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    Share Your View: Day Care Vs. Grandparents!
    Lainey_WebMD_Staff posted:
    Hello parents!

    Most families need two incomes to survive now-a-days. Grandparents can be a great resource for helping with daycare but many feel daycare will help with their child's education.

    Do you prefer daycare or grandparents?
    phoenix31674 responded:
    There are advantages to both. If you have an involved grandparent willing to teach and interact with others watching kids in the neighborhood, I think it can be more beneficial than day care. But there's nothing wrong with day care. Those kids to get a bit of a social head start, but it's quickly overcome by those either staying with mom, a nanny or the grandparents.

    I'm lucky enough to be able to stay at home, and we live too far from relatives for that option, so if I had had to work, the LOs would be in daycare. Heck, DD sometimes gets a few hours at daycare and just loves it there. I have a hard time getting her to leave. LOL

    I think a mother needs to go with what she's most comfortable with if she can afford either option. Some mothers can't afford the day care option and may be less than pleased with how the grandmother handles her child, but she doesn't have another option.
    Boyzmomee responded:
    If the grandparents are loving and stable, I think they would be much better during the infant/young years.

    We have two couples in my office who just had baby boys and the first couple is having grandpa care for their son as he just retired. The second couple is sharing between both sets of grandparents. They can come to work secure and peaceful in the knowledge that their sons are well cared for and loved.

    Pre-school age, I might do both such as pre-school 3 days a week and grandparents the other two.
    An_222096 replied to Boyzmomee's response:
    I go to work every day with the knowledge that my son is well cared for and loved - at his home daycare. My parents (who are still working), want an chance to be Nanny and Poppy, not constant caregiver - and I want to give them that luxury. They had my niece and nephew living with them a time and all while they loved having them there, it's a different dynamic. They want a chance to spoil them rotten. And my in-laws, they would never follow instructions on how I want my son cared for. We have very different ideas on parenting.

    My daycare provider and I are on the same page. She came highly recommended from a coworker whose child was fighting leukemia and she told me what a god send this woman was - helping her and her daughter through the hard times, especially when the FMLA ran out and she needed to return to work.

    If you find the right daycare, it can be a wonderful experience. He gets to see his 'friends' every day and play, something I cherish since he's an only child. My DCP gives them opportunities to get out of the house and do activites like visiting the fire station, picking apples and pumpkins, going to the YMCA and even singing songs for the local senior center.

    I wish I could stay home with him - but if it can't be me, I'm so glad for my wonderful DCP and I'm glad I made that decision.
    Lainey_WebMD_Staff responded:
    Some great views for both care sources!

    Do you feel daycare should be tax funded, (like our public schools) to help ease the cost?
    DnEmom replied to Lainey_WebMD_Staff's response:
    I have been on both sides of the fence, when my now 9 yr old was a baby my mom took care of him till he was 1.5yrs old, then she moved out of state and I enrolled him in the YMCA daycare/ Pre K... let me tell you it was awesome, I till this day have a great realtionship with his daycare/Pre k teacher.

    I now have a DD which is 2.5! the whole family had relocated and moved from MASS to GA and my mom followed us.. So mom has been taking care of her and its AWESOME, my mom is still young and makes everything work they do lots of special things together and I dont worry so much about the school/learning ect. She will go to pre k and will learn lots, I also do lots of reading with her so this works for us and I have to say that I am very PROUD of MY MOM!!!
    Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to DnEmom's response:
    Hi DnEmon,

    Great reply! Both care sources can be wonderful experiences, if we spend the time to work through it.
    cyn22mull responded:
    I think both options are great. Daycare was the better option for us.

    I was afraid that having grandparents watch DS would cause a strain on my relationship with my parents and my in-laws (whoever would watch him). I did not want to have to set rules and have to say not too do this or don't feed him that. I feel like by doing this when DS spends time with grandparents I don't worry if he gets that ice cream cone before dinner, or if he has more juice than I like, or if he eats chips for lunch. And what if grandparents want to go on vacation or get sick I don't have to worry at the last min. about who I can get to take care of DS. I hope all that makes sense"026"026
    An_222097 responded:
    I don't look at the "what's best - grandparents or daycare?" question. My first question is why ask grandparents to look after our children if we can't afford to do so ourselves? Why have children we can't afford?

    I find myself wondering how grandparents feel about this. Is it fair to expect them to look after our children on a regular basis? Do they want to take care of them all the time? Or woud they prefer the "fun stuff" that they had with their grandparents? Are they resentful that they are expected to look after their grandchildren (after all, many are under 50 and are still leading their careers and heading for their ambitions)? How much pressure is put on them (and guilt is a silent weapon) to take care of the children that their own children cannot afford to have or look after ...?

