Announcements
Get the support and information you need for your behavior, development and health related questions.
For more information:
Health and Parenting Health Center
Raising fit Kids
Keep up with the latest trends, thoughts and news from our experts:
Dr. Roy Benaroch Your Children's Health
Healthy Begins Here
For more information:
Health and Parenting Health Center
Raising fit Kids
Keep up with the latest trends, thoughts and news from our experts:
Dr. Roy Benaroch Your Children's Health
Healthy Begins Here
Help: My Husband's Harsh Discipline Causes Our Son to Lose Control of Bladder
An_222156 posted:
Need some advice here. We have a wonderful 3 year old son. He's a very active kid, very dexterous and curious. He requires alot of attention as do all kids. Tonight my husband came home from work and they were watching some TV. My son got bored and behaved badly by hitting my husband. The first time dad did nothing, next time he yelled and the third time he screamed and hit our son back. I don't believe in hitting your kids.
My son got so upset that he peed his pants - lost control of his bladder. This has happened b/f when my husband lost his temper over our son's toddler ways.
Husband promised not to do it again -- but he did. Need help with this. Can't bear to tell anyone.
I feel he is abusive and blames me for not disciplining our son often enough. I had put him in time out 2xs today prior to my husband coming home and this incidient taking place. Then he blamed me for it happening saying that we were supposed to leave to go out with friends by 5:30 when this was all happening.
need help.
My son got so upset that he peed his pants - lost control of his bladder. This has happened b/f when my husband lost his temper over our son's toddler ways.
Husband promised not to do it again -- but he did. Need help with this. Can't bear to tell anyone.
I feel he is abusive and blames me for not disciplining our son often enough. I had put him in time out 2xs today prior to my husband coming home and this incidient taking place. Then he blamed me for it happening saying that we were supposed to leave to go out with friends by 5:30 when this was all happening.
need help.
9 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Help: My Husband's Harsh Discipline Causes Our Son to Lose Control of BladderNeed some advice here. We have a wonderful 3 year old son. He's a very active kid, very dexterous and curious. He requires alot of attention as do all kids. Tonight my husband came home from work and they were watching some TV. My son got bored and behaved badly by hitting my husband. The first time dad did nothing, next time he yelled and the third time he screamed and hit our son back. I don't believe in hitting your kids. <br /> <br />My son got so upset that he peed his pants - lost control of his bladder. This has happened b/f when my husband lost his temper over our son's toddler ways.<br /> <br />Husband promised not to do it again -- but he did. Need help with this. Can't bear to tell anyone. <br /> <br />I feel he is abusive and blames me for not disciplining our son often enough. I had put him in time out 2xs today prior to my husband coming home and this incidient taking place. Then he blamed me for it happening saying that we were supposed to leave to go out with friends by 5:30 when this was all happening.<br /> <br />need help.
momuv4girls responded:
I suggest parenting classes for both parents and your husband seek help for his anger issues.
It sounds like his anger is deeper than just a toddler being feisty. I would suspect he grew up in a household where hitting children was "typical".
You are right to be concerned, and your first allegiance is to protect your son. Don't let him make this your fault - - its his lack of control that lead him to hit.
*Sorry*, and ((Hugs))
-Kathleen
It sounds like his anger is deeper than just a toddler being feisty. I would suspect he grew up in a household where hitting children was "typical".
You are right to be concerned, and your first allegiance is to protect your son. Don't let him make this your fault - - its his lack of control that lead him to hit.
*Sorry*, and ((Hugs))
-Kathleen
Report This| Share this:Help: My Husband's Harsh Discipline Causes Our Son to Lose Control of BladderI suggest parenting classes for both parents and your husband seek help for his anger issues. <br /><br />It sounds like his anger is deeper than just a toddler being feisty. I would suspect he grew up in a household where hitting children was "typical". <br /><br />You are right to be concerned, and your first allegiance is to protect your son. Don't let him make this<b> your</b> fault - - its<b> his</b> lack of control that lead him to hit.<br /><br />*Sorry*, and ((Hugs))<br />-Kathleen
FCL responded:
That is SCARY. Does he get violent often? Have both of you ever discussed how to discipline your child? Because you have to be consistent. Also, he should have told your son to stop it the very first time, not ignored it ... The child probably thought that it was OK to continue.
