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Dr. Roy Benaroch
Your Children's Health
Healthy Begins Here
behavior issues
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An_222124 posted:
My son is six years old. Over the past year or so his behavior at home has gone from bad to worse, to now getting a little bit better. We also have a one year old. I thought that his sister being born was what started the problems, but now I'm not sure. I have this horrible feeling that he has gotten it into his head that he is a bad person for not behaving. We have tried positive reinforcement, special time with mom and dad. Every morning when he wakes up I take time to cuddle with him for a while. I just want him to know that he is loved. When we put him in timeout he won't stay, no matter how many times we bring him back. I just end up being completely exhausted, feeling defeated and on top of it his behavior ends up being 10 times worse. I have even just left the room myself and told him I needed some time to cool off, trying to set a good example. That hasn't seemed to work either. I've reasoned with him, he won't listen. He knows when I am alone with him and the baby it is harder and he uses this to manipulate. For example, if I tell him not to do something and the baby is napping he'll start yelling, knowing that the baby will wake up. Sometimes he seems completely fine, as far as I can tell, and then all of a sudden his behavior just changes, and he'll just start running around screaming very very loudly, jumping on the furniture, going completely crazy, doing things that are inappropriate...and I mean, this has gone on for like 2 hrs..Lately these episodes have not been happening as often or for as long.

To make things worse when I try to play with him and the baby he is always getting too close to her, making her lose her balance, etc. and just in general doing things that are not safe. He would not intentionally hurt her. I just don't know if he doesn't understand or he's purposely not listening to me. I just don't know what to do..like I said his behavior has improved significantly from what it was a few months ago, but I still need some better way to deal with this..
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Indiaguerita responded:
Have you noticed any other behaviors such as:

-Playing repetitively with only certain toys or playing inappropriately with toys (such as spinning the wheels on the hotwheels instead of racing them around)?

-Does he play with other children?

-Does he dislike changes in routine? Or does he insist on sameness (inlcuding same foods, same movies or books)?

-Does he look at you in the eyes?

-Was he delayed in speech, motor skills or social skills?


Even if he doesn't fit any of the previous questions, I would say it's time to find a pediatric behavior psychologist who can help you teach him the proper behavior. They will work with you one-on-one to teach you some methods of getting rid of the unwanted behaviors and replacing them with good behaviors.

If you don't have insurance, most places work on a sliding scale fee based on your income. Your local county mental health department can also help find you services. Also...an Early Intervention entity might be able to help you find services.

Good luck,

Laura
 
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Sarahai replied to Indiaguerita's response:
There isn't anything that would indicate ASD. His behavior seems to get worse when we switch from one activity to another. Also when he has to get ready for school and when he gets home from school. His father was working more a few months ago and his behavior seemed worse during that time. Thank you for the advice.
 
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Indiaguerita replied to Sarahai's response:
School is structured and is a daily routine.

Is your home life chaotic with no routine?

Having trouble changing from one activity to the next is not age-appropriate for a six year old. If he were two or three, then it would be ok and not really cause for concern. He's old enough not to get upset .

I would not dismiss ASD so quickly.

The advice remains the same...whether or not he might possibly be on the spectrum you could consider seeing a behaviorial psychologist for an evaluation for other conditions. (ie: ADD/ADHD...childhood Bipolar disorder...Oppositional defiance disorder...etc.)

-LJ
 
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Sarahai replied to Indiaguerita's response:
I'm sorry if it sounded like I was being dismissive of what you were saying. I was honestly saying thank you for the advice. I have a friend with ASD and have read extensively about the subject. I wouldn't call our home life chaotic. We do mostly the same things each day at the same times. I have been trying to get into more of a set routine, but it's been difficult.
 
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Indiaguerita replied to Sarahai's response:
I know how difficult it is to set a routine. I've been trying to do it for five years now and I still haven't quite gotten it. Something always comes up and we have to make accomodations for our son with Autism. *Sigh*

You're very welcome. I am sorry I came off as harsh. I have seen children who are very obviously Autistic and the parents absolutely refuse to come to terms that their child might possibly (definitely) be Autistic. It's frustrating. The faster they diagnose it the faster those parents could get some treatments.

Your son sounds a lot like my little brother. He was diagnosed with ADHD at age seven. I think most states say to wait until a child is seven to be diagnosed in case they grow out of it before that age.

Anyways...good luck. Everything will turn out okay...even if he is diagnosed with something. Let me know how you're doing.

-LJ
 
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Sarahai replied to Indiaguerita's response:
It is hard. I feel like if one of them is happy the other is not. I'm trying to find the right balance. I don't know if it would be easier to start with one small change at a time.

