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Is this normal in a 10 year old girl?
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petterroper posted:
Hi all,

I would just like to know if there is something wrong with this kid or this is natural behavior in a 10 year old girl.
1. Always likes to sleep next to the Mom, going so far as to throw tantrums when not permitted to sleep next to her mother.
2. Always making a noise —
a. Talking to herself.
b. Just making unintelligent noises
3. Knows when her Mom is angry with her elder sisters and then tells tales about them to get them into more trouble resulting in them getting caned (hit with a thin bamboo stick)
4. Lies to get people into trouble (see above)
5. Shouts at her sisters when she wants something and then runs to the mother and says they fought with her.
6. Steals from friends at school
7. When out shopping, must have something bought for her otherwise will throw a tantrum.
8. When a gift is bought for a boy (remote control car) she must also receive the same thing otherwise she will throw a tantrum.
9. Although she has received a toy teddy bear as a gift on her birthday, when her younger cousin is given a teddy bear as a gift she throws a tantrum.
10. She cannot understand basic mathematic procedures — simple multiplication and division, messes up addition and subtraction, copies homework from friends.
11. Does not come up with original jokes, but copies what others say and then repeats the joke till it is so boring one wants to close ones ears and scream.
12. Laughs loudly but appears to not really understand what people are laughing about — a case in point, I had her sisters and mother laugh at a really serious part in a movie and she started laughing when she saw everyone else laughing, and in a really funny part in the movie I had the other stay serious and she too remained quiet.
13. Enjoys lying, so much so most people assume she is lying when she opens her mouth (only her Mom believes anything she says)
14. Always comes between her Mom and her Mom's boyfriend and between her Dad and her Dad's girlfriend.
15. Always butts into conversations between adults.
16. Never does what she is told to do. 17.she will throw things at people when caught out inher lies or anything else that she knows is wrong.
Reply
 
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Lainey_WebMD_Staff responded:
From what I am understanding, you seemed to be very angry at this child. All children learn from their environment. This young girl needs love, and structure.
 
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petterroper replied to Lainey_WebMD_Staff's response:
Perhaps, I am angry with this child, but only because she always causes problems for everyone in the house. Its hard to do anything as this kid will always do something to spoil it. A case in point, i took her family out for an outing to a fun fair, next thing i know this kid has gone to the mom and told some lie that i hit her and then all hell broke loose. I never touch kids that are not my own and even my own kids i sit them down and we have a discussion over what is right and what is wrong, but this girl just loves to cause problems for people.
 
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OneAndDone replied to petterroper's response:
It sounds to me as though the whole family dynamic is off. In scenario #1, does Mom give in and let her sleep next to her? In scenario # 3, who is hitting the older sisters with a cane? In scenarios 7, 8, and 9, is someone giving in to the tantrum? Who? I feel sorry for the girl, her elder sisters, and also for the mother who appears not to have good control over her own emotions. I have learned that I can't expect my DS to control his tantrums if I can't control my own. When I made a better attempt to control my own temper, his tantrums diminshed greatly. No child should be beaten with a cane. It sounds to me almost as though you want to blame one person when the whole family sounds to me as though they could all use some help managing anger and relating to each other.
 
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Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to petterroper's response:
All children are different. I understand your frustration with her. She is expressing jealousy or anger when she acts out. Try to remain calm and when she tries to create drama, nip it quick.
 
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petterroper replied to OneAndDone's response:
In scenario #1, the mom gives in and lets the kid sleep next to her.
In #3 The mother hits the two elder daughters with the cane.
In 7, 8 and 9 and the Mom gives in to the tantrums and gets mad with everyone else - a case in point - she asked my family to join her family in visiting her sister's family, when i found out that her sister has two kids aged 7 (boy) and 2 (girl), i bought a RC car for the boy and a snoopy soft toy for the girl. When the kid saw them she threw a tantrum and then her Mom started yelling at me saying i should not make her children jelous and at that time i was thinking that
1. I had oer the course of the past year bought that same kid 2 model aircraft, a toy gun, camoflage clothing, 5 barbie dolls plus playsets, a large soft teddy bear and other assorted soft toys.
2. Bought laptops and broadband connections for her elder daughters (two of them)
3. bought large teddy bears for all three girls

So i was really wondering why she could not tell that girl that since we are visiting someone else its polite to give their kids something and she (the brat) cannot expect to get something all the time.

My own kids had no problem and my son who is the same age was terribly confused over the fuss. (he gets a gift from me on his birthday and christmas and he never expects me to buy something for him when i buy for someone else, alot of times i have to go buy a birthday gift for one of his friends, he goes picks it out and never asks me to buy the same thing for himself)

I blame the brat as she is the one who creates the anger in the house - anger in her sisters (she once took black ink and poured it into her sisters school bag resulting in a scolding in school for the sister. but she never got punished). Anger in her Mom, and anger in the people around.

I have tried to give her more attention, even taking her to fun fairs and kids movies (without my own ids - just her) and then when i took everyone out she made a huge fuss because my kids were also there - she wanted them to not come along.

i am really frustrated.
 
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Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to petterroper's response:
If you are frustrated, maybe it is best to stay away from the child for a little while. Her behavior has no easy fix. The work needed might cause you more frustration.
 
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ryanandleigh replied to petterroper's response:
I fail to see how you can put all the blame on this child or "brat" as you call her. She only knows what she has learned from those around her - most notably what her parents allow her to do and show as acceptable. So the issue is to bring it up with her mother and father. They are the ones who will need to correct her behavior. You really cannot do very much in this situation since she is not your child. I would limit my dealings with this family.
 
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OneAndDone responded:
I thought the answers to most of my questions was the mother. Sometimes when a child acts out, they're also acting as a scapegoat for all the family's dysfunction, so they're a pain but they're also IN pain. Something like that may be happening here, but if the Mom isn't willing to change the way she interacts with her daughters, I'm not sure there's much you can do. It does sound as though it would be painful and frustrating to watch, so I'm with the other posters - do as much as you feel comfortable or healthy doing, and withdraw if you're not comfortable with how you feel or how that family interacts with your own children. Sounds like a tough situation.
 
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teeny79 replied to petterroper's response:
If you want to be angry with someone, be angry with the mother. Children can only ever be what we teach them to be. They learn very quickly and catch on when an adult reacts in a certain way.A child is born innocent and then we the adults teach them how to behave or how to get away with acting up.
 
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petterroper replied to teeny79's response:
Thank you all for your replies. i will try to keep more of a distance between that family and myself. The unfortunate thing is, i promised her father (that is the mother's father) that i would look after her.

i wish things were different.
 
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fcl replied to petterroper's response:
There is only so much a person can do, you know. There's no way you can do more because you don't have the authority as parent. Just try to be patient with her and, if possible, show her a good example. More than that cannot be expected from you.
 
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Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to petterroper's response:
It is great you want to help the family. Sending gifts, or needs through the mail is a way to keep your promise.


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