Parenting: Elementary Ages Community
Elementary school brings new adventures and challenges for parents and kids. ... more
Need Advice...
An_222185 posted:
I'm having a Bday party for my little girl turning 5 this weekend. She has a friend with an older brother who is mentally challenged. Mom has not been specific, just that he is mentally delayed. He looks normal, rides bikes, swims, etc. He just does not talk, but his comprehension seems to good.
She is a single mom and I have befriended the mom and I like her very much. I often pick up the little girl to play with mine and they get along very well.
Here is my issue: I have invited her over on two occasions and she has brought both kids. The little boy will act fine for a few minutes maybe an hour and then he'll just randomly hit other kids. He has even hit me a few times. Last time he hit one of my other guests kids.
I don't want to offend her and I'd like for her little girl to attend, but I rather the little boy not attend because there are going to be other kids and don't want anyone to get hurt. All kids are 5 and under as young as 2. And I'm 8 months preggers and don't want to be hit, nor ANY of my other guests! Also, if he attends, I will be a nervous wreck. The mom tries to keep track of him, but he's quick to be from nice to mean.
How do I tell her without offending her? I told her about the party and offered to pick her daughter up or have her drop her off. She just replied that she'd be happy to attend and wouldn't want to miss the party.
What words can I use to kindly tell her I'd rather the older little boy not attend?
She is a single mom and I have befriended the mom and I like her very much. I often pick up the little girl to play with mine and they get along very well.
Here is my issue: I have invited her over on two occasions and she has brought both kids. The little boy will act fine for a few minutes maybe an hour and then he'll just randomly hit other kids. He has even hit me a few times. Last time he hit one of my other guests kids.
I don't want to offend her and I'd like for her little girl to attend, but I rather the little boy not attend because there are going to be other kids and don't want anyone to get hurt. All kids are 5 and under as young as 2. And I'm 8 months preggers and don't want to be hit, nor ANY of my other guests! Also, if he attends, I will be a nervous wreck. The mom tries to keep track of him, but he's quick to be from nice to mean.
How do I tell her without offending her? I told her about the party and offered to pick her daughter up or have her drop her off. She just replied that she'd be happy to attend and wouldn't want to miss the party.
What words can I use to kindly tell her I'd rather the older little boy not attend?
3 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Need Advice...I'm having a Bday party for my little girl turning 5 this weekend. She has a friend with an older brother who is mentally challenged. Mom has not been specific, just that he is mentally delayed. He looks normal, rides bikes, swims, etc. He just does not talk, but his comprehension seems to good. <br /><br />She is a single mom and I have befriended the mom and I like her very much. I often pick up the little girl to play with mine and they get along very well. <br /><br />Here is my issue: I have invited her over on two occasions and she has brought both kids. The little boy will act fine for a few minutes maybe an hour and then he'll just randomly hit other kids. He has even hit me a few times. Last time he hit one of my other guests kids. <br /><br />I don't want to offend her and I'd like for her little girl to attend, but I rather the little boy not attend because there are going to be other kids and don't want anyone to get hurt. All kids are 5 and under as young as 2. And I'm 8 months preggers and don't want to be hit, nor ANY of my other guests! Also, if he attends, I will be a nervous wreck. The mom tries to keep track of him, but he's quick to be from nice to mean. <br /><br />How do I tell her without offending her? I told her about the party and offered to pick her daughter up or have her drop her off. She just replied that she'd be happy to attend and wouldn't want to miss the party. <br /><br />What words can I use to kindly tell her I'd rather the older little boy not attend?
FCL responded:
The easiest way out would be to say that it's a "girls only" (at age 5 it often is) party with a princess or fairy theme (which it probably will be ...) and that you're sorry but ... :) Heck, having an older boy around, special needs or not, is going to spoil any girlie party.
Why is the mother going to attend anyway? None of the mothers ever attend my daughters' birthday parties (I have twins)... They drop their daughters off and then come back at the agreed time. They do the same for play dates (they're usually only too happy to have their hands a little more free for an afternoon - lol).
How about making invitations to make it more "formal"?
Why is the mother going to attend anyway? None of the mothers ever attend my daughters' birthday parties (I have twins)... They drop their daughters off and then come back at the agreed time. They do the same for play dates (they're usually only too happy to have their hands a little more free for an afternoon - lol).
How about making invitations to make it more "formal"?
Report This| Share this:Need Advice...The easiest way out would be to say that it's a "girls only" (at age 5 it often is) party with a princess or fairy theme (which it probably will be ...) and that you're sorry but ... :) Heck, having an older boy around, special needs or not, is going to spoil any girlie party.<br /> <br />Why is the mother going to attend anyway? None of the mothers ever attend my daughters' birthday parties (I have twins)... They drop their daughters off and then come back at the agreed time. They do the same for play dates (they're usually only too happy to have their hands a little more free for an afternoon - lol).<br /> <br />How about making invitations to make it more "formal"?
displacedtexan replied to FCL's response:
Originally, it was going to be a Tea Party, but my little girl really wanted to include all the little boys in her class as well. :( So much for all the tea cups I collected and invitations! But it is HER party, not mine....so I had to go w/the flow.
I agree, I normally drop my 5 yo off and pick her up promptly while I enjoy some shopping/time "off" while I wait near by to pick her up.
I thought of saying girls only to her, but then backed out because if she decided to join her little girl and leave boy w/daddy, she'd see I'd lied. Plus, I don't like doing that...the only reason I considered it was to avoid hurting her feelings.
