or maybe not. I can't find anything on it. you would think it would be easy to find some sort of chart on this, but type in testosterone levels, and all you get is, who has what problems.

Sorry, I thought I could help

It has got to be something like that because he is just more assertive/physical. However I have to say he did great on a fieldtrip today at school. I am so happy... I was worried he wouldn't behave. I will just keep doing the time outs as it seems to help. He did settle down in the afternoon after nap ect. Now just have to work on the talking nice thing.....

I heard about the testosterone surge on from someone on a WebMD board several years ago. Its referred to in a book called "Raising Boys" by Stephen X (I forget the author's last name). He does not say in this book what the source of his information is. I searched a variety of places for references - PubMed, Medline. I was never able to find any research that dealt with this. However, it certainly seemed convincing to many of us with 4 year olds - however it seemed to happen in girls, too.

I intended to look at a pediatric endocrinology textbook to see if it was mentioned, but never got around to it.

I found this: books.google.com/books?id=OJ6G3E1YOEwC&pg=RA1-PA2096&lpg=RA1-PA2096&dq=Testosterone+development+pediatric&source=bl&ots=80tZ0syooM&sig=v1gmRvjoKplCHPWI9UCESuvN-9o&hl=en&ei=OfuqSdPAD8iLngfH45TeDw&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=9&ct=result

It suggests that testosterone levels surge a few times in infancy, but settle down in boys after they reach about 2 years old, and stay low until puberty. Girls can have a surge in estrogen at around 4.

Yep. that's Katlyn too. you are not alone.

I wonder if it's not just a big growth spurt in general. I've noticed lately that bouncy is a whole lot physically stronger, bigger and more coordinated. He's talking more and asserting more too. That's included more tears.

I think my little guy is on the verge of recognizing anger as well. I've noticed a couple times that he almost pouts and we've had a couple door slams. Anger adrenaline is a little heavy for a kid. I wonder if it's simply him learning to cope with those chemicals?

I think that 4 is the new 14 LOL my daughter will be 5 in about 3 wks and she has ana attitude out of this world!! shes so sassy. brianna tends to make comments and roll her eyes as she walks around everywhere like she is a model!!

YES!!!!! ARRRRRGH! I was actually looking for advice for the exact same issue. My soon to be 4 year old (a little gal with a shoe fetish) is totally testing my every last nerve. She is normally the sweetest thing, but the instant she does not get her way, it's on! Fits over dinner every night, tantrums over what to wear, crying in the middle of the night because she wants a cookie and milk. AHHHHHHH!!! I have 4 kids, her sister is 6 1/2, i never had this big of an issue with her.

It sounds like we try the same things, swift punishment for bad actions. Parents have suggested to take away things like toys, but she could care less. I know I am careful about the shows she watches on TV and how much time she does watch TV, but OMG i can't think of doing this for the next 10 years... HELP!!!!!

I'm so glad you posted this. I'm going through the same thing with my soon to be 4 yr old son. I was beginning to think he had adhd or something. For the past month he's hasn't been listening and has this "I don't care" attitude. We do timeouts, take toys, movies and t.v. time away. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't. What gets me is that even though after being punished and understands what he had done wrong, so why does he do the exact same thing the next day. I too am embarased when he acts this way in public and am very frustrated when at home. I have problems with when its time to leave a place. Especially the park or someplace fun like that. I just feel like I repeat myself a hundred times of don't do that, stop that, listen to me please. I feel so lost as to what to do. I hope this phase doesn't last too long. He starts preschool in September and I'm affraid of how he will act.

Another thing, I sometimes have problems with him going to timeout. Does anyone else? Once in t.o he stays till I tell him its over but getting him there is another thing. I feel like its a cat and mouse game. I put him in t.o. and as I walk off he takes off. It sometimes takes a few tries for him to finally stay. He's laughing when this happens thats why I say its a game for him. When he does finally realize he needs to stay he's usually stays quiet till its over. I want to pull my hair out when he does this!!!

Thanks for letting me ramble. I'm just so happy that its just not me and I'm not alone. I was starting to wonder.

I also wanted to add that this has kind of started when he dropped his nap.

My DS will also argue the point about going to t/o sometimes. I will then give him the choice: he can either stand in the timeout spot for two minutes (or however long) or he can go to his room. And then I follow through, even if it means carrying him up to his room. That has helped things somewhat. He will now go to t/o, although he'll crab about it the whole time. I don't particularly care about the kvetching as long as he stays there.

I know what your talking about.My daughter is acting the same way.She's 5 & acting alot older.She yelling at us,whins all the time when she dosen't get her way, & there's alot more.It's dosen't matter where we are.she'll start doing this.I don't know what to do.I've tryed everything.