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Trying again
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tempymae2007 posted:
For those ladies that are first time moms, how long are you going to wait before having baby #2?

For those that have older kids, how far apart are they, and what do you recommend is a good age.

Also, how much does your financial situation way in on the decision?
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Bailey98029 responded:
Before having DS I had planned to have my kids 2 years apart. My sister and I are 23 months apart and my 2 brothers are 23 months apart. That is all I have ever known and what I had planned to do as well. We decided to wait until DS was 18 months before we started trying and the 2 would be 27 months apart. HOWEVER, DS turned 18 months and he went thru a phase where he was a DISASTER. Luckily it only lasted about 5 weeks. By the time the phase was over, we had bought a new house and moved and I was mentally ready to start trying. We used the Shettles Method for a girl and it took 3 months. I got pg around DS's 2nd birthday and my kids are 2 years and almost 8 years apart. I thought it was going to be a good spread. In some ways it is and in some ways it might have been nice to wait a bit longer. We plan to have 3 and I think we will wait until DD is somewhere between 2 1/2 and 3 before getting pg again.

My advice is this: enjoy the time you have with #1 all alone. I loved having that time to just devote to him. Of course, no matter what the spread, #2 will not have all that time and I feel guilty about it. The benefit is that DS is older and more self sufficient so I can have a bit of a breather with the 2. Also, do it when you feel you are ready. As I explained, you might have a magic age in mind but then something happens that shows you it's not the right time. That happened with us and I'm glad we waited a bit. We have a few friends with kids around 2 years apart and it's been really tough for them. However, their #2s were significantly more challenging then their firsts whereas my DS was super easy and DD is even easier.

Finances didn't play a roll in our decision, however, after the fact, it would be nice to not be buying diapers for 2 kids. They are expensive and having DS potty trained will help a lot. I wouldn't have had her later just for that reason though.

You just have to do what feels best for you. However, my personal opinion is that waiting until your LO is over a year so your first is more independant by the time they are born would be easier. Also, a lot of people I talked to had small issues around 18 months. Being pg while taking care of a toddler is tough so having my DS under voice command, etc. was a blessing so I didn't have to carry him everywhere.

Sorry for the novel :)
 
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tempymae2007 replied to Bailey98029's response:
Thank you that is very good advice. My sister and I are 5 years apart and then my younger sister is 10 years younger than me. My older sister had her first three kids 2 years apart, in 98, 00, & 02 then she waited 7 years to have her 4th which was born last April and is now expecting again with her 5th due this oct. My DH wants them to be 2 years apart but I want to wait until DD is 3 or 3 1/2.

Also what is the Shettles Method? I have to have C sections and while I love my DD I really want a DS. I also don't really want to go thru this three times just to end up with all girls. Sorry but I come from a 3 girl family and it is DRAMA all the time. So anything to help boost my chances of having a boy would be great. I also think that 2 kids is my magic number. While I was pregnant DH and I would joke that we wouldn't stop having kids till we got a boy but my Dr says 3 should be my max. Anyway I am getting way off topic here so I will end this, lol.

Thanks for your advice!
 
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kfitz responded:
DH and I had a unique situation. We have been together since high school and have been married for 5 years, but he wasn't ready for children right away. Once we decided we were both ready it took us 7 months on fertility drugs. He said he wanted 4 children, but I thought for sure after we had the first he would change his mind, but he still wants 4. So ours will have to be close since I am already 31. We have a 7 month old and I am 3.5 months pregnant again. The will be between 12 and 13 months apart.
 
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tempymae2007 replied to kfitz's response:
I wish you luck and heatlh with your pregnancy and future pregnancies.

I kind of have the same thoughts as you because I am 26 and if we wait three years I will be 29, if we have a girl and he wants to try again for a boy than those two will have to be close together. So I don't know what I am going to do. I just know that I enjoy my LO and I don't want to be miserable during the exciting months to come with her first steps, words and all that other nice stuff.

Thanks for the feed back!
 
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maryf426 responded:
I think i would like for my kids to be in the 2-4 year range however lately I have really been wanting another one in my heart hoever my head stops real fast and SCREAMS NO lol my DD is 7 months and still up ever 3-4 hours so I couldnt have two newborns in the house lol. My brother and I are 7 years apart and hardly have a relationship and dont know if we ever will just because we have nothing in common so I would like for my kids to be closer in age.

