Parenting: Elementary Ages Community

Hi Tmbandgtb,

Have you tried a shower attachment hose? You can control where the water is directed and she can stand while you wash her.

Hi Lainey,

What about the potty training?

It is very difficult to get young children to understand that their are different rules in each home. I would set a funny sounding alarm for the child that goes off every hour. Call it "The Potty Alarm" and make it fun for her to go to the bathroom. When the alarm goes off make a shocked face and say words that will excite her. You can also make a potty song. We used the song from Alice In Wonderland where the rabbit sings, "I'm late!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wl47EEYrAc
Just add the word potty and she will love it! You can also do a happy dance if she actually goes! The more fun it is for her the more she will want to do it even at her mom's house.

I also have a 3 year old daughter. She doesn't like getting her hair washed, either. I think it's a common issue at this age, so I don't think anyone has terrorized your step-daughter. We usually let our daughter try and do most of the washing herself, and then just help out as needed. It has helped make bath time a little easier.

Have you discussed with her other parent(s) when they will start potty training?

I don't think there really is any bathtub issues. Both my kids have gone through a "I hate having my hair washed" phase. They scream like I am killing them. But we cover their eyes and do it real quick. Finally my son, now 5, does his own just fine. But my 2 year old still hates to have hers washed.

As for the potty issue, have you talked to the other side? Do they feel she isn't ready? If they won't help potty train her, then there might now be much that you can do. If you had her for a good week or two you probably could get her well trained and maybe have them continue it. I know many kids who were not potty trained until 3 so there is no rush if she isn't ready.

She does good with us. But as far as the biological mom, her parents which are divorced, put her pullups on like they're too busy. Me and the biological father both have full time jobs and I also work a part time job on top. As soon as we see she has pullups on, we take them off and put her "big" girl panties on. And we tell her you peepee and poopoo in the potty like a big girl. Even with the poopoo she has been doing better because we have had her for the past 2 weeks, but it could turn around as soon as she is back with the mother's side.

The living arrangements with the mother are complicated. They're supposed to live with her, but it's joint custody and she's with us half of the time. The mother is schizophrenic and bipolar and refuses to take her medications so her father had took the kids so they're living with him and they stay with us when its our days to have them. But she and her brother are flipped flopped in between 5 houses so it's hard for us to say you have to do this, when they're letting them do whatever they want. There's no consistency. So our set rules are different from they're set rules which theirs is little or none at all. They let them eat junk food and run wild when we have set bedtimes, healthy meals, and potty training. The older son who is 7 is overweight so we watch that. There is no cokes and hardly any candy at all and definitely no fast food. I was just trying to find advice how to set it with the others so it's consistent all over and not just in one household.

I appreciate everyone who has helped me out, and if you would continue to offer your advice to me and my husband would be wonderful!

Wow - flipped between 5 houses must be hard on the kids. Really if the other people aren't "on board" I think any changes would be hard to maintain. I don't know how "friendly" you or your husband are with the others so I don't know if just speaking to them (family meeting?) would help. Have you thought about trying to get full custody? I don't know if that is something you want or if it is even possible. My thought would be to go to the court system and see if there is anything you can do to narrow down the disruption in their lives.

We have thought about taking them to court, but we don't have that much money to get a lawyer to take her to court. We get along okay with the ex wife, but she likes to make up lies about my husband to get everyone off her back for not taking her medications so I'm not real happy with her.