    Are our children not OUR responsability? Have our parents not done enough for us already without being expected to raise our children too? Just a few thoughts...

    I have no answers to my questions but find it hard to get my mind round the fact that some parents expect their own parents to be there at the drop of a hat ...

    How many of us will be prepared to drop a high-powered career because our children asked us to take care of their children because they can't stay home with them and can't put them into day care ...

    It all boils down to responsability ... YES, if the grandparents want to look after their grandbabies, GREAT! But supposing they don't feel so happy about it? They are entitled to their own lives. Why should they be considered to be an automatic replacement for daycare? Aren't we being dismissive of the importance of their lives, of their relationship together? Why should they set their lives aside for OUR children... It's not as if they don't have lives of their own...
    seeit2 replied to Lainey_WebMD_Staff's response:
    Tax funded? No. My DH and I moved to a new state and re-arranged our lives - including selling one car and seriously downsizing our general lifestyle - to accommodate one income so I could stay home with our kids. It can be done. Let me keep my money to take care of my own family - I have made many sacrifices to be able to do so.

    As for grandparents, I would never presume that my parents or ILs would care for my kids for long periods of time. It's not their job either.
    Boyzmomee replied to An_222096's response:
    I am cautious at leaving a young child who cannot speak with employees.
    Boyzmomee replied to Lainey_WebMD_Staff's response:
    Boyzmomee replied to An_222097's response:
    You assume that grandparents aren't financially compensated.

    I haven't read here that it was "expected" that grandparents care for their grandchildren.

    nursingbug replied to An_222097's response:
    My mother in law watches my daughter, and I love it. We pay her, it isn't that we can't afford daycare. My Mother in law had 4 kids and I think she would have had more, she really enjoys kids, and she does a great job. I love that my daughter has a very special relationship to her grandparents, I think it is strengthened since they spend so much time together.
    It isn't a question of what is better, but what is better for a particular family. I always thought I would stay at home as a mom, but it turned out that that was not feasable, and I like working. If my mother in law had not wanted or had not been able to watch her, I would have made it work with day care. And I always consider that my mil has 3 daughters, who are going to have children as well, and she is not going to be able to watch all of them forever. Then we may do some day care.
    Everyone has responsibility, the parents for finding appropriate care, and the grandparents to be honest with their children if taking care of grandchildren is not possible or wanted. That way no one is a victim. :)
    The whole idea of having children you can't afford is interesting. I delayed children because of finances for many years and regret it. Many friends told me if you wait to afford children, then you never will have them, although I know it is a good idea sometimes.
    phoenix31674 replied to Lainey_WebMD_Staff's response:
    Good question about tax funded day care, I say no. Our tax dollars are already stretched far too thin with so many things such as infrastructure and schools that aren't being adequately funded. I think that ensuring kids have the necessary resources in their schools and that the lights and water stay on are far more important. People forget about water, but most of the main water arteries in this country are 50-100 years old. Big water main breaks aren't seen as unusual, but they should be.

    In the past, men tended not to marry until they had established a career and could support a family. Now you have young adults deciding to have kids early, sometimes when neither has a job. Yes, i know some will say pregnancies were accidental, but in my mind deciding to have sex (protected or otherwise) means you are deciding that you are willing to risk becoming a parent and all the responsibilities that entails.

    I know the world has changed and women want more than to stay at home with the kids and I don't have a problem with that, but the family should be able to pay for their own child care or work for a company that has decided child care benefits are something they find important.

    I'm socially conservative other ways having been raised you should take care of yourself and do hand ups not hand outs. Once out of college I never asked for money from my folks. I got a scholarship and maybe asked my mom for a total of $5k over the 4 years for some spending money or to pay for books. Much cheaper than keeping me at home. ;)

    I look at how the hand out model is crippling countries in Europe economically and don't want to see that in the US. If the citizens as a whole decide they want the European model of pay 30-40% of your income in taxes and a 20% VAT on everything in order to get all the government programs, fine, but we can't do it when 40% of Americans pay no income tax and the super wealthy end up shirking most of their tax burden so that those stuck in the middle end up paying for everything.

    I know a lot of childless or folks able to pay for their own childcare would be a hard sell on why they should be taxed even more to pay for childcare for people who can't afford it. The calls to end welfare would cry even louder. Heck, you try raising property taxes somewhere and folks without kids come out of the woodworks on how they don't want to pay for schools they won't use even though an educated population is the key to this country's future growth.

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