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7 Year Old lying
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wmills03 posted:
My daughter just turned 7 years old. She has been getting into the habbit of telling me and my husband small lies. For example: Jordan have you made your bed today? She answers; Yes.. So I reply okay well I am going to go to your room to check. She replies, Oh No I didn't say YES I said GUESS.
Then she has a tantrum because I have told her I know she is not being honest with me. She yells storms off. Then later comes back to admitt she wasnt being honest. So one lie turns to TWO and then attitude. I dont understand it. I am also having problems trying to fix it. Any suggestions?
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An_222231 responded:
In our house, there's no such thing as a "small" lie. A lie is a lie and the punishment for lying in our house is twice what it would be if our son had just told the truth. We established this VERY early on and there is no "second chance" once a lie comes out of your mouth. My son broke the trash can and when I made mention of it and he saw me fixing it, he never fessed up to it. A few days later, I had the lid up (foot on the "pedal") and he started pushing the lid back down. It occurred to me that this is how my $70 trash can got broken and he got in trouble for not fessing up about it. Our son is almost always brutally honest since he knows the consequences for lying and he will often tell on himself (for which he doesn't get in much trouble, if at all...since he told the truth and came forward...we always factor that into the punishment). I think you should set a severe consequence for lying, STICK TO IT (NO second chances..she is old enough to think before she speaks). I'm also concerned that you allow her to have a tantrum, yell at you and storm off. That wouldn't fly in my house either. Who's in charge here??!!! When our son cannot get a hold of his emotions, he gets to sit in the time-out chair (which we rarely use any more) until he can compose himself. He's not allowed to talk to or yell at anyone until he is calm enough to act rationally.
 
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wmills03 replied to An_222231's response:
I am aware a lie is a lie; i dont tell her she is saying a "small lie" I was just using that term on here for lack of better terms.

I have read a lot about my daughters age group and lying in the past week.

I think lying is wrong/ i think tantrums are wrong. When she has a tantrum I send her to her room until she calms down/ I dont allow her to scream and yell at me. I guess I didn't make that clear. She isnt in charge.

I just dont think yelling at a child to correct this issue is a good resolution. I want my child to want to be honest because it is the right thing to do, not because she is scared of her punishment. One thing I read was do not put your child in a situation where they feel like they have to lie. (children mostly lie; because they dont think before they speak and the first thing that comes to mind is to please its parents) So instead of saying did you make your bed when you know they didnt. Just tell them to make it/ dont set them up for faliure. And stress honesty. When they tell the truth thank them. And punish sepratley for each thing.
 
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momuv4girls replied to wmills03's response:
In my opinion, I think it would be really helpful to have your daughter see a Child Psychologist - - a good one, and not your "typical" therapist, but a Child Psychologist.

They will offer an insight and parenting techniques that you possibly haven't tried or thought of.

Take care!
-Kathleen


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