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At what point does it turn into spoiling?
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saywhat789 posted:
My 15 month old daughter is very active and curious. I still consider her a baby and think "you can't spoil a baby." I'm just wondering at what point are they no longer considered a baby? I know she's only going to be little once and I pick my battles carefully. At what point is she going to realize that she can get away with anything??

I certainly don't give into her every want right now. I'll re-direct her or let her throw her fit and walk away. But the majority of the time it's her feeling like an out of control toddler and wanting to explore.

I guess I just need some reassurance that I'm not ruining my kid by not putting her in time out at 15 months. People keep saying she's "spoiled" and that she's going to be out of control later on. She's only 15 months old!! Am I enabling her???
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tothebeach4 responded:
That's a really good question and I'm really curious to see what kind of answers you get. My baby is just a week shy of 9 months, so we are definitely still "spoiling" him (if that's what some poeple want to call it). I just call it "loving" him.

I recently read in interesting article about raising well-adjusted and empathetic children... you might like it too

Anyway... It's natural for a baby to be curious and active, but you also have to make sure she understands that you're the mom and what you say goes. Let her explore her surroundings when it's appropriate, but you also have to learn how to keep her in control not only to instill manners, but to also keep her safe when you're in public.

All children will push the limits of their parents to see what they can get away with, so her behavior is quite normal, but you have to be persistant and stay on top of her for her to learn what is acceptable behavior to you and what is not.

Good luck... pretty soon I'll need it too
 
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seeit2 responded:
No, I don't think you are spoiling her at all. You are enabling her to become a curious, brave, secure, intelligent, independent girl. I have a 4 yr old and a 14 month old - and with the 4 yr old I heard the same things, that she had "too much freedom" and not enough discipline. Contrary to popular belief, she did not remember every successful attempt to outrun me or out-scream me. She still does not do things to manipulate me, though people would have put that "skill" on the list at 15 months if I'd let them. I never used time out until she turned 4, and even then I only use it when she is too rough with her little brother - so, maybe three times in her life. We use it for safety reasons only.

Your DD needs boundaries and she always will. You are already helping to establish them by redirecting her and actively ignoring unwanted behavior. At this age, personally, I think that is just right.

Deb
 
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seeit2 replied to tothebeach4's response:
That's an interesting article, tothebeach - thanks for posting it. I wonder how they can claim to know how caveman society operated? The articel does not say anything about that, that I saw.
 
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saywhat789 responded:
So just wanted to update for anybody that is interested. I did some research (developmental psychology) and found that about 17-18 months is when they get the understanding that they can influence people and manipulate. Very neat. But I'm still interested to see if my answer differs from the professionals here.

It's very sad that some people view breastfeeding a toddler on demand and co-sleeping as "spoiling." I consider these emotional needs.


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