Honestly, you need to share this with someone. You can't let him continue to brutalize a child. What he did was brutal. If he thinks that your disciplining of y our child is not working then perhaps if HE applied it rather than going nuclear you'd have a chance for it to work.
It might also help if he spent time with his son, playing, talking, whatever ... rather than just vegging out in front of the goggle box. The child wanted attention, that's all.
Has he ever been violent with you?
Honestly, you need to share this with someone. You can't let him continue to brutalize a child. What he did was brutal. If he thinks that your disciplining of y our child is not working then perhaps if HE applied it rather than going nuclear you'd have a chance for it to work.
It might also help if he spent time with his son, playing, talking, whatever ... rather than just vegging out in front of the goggle box. The child wanted attention, that's all.
Has he ever been violent with you?
Report This| Share this:Help: My Husband's Harsh Discipline Causes Our Son to Lose Control of BladderThat is SCARY. Does he get violent often? Have both of you ever discussed how to discipline your child? Because you have to be consistent. Also, he should have told your son to stop it the very first time, not ignored it ... The child probably thought that it was OK to continue. <br /> <br />Honestly, you need to share this with someone. You can't let him continue to brutalize a child. What he did was brutal. If he thinks that your disciplining of y our child is not working then perhaps if HE applied it rather than going nuclear you'd have a chance for it to work.<br /> <br />It might also help if he spent time with his son, playing, talking, whatever ... rather than just vegging out in front of the goggle box. The child wanted attention, that's all. <br /> <br />Has he ever been violent with you?
Boyzmomee responded:
Parenting classes right away on top of anger management training. Do you have a Family Services agency in your area?
He needs to understand typical child development, non violent ways of teaching his son and yes, discipline is teaching.
He also seems quite immature, putting his needs to go out with friends before his son's needs as well as blaming you. How old is he?
He clearly cannot manage his anger. Has he ever been violent with you?
It is up top you to protect your son.
He needs to understand typical child development, non violent ways of teaching his son and yes, discipline is teaching.
He also seems quite immature, putting his needs to go out with friends before his son's needs as well as blaming you. How old is he?
He clearly cannot manage his anger. Has he ever been violent with you?
It is up top you to protect your son.
Report This| Share this:Help: My Husband's Harsh Discipline Causes Our Son to Lose Control of BladderParenting classes right away on top of anger management training. Do you have a Family Services agency in your area?<br /> <br />He needs to understand typical child development, non violent ways of teaching his son and yes, discipline is teaching.<br /> <br />He also seems quite immature, putting his needs to go out with friends before his son's needs as well as blaming you. How old is he?<br /> <br />He clearly cannot manage his anger. Has he ever been violent with you?<br /> <br />It is up top you to protect your son.
tothebeach4 responded:
Reading this brings tears to my eyes. I just can't imagine standing there watching my husband do something like that to my child. I love my husband, but I would die for my child. What your husband is doing is a double dose of abuse... verbal and physical.
I can't give you anymore advice than what's been given already by previous posters, but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE protect your child from this violence. It's just not fair to him and it'll only get worse.
I can't give you anymore advice than what's been given already by previous posters, but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE protect your child from this violence. It's just not fair to him and it'll only get worse.
