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7 yr old son's bad behavior
Anon_75163 posted:
I'm at a loss at what more I can do for my son to understand that he cannot be distruptive in 1st grade class. His excuses has been "I got distracted", "I get bored with the lesson", "someone else did it and the teacher thought it was me".

We've talked to the teacher about this to get point of view. My son has to learn to work with groups better and it's just not all about him. When we find out he gets in trouble, we've taken some privileges away for a day like no TV or staying in his room for the rest of the night.

Last week, he got better after an intensive talk about these things.

However, i just got a call from the principal about him. he and someone else in the class got into a scruffle about their place in line and the person fell and hurt the shoulder.

My son was sent to the principal's office where he had a good talking to. Luckily, he's not in any more trouble because the principal didn't think my son purposely wanted to hurt anyone.

What else can we do to get it through his head that he needs to shape up?

Grounding him more? Talk to him more? Take him to the police station to see what happens to people who don't follow the rules?
An_245307 responded:
Hi Anon,

Start focusing on his positive behavior and rewarding only that. I do not know specifics, nor your or your son (family dynamics and what not) but try a positive behavior reward chart.

What I have done with my 7 yr old when he got a white slip at school I took everything (I mean TV, video games, movies, computer-his most prized possessions) away from him. Except for after school sports kids need an outlet, and I only took/take that away from him when he does not finish his homework.

In a calm and collected voice, I told him that he will have to earn everything back and that was the only reason why he had it in the first place. My son needed to grasp responsibility, because obviously I did not instill that concept in him. By using a positive outlook on my son's behavior, it did wonders. I stopped punishment and negatively reinforcing him until he understood that he needs to earn all the fun stuff. Just like mommy and daddy work.

This is the 'gist' of what I did with my son:

I used a 'chore chart' as a reward chard. I wrote down the positive behaviors I wanted to see (i.e.good weekly progress report from teacher, manners, cleaning up after himself, keeping his room tidy-fixing his bed, picking up toys) him accomplish . I needed to remind him, "gee, that room used to be super clean, I wonder if I could hire someone to keep that room clean since NAME isn't. I bet the person I hired would love a new T.V..."

Yes, it's a minor threat (but i am not really going to hire or give his tv away) but it reminded him about his responsibility to keep his room clean. Later on that week, as I saw the room staying clean I would commend him on keeping it that way. Now, remember my expectations of how clean I want his room to be are rarely going to be first...

I cleaned his room with him in the beginning to show him how I wanted it kept and of course it was not kept that way for too long. But the bed was fixed and the floor was clear of any toys and that was what he remembered.

I would give him a sticker/check/x on his chart if I saw him using his manners, cleaning his room, finish his homework, reading, ect. If he would begin to 'act up' I would remove checks/stickers/xs and remind him that that behavior was unacceptable. I would not negotiate with him, explain why I removed the sticker, I just say something along the lines 'awe bummer, looks like u just lost an X for name the unwanted behavior. We can try again to earn it back though, but that behavior was unacceptable."

I used to be a behavior consultant for children with special needs, I am now an intensive behavioral support assistant. A lot of the ideas I use were from my training, however the show SuperNanny has been quite influential too. ) Good luck and remember consistency and positive behaviors are our friends. You can also tweak my example more to fit your son's needs. Hope everything works out.
An_245307 replied to An_245307's response:
I am not an expert...I am just sharing ideas and strategies I have used at home and at work...

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