I understand what you're saying. It must be hard to accept. I was diagnosed with ADD when I was a kid. I was not hyperactive at all. I was put into a special class after kindergarten and didn't go to first grade until the following year. I couldn't understand why everyone else was going to the next grade but me. I was put on ritalin at one point, I felt tired, I was ridiculed by some of the teachers. I was testing at or above grade level. When they evaluated me in the classroom they said I was disorganized, etc. I was not offered any help. The whole thing just made me feel like there was something fundamentally wrong with me. I just don't know how to feel about it sometimes. I also suffer from depression and anxiety. I don't know sometimes what is what. I'm scared that my son could have ADHD and i'm scared that he could end up having the same problems I have had.

When this behavior started I mentioned to the pediatrician that he had been acting out. He asked me if he had been acting the same way in school. I told him no and he said it was probably just a problem at home. I just feel horrible. I feel like this is all my fault. If there is a problem, do you think it could be possible for it just to manifest at home and not at school?
 
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Indiaguerita replied to Sarahai's response:
One thing at a time is the BEST way to go about making changes. I tried to change everything at once and got so overwhelmed that I literally wanted to run away from everything and go to Mexico (or somewhere tropical).

My son is a completely different person at school than he is at home. At first he resisted the change of having school. It was hard for about the first three months after he started school. It was a daily battle getting him into the classroom. (Punching, kicking and screaming.)

Now he is thrilled to go to school. He loves routine. But when he comes home...we don't really have a routine established (except for bedtime...which is another story in itself). We have no predictability and he goes haywire. (I'm thinking of a better way to describe his behavior but it's probably prohibited by WebMD's rules. LOL)

So, to answer your question...yes...it's definitely possible for him to act different at school than at home.

It is not your fault. Unless you are physically abusing him or he has been traumatized by something. (I am assuming you haven't abused him and he hasn't been traumatized.)

Another thing that works for us is ABA therapy. It actually works for non-neurotypical children and neurotypical. (Normal and not normal...The non-PC way to say that.)

Applied Behavioral Analysis therapy is the most amazing thing. If you can Google it...you can read about it. It takes to long to explain via writing. It is amazing stuff. It may seem simplistic and silly...but I promise you it works.

-LJ
 
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Indiaguerita replied to Indiaguerita's response:
That should say: It takes too long.

Sorry for the typo.

I'm my own grammar police.
 
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Sarahai replied to Indiaguerita's response:
I sometimes tell my husband that I'm going to run away to Mexico. That's funny. I will definitely have to start with small changes. I started out the day yesterday with high expectations. I was going to do everything I could to make sure everyone was happy and everything went right. It was an absolute disaster. One of the worst days we've had in a while. Today I promised myself that I wouldn't have any expectations for the day, just take things as they came and see how it went. Aside from a few minor meltdowns it went pretty well.

I've been writing in a journal for a while to see what works best to help with my depression, etc. I decided a few days ago to start writing down how my son's day went and things that might have an effect on his behavior. I figure if it doesn't help it definitely won't hurt anything.

The ABA therapy actually sounds pretty interesting. I've never heard of ABA, but coincidentally I actually met an ABA therapist today. Talk about strange. I'll have to look into it some more when I have some time.
 
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Indiaguerita2011 replied to Sarahai's response:
You can e-mail me anytime at indiaguerita@yahoo.com and I will direct you to some great websites for it.

Since you're starting a journal for yourself...start a journal for your son, too. When the unwanted behavior starts, write down the who, what and where. Who was present right before he started screaming/acting inappropriately? What was going on in the environment: Was the t.v. on? Were you cooking dinner or otherwise preoccupied (not giving him the attention he wants)? Where did it occur? Somewhere new? Home? Etc.

It will help you find the "cause" of the behavior.

Sometimes the solution is finding out that he just craves your attention and therefore will do anything to get it - even if he knows he will be punished...he just wants your attention.

Keep doing it one day at a time. Tackle on behavior/issue at a time and things will slowly but surely fall into place.



E-mail me...anytime. I get home at midnight from work so my response might not come until the next day.

-Laura
 
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Indiaguerita2011 replied to Sarahai's response:
PS...ABA is a miracle. I promise.
 
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JenPBDBP2 responded:
Have you considered going totally draconian and simply confining him to his room except for meal and bathroom breaks along with an early bedtime to ease boredom? it's quite simple, at his age, he knows what behavior is expected of him. By going draconian, you are giving him a chance to choose to behave that way. it will be hell for a while but eventually he'll figure it out as long as you think he's smart enough to do so.
 
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Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to JenPBDBP2's response:
Hi JenPBDBP2,

What do you mean by "draconian"? Sometimes the word "draconian" can also be defined as cruel but your reply seems to indicate to be firmer with consequences?
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. Jerry Seinfeld
 
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Sarahai replied to JenPBDBP2's response:
Unless we get a rubber room made for our home I don't think that would work. He won't stay in his room for one..and I actually think it's illegal to lock a child in a bedroom. I have given consequences, taken things away, etc. We are working on some more positive reinforcement and it seems like it's starting to help.


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