Report This| Share this:Help: My Husband's Harsh Discipline Causes Our Son to Lose Control of BladderReading this brings tears to my eyes. I just can't imagine standing there watching my husband do something like that to my child. I love my husband, but I would die for my child. What your husband is doing is a double dose of abuse... verbal and physical. <br /> <br />I can't give you anymore advice than what's been given already by previous posters, but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE protect your child from this violence. It's just not fair to him and it'll only get worse.
eliguns841984 responded:
when you say he hit him back...what do you mean? Was it an open handed swat on the bottom, or did he HIT your son? If he hit him, GET OUT. I do not suggest waiting around while the two of you take classes.... if he is abusive it only takes one day, one moment for it to get WAY out of hand and your child to suffere severe consequences. Take that baby and go to stay elsewhere...be it with family, a shelter, a hotel, or whatever you have to do. If you want to work on things or take classes, do it with your child at a safe distance.
Report This| Share this:Help: My Husband's Harsh Discipline Causes Our Son to Lose Control of Bladderwhen you say he hit him back...what do you mean? Was it an open handed swat on the bottom, or did he HIT your son? If he hit him, GET OUT. I do not suggest waiting around while the two of you take classes.... if he is abusive it only takes one day, one moment for it to get WAY out of hand and your child to suffere severe consequences. Take that baby and go to stay elsewhere...be it with family, a shelter, a hotel, or whatever you have to do. If you want to work on things or take classes, do it with your child at a safe distance.
alliegirl77 replied to eliguns841984's response:
totally agree here. Define "hit" here. If it was a swat on the bottom that's one thing but open handed HIT you do need to get out as much as I hate suggesting that to any mom. Spanking is one thing - one swat for something significant, but hitting for a 3 year old acting like a 3 year old does is not ok.
If you do stay, please make sure your child is safe and get some help. I am so sorry you are having to go through this.
If you do stay, please make sure your child is safe and get some help. I am so sorry you are having to go through this.
Report This| Share this:Help: My Husband's Harsh Discipline Causes Our Son to Lose Control of Bladdertotally agree here. Define "hit" here. If it was a swat on the bottom that's one thing but open handed HIT you do need to get out as much as I hate suggesting that to any mom. Spanking is one thing - one swat for something significant, but hitting for a 3 year old acting like a 3 year old does is not ok. <br /> <br />If you do stay, please make sure your child is safe and get some help. I am so sorry you are having to go through this.
alwaysopen replied to alliegirl77's response:
Thanks everyone for your support and concern.
For about a week after this situation, I forbade my husband from disciplining our son. I reached out to a local parenting program and got us into a group. That has helped, just brining it into light.
Moving forward we agreed that we must be on the same page and i basically manage the discipline b/c he for some reason can't remember what he agrees on. Then when he does remember he says he doesn't know how to implement.
It's a process of change. I'm praying that it works.
For about a week after this situation, I forbade my husband from disciplining our son. I reached out to a local parenting program and got us into a group. That has helped, just brining it into light.
Moving forward we agreed that we must be on the same page and i basically manage the discipline b/c he for some reason can't remember what he agrees on. Then when he does remember he says he doesn't know how to implement.
It's a process of change. I'm praying that it works.
Report This| Share this:Help: My Husband's Harsh Discipline Causes Our Son to Lose Control of BladderThanks everyone for your support and concern.<br /> <br />For about a week after this situation, I forbade my husband from disciplining our son. I reached out to a local parenting program and got us into a group. That has helped, just brining it into light.<br /> <br />Moving forward we agreed that we must be on the same page and i basically manage the discipline b/c he for some reason can't remember what he agrees on. Then when he does remember he says he doesn't know how to implement.<br /> <br />It's a process of change. I'm praying that it works.
luvmedo24 replied to alwaysopen's response:
I'm sorry for your situation and I'm glad that you sought help. My husband was raised being spanked with wooden spoons...his parents only did it a few times and then I think it was mostly used as a scare tactic. I, on the other hand, can't remember ever even being spanked. So, when we had our kids, my mom-in-law tries to tell me that I should do this to discipline my kids as well...that you don't actually have to hit them hard, but that it is more affective than using your hand. I told her and my husband the same thing I tell my kids--that it's not okay to hit. How can I punish my children for hitting by hitting them? What do they learn? That it's okay for me and not okay for them? If my children hit, I stop them immediately and look them in the eye and tell them that it is not okay to put your hands on anybody and that we DO NOT hit in this family. I'm lucky that my husband respects how I feel and we make sure that we're on the same page. I'm not completely against spanking or anything--we have swatted their butts before (with our hands) but rarely....I've found it's more devestating to my kids to just make them sit by themselves for a time-out.
