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Fed up with a bully.
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stephs_3_kidz posted:
My teeny tiny DD1 is being picked on by a girl in her class. It's been going on since the first week of school. The girl, "R", has hit Abbie twice. I talked to her teacher about it the first time. Then a couple days after that, "R" spit chocolate milk all over Abbie's hair, face, and clothing at lunch. I got a note about that, telling me what had happend and that "R" had been disciplined.

Since then, R has done numerous things, such as poke Abbie with pencils, write on her clothes with markers, cut a piece of her hair with scissors during circle time. So I've spoken to her teacher and the teacher told me that R was "special needs" and very hyper and "high-maintenance" and that Abbie is NOT provoking any of this. R is in her third year of Kindergarten and the school counselor has tried her Very Best to convince me that they are trying to "work with R" and "make a difference". She still wears Pull Ups and the counselor told me that she refuses to potty train. Well, I'm sorry, but working with her and making a difference should not come before the safety and well-being of the other children who are behaving. If she needs to be in a special class, then so be it. The girl will be 8 years old in December and she's picking on my DD and it's not cutting it.

I'm at the end of my rope..because yesterday Abbie came home and told me that R punched her in the face while they were waiting in the line in the cafeteria. Again, I got a quick note from the teacher but no call, etc.

R is supposed to walk with the teacher, or an aide, at all times, and never be unsupervised. But that's not how it goes.

What else do I do? I've spoken to the principal, who referred me to the counselor who could "explain R's situation to me so I could better understand". I feel badly that the child is so far behind her peers, but isn't it the school's responsibility to fix this situation? Am I overreacting?
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missb24 responded:
Sorry this is happening. It sounds like "R" should be in a school that can handle behavior such as hers. She may have a serious problem that needs to be diagnosed. Your child shouldn't have to suffer because of "R"s issues. NO you are not overreacting. I would continue to press the issue with the school. Unacceptable!
 
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missb24 responded:
3rd year of Kindergarten. That's not good. The school shouldn't even allow this!!
 
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stephs_3_kidz responded:
You are right. I am NOT judging the child for having obvious developmental issues, I feel badly for her. I don't feel like she's just a mean child, I feel like the school should handle this because she definitely needs special attention that a regular classroom is not/cannot provide for her.

Thank you!
 
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lobermann responded:
I agree. I am surprised they don't have her in a class with other special needs kids.
 
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stephs_3_kidz responded:
This is what I don't understand. They have 2 special needs classes at their school.
 
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jkncrawford responded:
Your school may not have a special needs class. This year is the first year Nicholas' school has one. Before that the kids were in the same class as everyone else but in a entirely different school. Apparently our school changed b/c we had more of a demand for it.

The only thing I can tell you is the teacher's hands may be tied. Obviously, the school can not refuse this girl to come to school & the school may not be equipped to deal with her special needs & that's not going to change overnight so you are going to have to teach your DD to basically stay away from her. When she sits next to your DD at circle time inform your DD to move away from her. At lunch, tell her to move away from her & if the other little girl follows her then your DD needs to learn to become very vocal. A "leave me alone" or "quit following me" loudly might send the message to this special needs child or it may not but it's worth a try. It will also get the teacher's attention or anyone else who is standing around.

BTW, I don't think this girl is a bully. I don't think she's realizing what she is doing since she obviously has the mental capacity of a younger child. I consider the term bully for a child who knows what their intentions are to another child which is to hurt or offend or get even with them. It just rubbed me the wrong way reading that word since this girl is a special needs child.
 
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normarae5 responded:
I would demand that the child be removed from the class or my daughter be removed. How much abuse do they think your child can take. I understand she is special needs but I still would not put up with it. I have a 7 year old son. I tell him that he can defend himself when being hit. I will not tell that he can not defend himself. Im not saying that is what you tell your daughter but this is bullying at its worst. You are not overacting. This could have a very negative effect on your child. What if she hurts your child one day. Then what will they do????? I would go as far as pulling her out the school if I had to. No one has the right to abuse any child. This school has all opportunity to fix this issue and has not. its like their telling you this information about the child, like it makes the situation better. My heart goes out to her family, because they have a lot to deal with but you have to look out for your child.
 
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jkncrawford responded:
I just read your post about having 2 classes. You must have posted while I was typing.

In that case, she should be moved to the special needs class. That is totally uncalled for. I think I would address this now with the superindendent since you have already gone through the teacher, principal & counselor. Obviously, they are not changing the situation for better & if they have 2 classes there is no need for her to be in a regular class.

I would call the superintendent today. Good luck. Keep us posted.
 
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stephs_3_kidz responded:
Obviously I'm upset since I feel my child ~is~ being bullied. Abbie is the only one that R seems to have issue with, and even the teachers can't figure out why.

