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Leaving DS Home Alone
scperdomo posted:
Okay, so..... This morning I had to run up to the store, which is literally 2 minutes up the road. It was cold and pouring rain outside and DS had just gone down for a nap.... I really wanted to get the trip to the store done with and figured I could run up there and be back in a snap, no harm no foul. lol, I actually took the baby monitor with me.

Under the circumstances, it didn't really seem like a big deal. DH called right when I got home and of course I told him. He went off on me! Of course I didn't think about all the "what-ifs" (what if I got into an accident and couldn't get back home, what if the apartment caught fire, what if there was a freak storm that prevented me from getting home, what if someone broke into our apartment at 9 in the morning and kidnapped him). I will usually just pack him up and take him along, he loves going to the store, but under the circumstances I just didn't see anything wrong with it, I was back home in 15 minutes and he was still safe and sound in his crib.

Obviously, I am not going to make habit out of this and I really don't see me doing it again, at the time it just seemed okay. I don't really expect anyone to agree with me but I don't see what I did as "neglect" (DH does). I think he is overreacting.

I mean, the store is LITERALLY minutes away, I could walk there it's so close and it was pouring, I just didn't want to take him out in that and I wanted run up there and back. Obviously, if he was awake I would have taken him, but it just seemed perfect, he just went to sleep... anyway, I'm not justifying. Under the circumstances, I think it was fine.

He told me to ask my message boards and he would guarantee that everyone would agree with him. So, who agrees with him? (it's okay, you wont hurt my feelings).
Bailey98029 responded:
I'm sorry, your husband is ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. You should NEVER have done that beause of exactly what your husband said. You have no control over certain things and do not know what could have happened. The most horrible thoughts that go thru my head on a daily basis are what if something were to happen to me while DH was at work and the kids were here alone and scared until he got home from work. That's with me being in the house. I can't even imagine thinking of how scared they would be if I wasn't even in the house and something happened to me and I didn't come back.

I think the thing that you always need to think about when you make parenting decision is: "can I live with the consequences of this decision?" If you answer "no" then don't ever do it.
cujaybird responded:
I am sorry, but I would have to agree with him. I don't think I'd go as far as calling it neglect since you weren't gone that long, but still, anything could happen and imagine trying to explain to the police or fire dept. that you only left him home alone for a few minutes. I don't mean to sound ugly about it but I don't think you should do that under any circumstances. Either take him or wait for DH to get home then go to the store.
erinsmom1964 responded:
I totally agree with your husband. I can't even fathom doing that. I don't think hes overreacting at all. If I was him I would be questioning your ability to keep my child safe. And your poor judgment would scare the hell out of me. I also know in our state you could be charged with neglect. Be grateful you guys aren't divorcing because it would be great amnuition for custody.

I was really freaked out by "no harm no foul LOL" Wow that blows my mind!

You asked
laurab1979 responded:
Well, I am probably going to be voice of dissent in the bizillion replies you get. I don't think it was that big of a deal. Something could have happened, sure. But, something could always happen. If you were that close to the store and were back in 15 minutes, I don't see anything wrong with that. I am assuming you locked the doors and didn't leave water boiling on the stove.. lol

The thing is, you can play the what if game all day with all different types of scenarios. What if you took him with you and got into an accident and he was hurt or got all wet in the rain and got a cold or you slipped in the wet parking lot and dropped him.... I mean, it can go either way. If I over-thought everything I did, I would never leave the house with or without DS.

I have never left DS alone in the apartment myself and I don't see myself having any reason to, but I also I don't have anywhere I could go and be back in 15 minutes. Especially since I don't drive.
ttcin08 responded:
I'm not going to attack or anything but I'll have to agree with DH on this one. Not that I haven't *thought* about how easy it would be to go the 1/2 block to the post office while DS sleeps, I have. And while it is a *huge* pain sometimes to have to pack them up and bundle them in their gear, it's just part of the deal I guess. I've been having a tough time getting used to how much my life has changed since becoming a mom and how much more difficult it is to do simple things, like go to the store. It's a big adjustment that we all make but we also make mistakes along the way. Just chalk this one up to a mistake if you see it that way and don't do it again. That's the best you can do at this point. HTH!
Bailey98029 responded:
Laura, you are correct that living life is always a chance BUT there is calculated risk and common sense. I would like to see her use your logic with the police or CPS and see if that flies...

As PP said, the lack of judgement is scary... You don't ever need anything so bad as to take that chance.
scperdomo responded:
Thanks for the answers, I knew there were gonna be replies that completely agreed with DH and thats fine. I'm still fine with what I did.

