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Need advice- discipline issue!
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Pearl_GQ posted:
I have learned unconditional love with my DSS, and as a crunchy type mama, I don't believe in spanking. But I am at the end of my rope with him. When DS is around, he's fine, but if DS is at work, he screams, refuses to eat his food, throws his toys around, and tells me he doesn't have to listen to me. Yesterday, after all these in turns, he told me he wants to teach 8 month old DD how to be rude and bad like him so he will get in trouble. I called his mother to see if she could talk some sense into him. He put his hands over his ears and kicked me in the breast and stomach when I told him to talk to her, and then he threw his cell phone and popped the battery out. Then he started to go for DD, and I was afraid he would hurt her, so I tried to physically put him on the bed. He scratched my arm so hard I bruised and bled. I am afraid for DD's safety, even to go to the bathroom or take a shower. I've tried time out, taking away all privileges, writing lines, talking quietly, everything my therapist says to do. I don't believe in physical punishment. I am at the end of my rope. When the video game controllers are away and the TV remote is hidden and the child bruises me and kicks me when I try to do timeout... what do I do now??? :crying:
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stephs_3_kidz responded:
I think you need to take him to his pediatrician, maybe record his actions with a camcorder, and show the pedi how he's acting. Maybe he/she will have some advice. That is EXTREME behavior for a 9yo. I would be out of my mind with frustration having to deal with him behaving in that manner. And take DD with you everywhere you go..bathroom and shower included. I'd be terrified to leave her alone with him. ((((HUGS))))
 
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normarae5 responded:
I have a six year old son. I am really not big on spanking. He has gotten exactly 3 spanking since he has been here. I actually keep track. People may not agree with me but I use it as a very, very last resort. And 3 out of 3 that action resulted in turned around behavior. I am not saying spank him but that is a option. He has no respect for you, in your home. Unless something is mentally wrong with him. He knows exactly what he is doing. Point 1. He only does these things away from your husband. 2. He has told you that he is going to teach your child the same behavior. That is pre meditated behavior. He is out of control anytime you say you do not trust your child around him. Something has to be done. It seems as if your uncomfortable in your own home due to a child that really is not running anything. With behavior like that in my home, he would never touch a toy,game, tv etc.......... until the behavior stops. Just my opinion. And if that does not work I would spank him. Question:: What does your husband say about this when you tell him about his behavior.
 
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acemama responded:
I can understand your frustration and anxiety at this situation. I think a part of the answer lies with your DH. If the child respects and obeys him, but not you as his wife, then it's time you two present this young man with a united front. Your DH needs to explain to your DSS in no uncertain terms that disrespecting you, harming his sister or any other misbehavior will be met with no tolerance from him. That may mean loss of all privileges, taking everything away and having him earn it back or whatever you two agree is the best enforcement. Bottom line, DSS must respect you as his father's wife no ifs, ands, or buts. Good luck.
 
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Pearl_GQ responded:
DH had that conversation with him last night. He has been at his grandparents' house today, so DD has had a break. We've taken away his Wii privileges for the rest of the summer (4 more days til he flies back to Texas). I can only hope that at some point we can petition for full custody so he can get the psychological care he needs... or he won't be able to come back. I don't see it getting any better unless he has better treatment than his mama wants to give him. Thanks for your help, everyone!
 
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1SAHM responded:
This post struck a nerve with me. My DH has 3 kids from prev marriage. Right after we had DS, we got custody of the 2 boys. Everything was fine, for a while, but the oldest one started disrespecting me. One day he got in trouble in school and DH and I had agreed grounding (no video games). I went to leave house and found him doing what his dad told him not to do - and he beat me up! DH had to pull him off of me then he went outside and totaled my car.. Please do not let this behavior continue - I know my situation was worse case, but it could happen.. He got arrested - blah. In Ohio, there are some hospitals you can take child to and tell them what is happening and that you are afraid for yourself and they will admit them. The hospital here, takes everything away from them (shoes) and they have to earn them back. What does DH say about this behavior? My DH was in denial and still is to some degree.. Because of this we had serious martial problems and DH hasn't seen those kids in almost 5 yrs, as son and ex believe it was all my fault.. I will pray for you and your family.
 
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jkncrawford responded:
Oh my!!! You should not have to live like that. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. First off, if it were me, I think I would find a new therapist. Obviously, the one you have is not working. This child has some major emotional problems & is taking it out on you. Maybe he's mad b/c his dad is not with his mom anymore or who knows but this kid needs to be evaluated for some serious physiological issues especially if you are afraid he might hurt your child. Do you have house rules written out & hanging in plain sight along with what would happen if he broke one? Children like that need to know their boundaries all the time & do better when they can visualize it. I would also make him earn his cell phone & video game time & if that don't work I would seriously be looking into military school. Good luck.
 
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Lillyanya responded:
I hate to say it, but he needs more taken away then just the Wii. He should not be allowed to watch any cartoons, play with any toys, or ride his bike. He should be allowed to color, write, or do something with his imagination, but that is all. I think behavior that severe needs punishment that severe. I also would not allow him back until you can get psychological help for him, or you could make him see a counseler while he is with you. It's better to at least let him have some form of help when he is with you all. It might help him to have somebody to talk to. I'm a firm beliver that if the situation warrents a spanking then it is ok, as long as it is not out of anger or frustration. It has to be about discipline. I'm sorry, but if he was harming my other child, then that warrents a spanking. No child should be allowed to harm another child. Your daughter can't defend herself. You're the only one who can do that for her.
 
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jkncrawford responded:
I don't think spanking would be a good idea in this case. I'm not a big fan of spanking. I believe it teaches our kids that it's okay to hit someone & it's never okay to hit or hurt someone especially for a boy & one who is obviously emotionally disturbed. I think it would make him want to lash out even more on you or take his anger out on DD by hurting her. But of course that's just my opinion.
 
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FCL responded:
I agree with Kim on this. I think that spanking him might just unleash a storm worse than the one you already have ...
 
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Lillyanya responded:
The problem is that you don't know if spanking will cause that. I have a nephew that would stick his little sister in the dryer. She has CP. My sister would give him a small spanking and time out when he would go to that extreme. It never "unleashed a storm." I personally believe that this storm has already been unleashed. I agree though, that everybody is entitled to their opinions, but sometimes taking things away and time outs just don't work. It especially doesn't work for a kid who doesn't care if he loses certain privliges.
 
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jkncrawford responded:
I agree that you don't know the outcome of what something might be but with this particular situation where a child is that much out of control & already hits his step mom that would not be something I would try. I think I would want to reinforce to him that hitting is not the answer & something we don't do. If time-outs & taking priviledges away are not working, I don't think spanking would either.
 
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GnSwoosh responded:
I stuck my little brother in the dryer and it wasn't a discipline issue. It was just that no one showed me the right way to do things. I didn't need to be spanked. And my brother and I are fine!
 
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normarae5 responded:
Statements like that show how different parents are in the Parenting department. Because if my child stuck another child of mine in a dryer, and on top of that a disabled child of mine in a dryer. I would be on him like white on rice. That is a discipline issue and should not be tolerated. What if the child decides to play around and turn the dryer on. Like I said in my first statement, I am not really big on spanking my son, he is 6 1/2 and has gotten three spanking. If he did that, he would be on his fourth one.
 
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GnSwoosh responded:
I turned it on. I didn't know better. The question is, where was my Mom when I did that? I needed guidance, not a spanking!!!!!! How many cartoons did I see that showed someone spinning around, and it was fun for them? How would I have known?


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