Report This| Share this:Help: My Husband's Harsh Discipline Causes Our Son to Lose Control of BladderI'm sorry for your situation and I'm glad that you sought help. My husband was raised being spanked with wooden spoons...his parents only did it a few times and then I think it was mostly used as a scare tactic. I, on the other hand, can't remember ever even being spanked. So, when we had our kids, my mom-in-law tries to tell me that I should do this to discipline my kids as well...that you don't actually have to hit them hard, but that it is more affective than using your hand. I told her and my husband the same thing I tell my kids--that it's not okay to hit. How can I punish my children for hitting by hitting them? What do they learn? That it's okay for me and not okay for them? If my children hit, I stop them immediately and look them in the eye and tell them that it is not okay to put your hands on anybody and that we DO NOT hit in this family. I'm lucky that my husband respects how I feel and we make sure that we're on the same page. I'm not completely against spanking or anything--we have swatted their butts before (with our hands) but rarely....I've found it's more devestating to my kids to just make them sit by themselves for a time-out.
BehaviorBandAid replied to luvmedo24's response:
I would love it if we could detach the word "discipline" from "hitting" and "spanking" (i.e., "you need to discipline your child" usually means "you need to spank"). Discipline is MUCH more than that and, as you guys have already commented, sometimes does not involve spanking at all.
Glad you are seeking parenting classes.
Glad you are seeking parenting classes.
Report This| Share this:Help: My Husband's Harsh Discipline Causes Our Son to Lose Control of BladderI would love it if we could detach the word "discipline" from "hitting" and "spanking" (i.e., "you need to discipline your child" usually means "you need to spank"). Discipline is MUCH more than that and, as you guys have already commented, sometimes does not involve spanking at all. <br /><br />Glad you are seeking parenting classes.
Helpful Tips
Help kids learn to swallow pills
I found this inexpensive but clever cup a few years ago, and it helped my kids learn to swallow pills without a fuss: ... More
Was this Helpful?
15
of
24 found this helpful
-
Parenting and health tweets from Dr Roy
-
Predicting adult height !
-
Why there's sometimes a wait at the doctor's-- and how to avoid it
Helpful Resources
Expert Blog
Child Health 411 - Ari Brown, MD
Educated parents are empowered parents! Get clear answers to your parenting questions from Dr. Ari Brown...Read More
Recent Posts
- So Long, Farewell 08/30/2010
- Eggs, Salmonella, and Food Poisoning, Oh My! 08/27/2010
- Back-to-School Checklist 08/24/2010
- “Do You Take or Buy Your Lunch?” 08/20/2010
- Is It Strep? 08/18/2010
Related News
Related Drug Reviews
- Drug Name User Reviews
Report Problems to the
Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Other Parenting Information
- Parenting Health Center
- Parenting Preteens and Teenagers Member Community Talk with other moms and dads like you!
- Autism Support Group Get support from other parents of children with Autism!
-
More Related Communities
The opinions expressed in WebMD User-generated content areas like communities, reviews, ratings, or blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. User-generated content areas are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service, or treatment.
Do not consider WebMD User-generated content as medical advice. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.
Health Solutions From Our Sponsors
About WebMD Advertise With Us Terms of Use Privacy Policy Sponsor Policy Site Map Careers Contact Us
First Aid WebMD Magazine WebMD Health Record WebMD Mobile Newsletters Dictionary Physician Directory
©2005-2013 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.