When we lived at our other apartment (we just moved) we had to go to the laundry room to do clothes and there where times we would be gone 20 - 30 minutes folding clothes, while DS was in the apartment playing in his p-n-p. There were a bunch of things that could have happened while we were out then, but we were so close to the apartment and it didn't seem like a big deal (to DH either). I guess I just didn't see a big difference.

Like I said, obviously this isn't normal behavior for me. It was an isolated thing and in the moment seemed okay. Will I do it again? Probably not. But like PP said, there are a dozen other what-if's had I taken him. A couple weeks ago I was turning into a parking lot and this car - apparently not paying attention - lurches forward and nearly hits me on the very side that DS was! Life is full of what ifs and under the circumstances, I am still okay with my decision. I don't think it warrants me being investigated for child neglect or that DH should worry about my ability to protect my child. I knew he would be fine.

LoL, I knew there would be a little debate, but its all good, the boards were a little drama - less this morning!
JayLee0510 responded:
I have to agree with your husband as well. I think that you used very poor judgment. The store would have still been there when your child woke up from his nap. There is nothing at the store that was worth you needing to run out like that even if your child was sleeping.

Being a mom means that sometimes you have to wait around and have "inconviences". There are so many things that *could* have happened and I can almost gaurntee that you would not be able to deal with it if something did happen.
3boysmom1981 responded:
Its not only dangerous to leave him alone in the house or apartment its also illegal. If a neighbor or someone who knows you stay home with him saw you leave and had a hunch he was still in the house were to call the police it would easily lead to a CPS investigation and probably charges of child endangerment. I'm not trying to be dramatic but its true. Is it really worth the convenience of not bringing him with to risk his safety?
scperdomo responded:
Okay, let me clarify real quick. Our old apartment was in the gated in pool area (1 of 4 other apartments in this area). The laundry room was maybe 20 feet from our apartment door (it was also in this gated part of the pool area. We would take the monitor with us so we could hear if DS was getting upset. Just to give you an idea, from our balcony, I could spit and hit the laundry room.

Granted the grocery store is a bit further than that and I'm not saying that anytime its raining and DS is asleep I'm going to leave him home (unless someone is here). And I am certainly not one of those demented wackadoos that you see on the evening news who left her baby at home to go to the bar (which a lady actually did in our area and I think she is a moron).

Anyone who actually knows me, would never put me in the same category as that lady. If any of you knew me "in real life", you wouldn't either. You might tell me to use better judgment next time, but you wouldn't report me to child services. What I did may not have been the smartest thing in the world, but it doesn't warrant me having my kid taken away (there are kids out there that are actually being neglected.... my son isn't one of them).

When I said "Will I do it again? Probably not" - There is a giant emphasis on the "not". Like I said, it was an isolated incident, I don't think I'm mentally unstable because of it. I definitely understand all the reasoning behind why I should have just woken him up and taken him with me, but I didn't. I can't undo it, and I'm not going to beat myself up over it, I'm just going to move on and not do it again. Next time, I will just have DH stop by the store on his way home and if it's some I need right then, well, then DS will just come with (which is what I do anyway - except this one time).
rockinmama18 responded:
Sorry Steph, but totally not okay! My husband has mentioned (in a joking way) that he left the kids to run and get something to eat or when I ask where the kids are when I'm at work and I hear him in the car, he'll say Oh I left them at home and Emma's watching everything til I get back. Even though I KNOW he is just joshing me, it still ticks me off for a split second to even think about my kids home alone. He is a pretty irresponsible father sometimes but would never actually be as (sorry) dumb and careless to really leave. I agree that nothing is worth the risk of leaving your kids. If it honestly was that important to have to go and get at that minute, then you should have just bundled him up and took him... or just wait! You mentioned you KNEW he would be ok, but the truth is, you didn't KNOW. You may have thought and hoped he was sleeping soundly but you had no way to know when you aren't there. Thank God he was unharmed but IF something would have happened, could you ever forgive yourself? And the fact that you and DH both went frequently to the laundry room at your other apt while he played in the PNP... I wouldn't ever do that as well. PNP's are not meant to be baby sitters. There is something pretty scary about this whole ordeal. It only takes one time for things like this to destroy your whole life whether it be CPS taking your baby, which I know you don't think it's neglect or grounds for you child to be taken away but you're mistaken, or loosing your baby forever because of one of the many "what if's". I know some of these responses are harsh tough love and maybe just humorous drama for you, but hopefully you gain some perspective from all of this!

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