I think I'm just going to have to be blunt and say, I cannot and do not want to wait and see if he hits anyone. Unfortunately, he has never proved me wrong on that department. Just a few weeks ago I went over w/my two and as soon as I let my guard down because he was in another room and my little girl was sitting just 2 feet from me, I started talking to another adult. He ran in and hit her on her face and just about knocked her down. I have a BIG issue w/the hitting because I do not spank. I put her in her room for punishment and try to do other forms of punishment. I tell her that I do not hit her and she shouldn't hit her brother, other people, etc. And then I take her somewhere where she gets hit....It bothers me.
But the mom is nice, she's a single mom with a full plate on her hands and I don't want to be like everyone else and shun her because of her boy's condition. It's not fair...
I just hope she understands my view point on this...after all, my responsibility is to keep my kids safe.
Thank you for your help!
I agree, I normally drop my 5 yo off and pick her up promptly while I enjoy some shopping/time "off" while I wait near by to pick her up.
I thought of saying girls only to her, but then backed out because if she decided to join her little girl and leave boy w/daddy, she'd see I'd lied. Plus, I don't like doing that...the only reason I considered it was to avoid hurting her feelings.
I think I'm just going to have to be blunt and say, I cannot and do not want to wait and see if he hits anyone. Unfortunately, he has never proved me wrong on that department. Just a few weeks ago I went over w/my two and as soon as I let my guard down because he was in another room and my little girl was sitting just 2 feet from me, I started talking to another adult. He ran in and hit her on her face and just about knocked her down. I have a BIG issue w/the hitting because I do not spank. I put her in her room for punishment and try to do other forms of punishment. I tell her that I do not hit her and she shouldn't hit her brother, other people, etc. And then I take her somewhere where she gets hit....It bothers me.
But the mom is nice, she's a single mom with a full plate on her hands and I don't want to be like everyone else and shun her because of her boy's condition. It's not fair...
I just hope she understands my view point on this...after all, my responsibility is to keep my kids safe.
Thank you for your help!
Report This| Share this:Need Advice...Originally, it was going to be a Tea Party, but my little girl really wanted to include all the little boys in her class as well. :( So much for all the tea cups I collected and invitations! But it is HER party, not mine....so I had to go w/the flow. <br /><br />I agree, I normally drop my 5 yo off and pick her up promptly while I enjoy some shopping/time "off" while I wait near by to pick her up. <br /><br />I thought of saying girls only to her, but then backed out because if she decided to join her little girl and leave boy w/daddy, she'd see I'd lied. Plus, I don't like doing that...the only reason I considered it was to avoid hurting her feelings. <br /><br />I think I'm just going to have to be blunt and say, I cannot and do not want to wait and see if he hits anyone. Unfortunately, he has never proved me wrong on that department. Just a few weeks ago I went over w/my two and as soon as I let my guard down because he was in another room and my little girl was sitting just 2 feet from me, I started talking to another adult. He ran in and hit her on her face and just about knocked her down. I have a BIG issue w/the hitting because I do not spank. I put her in her room for punishment and try to do other forms of punishment. I tell her that I do not hit her and she shouldn't hit her brother, other people, etc. And then I take her somewhere where she gets hit....It bothers me. <br /><br />But the mom is nice, she's a single mom with a full plate on her hands and I don't want to be like everyone else and shun her because of her boy's condition. It's not fair...<br /><br />I just hope she understands my view point on this...after all, my responsibility is to keep my kids safe.<br /><br />Thank you for your help!
FCL replied to displacedtexan's response:
Don't put it quite so bluntly. Don't make HIM the reason you're saying 'no'. Tell his mother quite simply that he was not invited. If she persists, point out that he is not in the age group concerned and if all else fails tell her you are having a birthday party for children that your daughter hand picked and that it would be rude to impose anyone else.
What is a birthday party if you can't invite who you like? I reckon you can do something good with that argument :)
What is a birthday party if you can't invite who you like? I reckon you can do something good with that argument :)
Report This| Share this:Need Advice...Don't put it quite so bluntly. Don't make HIM the reason you're saying 'no'. Tell his mother quite simply that he was not invited. If she persists, point out that he is not in the age group concerned and if all else fails tell her you are having a birthday party for children that your daughter hand picked and that it would be rude to impose anyone else. <br /> <br />What is a birthday party if you can't invite who you like? I reckon you can do something good with that argument :)
Spotlight: Member Stories
My Name is Norma. I am a working mother of a 7 year old son named A.J. He is the light of my life. I have been blessed with a very handsome son who ha...More
Helpful Tips
Cut the School Morning Rush
Rushing my kids comes to no good end. They get slower. Things get forgotten. The more we rush-the later and more stressed the morning ... More
Was this Helpful?
10
of
19 found this helpful
Helpful Resources
Related News
Report Problems to the
Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Other Member Communities
- Dieting Club: 10 - 25 Lbs Member Community Share Your Tips and Support!
- Caregiving Member Community The Support and Understanding You Need!
- Parenting Friends Talking Member Community Get Support from Members Like You!
-
More Related Communities
The opinions expressed in WebMD User-generated content areas like communities, reviews, ratings, or blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. User-generated content areas are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service, or treatment.
Do not consider WebMD User-generated content as medical advice. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.
Health Solutions From Our Sponsors
About WebMD Advertise With Us Terms of Use Privacy Policy Sponsor Policy Site Map Careers Contact Us
First Aid WebMD Magazine WebMD Health Record WebMD Mobile Newsletters Dictionary Physician Directory
©2005-2013 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.