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My daughters father is in jail and had never seen her but now wants to....
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MOM4ORH posted:
The "sperm donor" went to jail when i was 3 months preganat with my daughter. He has 6 felonies pending against him....still has not gotten sentenced yet. I have completley raised my daughter so far without him, She is 13 months old now. He wants me to take her to the jail to let him see her but i refuse to take a child there. She does not know him and i would like to keep it that way even though some day it may effect her. I do have a wonderful boyfriend that puts some male influence in her life, Not that i am trying to make him her dad but if she grows up knowing him in a "father" figure way i think it will make it easier. I do not feel that my daughter would ever be safe with her biological father. just a little brief desciption of him: he has 2 other children which he wanted to give his rights up to about 2 years ago...(long story) never could hold a job down...very lazy....... reason for jail....tried to rob a bank ..with a loaded gun....said there was a bomb on the roof......and so on. He is claiming he is mental... Also tells me he will not pay support until he gets to see her , even though i know its 2 different issues. I have not had the money to get a lawyer yet so i guess im just looking for and guidance . Thanks!
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tothebeach4 responded:
I think you have to go with your gut feeling on this one. You're obviously not comfortable with taking your daughter to see her father (whom she's never met before) in jail, so if I were you I wouldn't do it. It doesn't seem like it would do her any justice to put her through that and since you said she already has a strong male "father figure" around her, she's probably better off not meeting her birth father until he can get his life on track. You have to do what you feel is right to protect your child and I think you'll make the right decision.
 
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ryanandleigh responded:
I agree with the other poster. There is no reason for you to take your daughter to meet her father while he is in jail. I wouldn't worry about a lawyer at this point unless you think he is going to file something to force visitation but even then I don't believe a judge would give him that. I also would never count on receiving child support especially if he is going to be doing a lot of jail time. If he ever offers to sign away his parental rights, I would take him up on it.
 
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jennifer_n508 responded:
Hello,
I am not sure what state you are in - but I think this is a universal law - if he was not there for the birth and/or sign the birth cert. - then he has no rights. He would have to bring you to court and get a DNA test to prove she is his daughter. This will be an out of pocket expense for him (rarely paid for by the state) in addition to agreeing to pay for the next 18 years of her life. He would also probably have to pay back child support. He might get a job under the table - but states are starting to put these jerks in jail, taking their drivers license, and preventing them from getting loans (like for cars and even opening bank accounts.) If he has done jail time for a violent crime and does all of the above, a judge will have no problem making visitation supervised by someone from the state, you, or other parties. You need to stop talking to him if you want to protect your daughter. If he is a big enough creep, I am sure he will threaten you at some point - make sure it is documented for the courts. You have the power here and if you don't want him to see her (for good reason) then make him work for it. He will eventually give up - but make no mistake - once he gets some dumb girl he will attempt to do this all again to impress her. This will probably be a long fight - but worth it. After maybe about 10 years - tell him you will waive all the back child support he owes to give up his rights. You have to be creative. Good luck - can you tell I have been through this? haha
 
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JonInVirginia responded:
The presence of a boyfriend in your life (and I fear, a long string of boyfriends) is detrimental to your daughter. Your baby girl is already minus one parent; please don't divide your attention this way. She needs ALL of your attention! The wisest course of action that would be best for your girl: You are done with dating, until she is 18.
 
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ariannasmommy0305 replied to JonInVirginia's response:
I know this is an old thread but I just had to respond to Jon's reply that the presence of a boyfriend in a single mom's life is detrimental to her child. And that she shouldnt date til her daughter is 18. I am a single mom of a four year old little girl. I have been dating the same man for 7 months and just recently let him meet my daughter. My personal and dating life is kept separate but I promise you I am much happier in this stable loving relationship than I would be alone. My daughter gets plenty of attention & if she is not with me she is being showered with attention by her grandparents. While I agree dating relationships can take time and attention away from a child, it doesnt have to be this way.


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