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9 year old tantrums
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84_jenn posted:
Okay Ineed Help with my 9 year old son. For 7 years he was an only child. He use to get whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. as he got older i didnt give him as much unless i got tired of him whining and gave in.When i got with the man that i am with now 5 years ago i was more stricter towards what he got and what he did just becuase it got out of hand and he walked all over me and now he has 2 little sisters and its worse. Hes very mouthy whiny and disrespectful. Me and my boyfriend fight alot cause im not hard on him and give in alot but i do with all 3 of my children. he still walks all over me and mu boyfriend and him argue constantly. When he goes to his dads he plays video games and watches tv all weekend long. and gets away with everything. so when he is home we limit his television and video games and he gets mad and cries or argues. What can i do???????? im screaming for help and dont know how to find it. Ive thought about letting him live with his father but that means that i am not a good mother and giving up and that is not me at all... please someone help!!!!!!!!!
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ryanandleigh responded:
My main piece of advice would be to be consistent with what you do. DO NOT give in to his tantrums. You cannot totally control what happens when he is at his father's house but you can at your home. Write up some house rules and go over them with him. Talk about consequences to his behavior and make them relevant to the problem. I read a book that was very helpful with coming up with how to handle issues like this. It is called "Setting Limits with the Strong-Willed Child" by Robert MacKenzie. It even had week-by-week instructions on how to make the changes based on the child's age.
 
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Haylen_WebMD_Staff replied to ryanandleigh's response:
Thank you for posting ryanandleigh (love your photo).

I think consistency is something all parents struggle with. I'm having a particularly challenging week with my 6 year old and your post reminded me about the house rules chart that fell by the wayside during the holiday break.

It's dusted off and ready to go again :)

Haylen
 
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An_222233 responded:
Hi 84 Jenn, well if you think about it, for 9 years this is the only way he knows how to live. You said, "For 7 years he was an only child. He use to get whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. as he got older i didnt give him as much unless i got tired of him whining and gave in." You also have to think about, you have a boyfriend, with two more children. How does that look to your son? (just a little background on me - I had a mother who had me out of wedlock, with a man who was already married, my mom passed away when I was six, most likely from alcohol addiction, my father, who is currently an alcoholic raised me with his wife, with a seen and not heard type of enviroment) so for me, I thought I was not enough for my parents to one, stop drinking, two, be together, like other families. I felt pushed aside. Now for me, I became shy, quite, and kept to myself, I didn't talk much, and especially about my feelings. I would hold every thing in until I would explode. (this did caused problems later on in life, with my husband, we have grown and worked thru it, I have been married for 10 years now with one son who is 9). So I would say talk with your son find out what's going on, on the inside, its most likely going to take more than a few talks, set guidelines/rules, with appropriate consequences (both good and bad), and stick to it. Remember, it will take some time and work, this behavior did not happen overnight, and it's not going to correct its self that way either. Me as a parent, I had to go thru the same thing with my son, but at a much younger age. I gave in from 0 to about 4/5 but he was getting out of control, (not listen, backtalk, attitude) so I can say it took work, and me staying consistent. But now, I have a respectable son, who is getting A's & B's in school, teacher choice awards, and other parents saying "sure he can come over anytime, maybe he can teach my children a thing or two" Jenn it's tuff being a parent, especally when you love them so much and want to give them the world, but they can't handle the world, so be his mom, and love him thru sound discipline, easier said then done, trust me I know. But hang in there, don't give up, your son needs you...
 
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jennston responded:
Hi i am new to the board, just reading ur post reminds me of what my bf and I go through once in a while, even the fights come or did come between him and I from it too. Him and I have been together 4 yrs now. But last night she was tired, I am concictent with her bedtime 9pm, but she has s much energy she wears herself out during the day at school. But when she was younger they were almost every night to the point that she now has a hole in her door one in her wall from the doorknob slamming into it. Last night the tantrum was over her being told to go to her room, because her attitude when she came home from school was i don't care, i don't want to, i"m bored. so she was told to go to her room, watch tv or something because we knew she was cranky because she was tired. first she gives us a hard time going to her room, than she gets there stomping screaming at the top of her lungs. we r getting better ignoring it, but in the process last night she destroyed her curtain rod, stomped on the flor while in her room, messed her room up. we told her when she cleans her room, she can come down but she has to apologize to both of us. which she has a hard time doing. I had even punished her the night before due to slapping me in the face and calling me stupid baby, stupid eyeball(which i laughed about that one) but this stuff doesn't happen to us everyday, just once in a while. We last night just went out on the porch and had a cigarette while she was in her room doing her Tantrum thing. made it easier to ignore. I do agree with others that basically u have to ignore them if u know they r ok, fed, not sick, etc. It reminds me of what i had to do with my daughter when they were babies in their cribs, I knew they were fed, not sick, just simply tired. The spoiled part of it, i would just reitterate how important it is that he/she learns to share. My daughter tends to get bossy when she plays woith others we have to tell her to stop, be nice use sugestions, i even had to have her teacher watch her and another girl, because they boss each other when playing, my daughter would come home and be mean because she was so used to being that way with her little friend. the teacher had to stp them a few times and find something more organized for them to do that they couldn't be bossy with. I am sorry for babbing but hopefully my babbling helps someone.
 
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jennston responded:
another thing letting him live with his father doesn't mean u r a bad mother. I has to send my 12 yr old to live with her father, because I live in town, she was getting involed with 16 to 18 yr olds, found pot in her room, even had to have a 16 yr old dragged out of her room to the police staion one night. tests were done, no sexual intercourse, but her fahter and his gf live out in the woods, we could not get her under control here, lying, being sneaky, so she was sent there because i knew she was in good hands. se is now getting counseling etc. It was a choice I didn't want to have to make but had to. If u feel it is out of ur control, and u need help look to the father if he is a good father
 
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Haylen_WebMD_Staff responded:
Here's a link to the WebMD Temper Tantrum Directory - I had to spend some time on this last night. (2 year old was rolling around on the floor) Lots of information and articles for all ages...

84_jenn - how are things going? Have there been changes with you or your son?

Haylen


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