I can't apologize to you for using the term "bully" because I feel that's what's happening. I doubt you'd feel any different if it were YOUR child. Not sure why it rubbed you the wrong way. When I see my baby come home crying because she's SCARED of a child who probably outweighs her by 25 pounds, it's extremely, extremely upsetting.
 
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normarae5 responded:
I read your post after I wrote mine and I agree with you with using the word bullying because she is special needs, but she still is hurting another child. The law does not say oh we wont send you to jail for assault because you have special needs. The rules for hurting someone apply for everyone and something needs to be done. Her daughter should not have to do anything but know she can come to school in a safe environment. I would not tolerate it.
 
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TrudyGERD responded:
Here's what I think as a parent of a special needs child.

No, this child isn't bullying since it seems she's not intentionally hurting people. That being said, the school is failing her and the rest of the students miserably. It is not up to your daughter or any other kids to have to put up with being attacked verbally and physically. It is up to the school to provide a safe environment for EVERYBODY. Schools have an equal responsibility to ALL students. Every other child in her class is being terrorized and this girl is being put in a position where soon enough other kids will lash back at her either verbally or physically because she's not being properly monitored or cared for. It's not safe for anybody. This isn't about your need to "better understand". This is about the safety of everybody involved. Again, the school is failing everybody miserably in this regard.

As part of the IEP process (I can pretty much guarantee this girl has an IEP), the team determines the Least Restrictive Environment for the child. It sounds as though her current LRE determination is either insufficient (she needs to be in one of the special ed classrooms) or not being followed (her aid isn't with her every moment she's in the classroom like is detailed.

The principal is wrong. You don't need to sit down with the counsellor. You need for the principal to tell you how the school will protect your daughter. I would stop using the term bullying since I suspect that because you're approaching it this way that's why the principal thinks you need to be more understanding. Make sure you tell him that right now your daughter's safety is being compromised and you want to know what is going to be done about it.
 
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missb24 responded:
Sometimes to prevent situations, we have to use the "what if's"...What if "R" seriously hurts your DD. They will consider it an accident. Which would have been prevented if she weren't in the class to begin with. I feel bad for any child that has developmental issues. But her parents should have concerns with this as well. They should look into what options/programs are available in the district for their child. So what? Are they going to keep her in kindergarten until they feel that she is ready to go to first grade? Where she will probably continue to do the same thing? It's not right for "R" and the other kids too.
 
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jkncrawford responded:
First of all, I didn't ask you to apologize for using the term bully. I have no idea where you got that from my post.

Yes, it rubbed me wrong b/c I work with special needs adults & children at my church. They have "hurt" me before & I've come to learn that some of them just don't mean to do it & that they don't have the mental capacity to "realize" what they are doing but I don't go around calling them names like "bully". Try to deal with what they deal with on a day to day basis & see how you get along in this world. It's much more of a struggle for them than for us.

I don't blame you for being upset & yes I would be too. I agree your child needs to be safe & comfortable at school but I just don't think a "special needs child" needs to be called a "bully" & that's my opinion. A normal child doing this to your child, yes I would consider them a bully.
 
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stephs_3_kidz responded:
Let me put it this way. The teacher keeps the scissors in a container on her desk. The children are only allowed to get them out when she opens up the lid on the container and tells them to.

R either A) opened the container when the teacher wasn't looking or intentionally didn't put hers back and took the scissors to the carpet for storytime and sat behind my DD and cut a huge chunk of her hair off.

Now.

If she was rational enough to be that sneaky, did she not know it was WRONG?

I guess maybe "bullying" is not politically correct enough. I am not worried about politically correct. I'm worried about my little girl. And I don't think I ever ~used~ the term "bullying" with the principal, I explained to her what R was DOING to DD, the incidences that had occurred, and my concern that it could escalate.

DH told DD the next time this girl hits her, she'd better defend herself. I warned her NOT to. I told her to go straight to her teacher. She'd never win a battle with a girl that's nearly twice her size, and I don't want her thinking that hitting will solve anything. It might teach the girl to not mess with DD anymore, but I just am not comfortable with that.

I deal with a little girl who cries every evening because she says R hates her and she doesn't know why R is so mean to her because she just wants to be R's friend. Now, how do I explain that to her? All I can tell her is that R doesn't think like she does about right and wrong and that I'm working with her teacher to fix things. That's it. That's all I can say to comfort a 5yo who is crying her heart out bc R is being mean to her. A 5yo doesn't understand the difference, and frankly, I have a hard time dealing with an 8yo who apparently is smart enough to sneak scissors from the teacher's desk yet doesn't "understand" right from wrong.

That's all I'm saying on this subject. I posted for advice about what else to do about this (thank you for those who were understanding), not to defend myself because of a word I used.


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