Financial situation plays a huge role however I think there will always be excuses to wait longer to have a baby weather it be to pay off a car or debt or move up in my carrer my thought it I am young(23) and I would like to be done by 30 and want three kids so I will try to stick to this sceduel lol.
 
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Bailey98029 replied to tempymae2007's response:
Yeah, DH comes from a family of 3 boys and one nephew so we totally expected all 3 of our kids to be boys. We used Shettles and, although I won't say for sure we got our girl because of it, it certainly didn't hurt things. However, it is more difficult for a girl so that's why it took us 3 cycles.

The basic idea behind Shettles is that boy sperm swim faster but live longer and girl sperm swim slowly but live longer. Based off of that theory, you are supposed to time sex around ovulation. For a boy, you would want to have sex about 1 day before ovulation and the day of ovulation. Since the boys are supposed to swim faster but not live long, you want them all up there waiting as soon as the egg is released.

For a girl, you would want to time sex further out from ovulation like 3-4 days so the boys will die out and the heartier girls will remain (since sperm can live about 5ish days).

It requires temping, CM charting and/or ovulation tests to get a hang of your cycles. It was worth it to me. The book goes more into depth and if you are interested in trying the method out, you should buy it (or maybe your library has it...) to get all of the specifics. Again, I won't say that it will totally work and I won't say it totally worked for me but I don't see any harm in using it as a tool and hoping for the best.

Also, even when my DS was going thru his "preview to my 2s and 3s" stage at 18 months, DH still wanted to start trying because he wasn't here for it all day like I was. I took his opinion into account and then vetoed him for 3 months until I was ready. Sure, he has a say but it's my body and I just knew I wasn't ready.

Man, another novel :)
 
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pridgeon responded:
My children are a little over 6 yrs apart. It makes it easy for me. Tyler is pretty self sufficent on many things and very helpful with the baby. Finances were a big reason as to why we waited so long to have another child.
 
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Emmyl responded:
I really want three (2 boys and a girl :), but to do that they are going to have to be pretty close in age. I'm 33 and DH is 40. I know you can have kids when you are older, but I just don't know if I want to be chasing around a toddler when I'm in my 40's, lol. We are officially trying (I haven't had my first AF since having DS anyway), but we aren't using protection either so if it happens it happens. I think we've both agreed that 1-2 years apart would be find with us.
 
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sclucky responded:
My children are 3 1/2 years apart and it is working out really well. We haven't had any jealously issues and DS hasn't regressed any since DD was born (I was pretty worried about that). My brother and I are just under 3 years apart and there were alot of jealousy issues when we were younger (we still have some and we're 40 & 43 now) but I think that is more our personalities than age difference. I think alot of it depends on the children and whether they are boys or girls. Girls seem to do much better with younger siblings (I guess they think they're dolls or something).

To me financial situation makes a big difference in deciding to have any child (1st, 2nd or 10th). I'm not saying I have to be able to afford for my child to have the finest of anything & everything they want. But I certainly didn't want to be in the position of wondering if I was going to be able to buy formula or diapers, be able to pay for a roof over our heads, or be able to pay the doctor if they were sick.
 
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eliz1497 replied to tempymae2007's response:
Lurking....

I don't have a specific time for trying again. I told DH that we should wait until we buy a house to start for another one. DS came at a time when we had a lot going on- DH just graduated from college in August. I graduated from college on 12/19, while DS was born on 12/1! So yes, I was 9 months pregnant while doing a full-time student teaching internship AND working at my regular job. Right now we live comfortably in a two-bedroom apartment. So hopefully in the next year or so we can buy a house, get stable jobs, and then try for another one. I am looking forward to having a nice relaxing pregnancy this time- not running around like a chicken with its head cut off! (I was literally finishing my professional portfolio in the hospital bed minutes before I had to go back for my c-section.)

As for the Shettles method- we used it to conceive a boy. The way it works, it is much easier to conceive a boy than a girl because you have to time when you DTD. It is pretty simple though, and it worked for us.
http://www.ovulation-calculator.com/shettlesmethod.htm


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