I guess I should start with my sons background. When he was three almost four years old he was in a car accident with my wife. My wife didn't make it. She was pronounced dead at the scene. Well the wreck was outside of town so it took the paremedics some time to get there. So my son had to watch and listen to his mom die. Needless to say he didnt come out of that ok. He was fine physically, thank God. But he was and still is an emotional mess. I have been in the Army for about ten years in special ops. I have been in three different campains and have been deployed about a dozen times now. I have seen plenty of grown men that would break in that situation. Anyway, for the first six months after I couldn't even go to the bathroom without him having an anxiety attack. He would not let me out of his sight. It's been over six years now and he is makig great progress. He is pretty good for the most part. about the only problem I have with him now is bed time. He will sleep in his ow bed in his room but I have to lay down with him until he falls asleep. Which sometimes takes awhile. Its even worse if we are not at home. If I am at a womas house and decide I want to stay over I will make him a bed on her couch or something and have to lay with him for hours until he falls asleep. He wont get up and come find me or anything like that. But he will lay there and cry literally all night long. I tried to just make him lay there one nite and he was awake crying until 4:30 in the morning. I feel horrible laying in bed listening to him cry like that. And it isnt like he is screaming or anything. I dont think its for attention, he just lays there quitely and cries all night. I have tried to have relationships and they never work out because of this problem. Every woman I have dated long enough to start to have a physical relationship with thinks its uhealthy that I have to lay in bed with my 11 year old son. The last girl I dated told me it was weird and made her uncomfortable. So I guess Im asking if this is weird for me to do this? Surely I cant be the only parent that has to hold their child until they fall asleep. Even if he is 11 years old. Is it my fault, am I babying him to much? I admit I cant stand to hear him cry like that. He is a good kid. Never gets in trouble at school, doesn't talk back, does what he is told. He has plenty of friends. Its just his oe thing. And like I said, I can't stand to know he is laying in the other room sad and crying. Even if I cant see him or hear him I know he is and it kills me. I have had friends die in front of me, seen them scream when they have a leg shot off. But I would rather live through that every night than to know my little boy that I love more than life itself is alone and scared and crying the next room over. I just cant do it. So is it my fault? Should I toughen up and just deal with it? Or is tghis something that will fix its self with time? Like I said earlier he is getting better. Its just his one thing we cant get passed.
I didnt realize that was going to be so long. And I would also like to say that I dont sleep around all the time. I have met three women that I dated long enough that I felt would be appropriate to sleep over.
First off I am sorry about your wife and that your son had to witness this. Is he in any sort of counseling? Its not your fault that he lays there crying. There is still something going on with him (maybe reliving what happened when he lays in the quiet. People tend to think to much when they are alone-atleast it is in most cases). I would not let my child lay there crying like that either. It may pass on its own but it may not. It may be something that he needs to talk to someone about to help him move past the fears at night. Because clearly there is somethng that is missing. Best wishes.I hope that he is able to overcome this and that the girls you do date will get over it. Your a good dad for being concerned and do whats necessary to keep your son comfortable.
We see a counsler together once a month. He is doing so much better. Especially in the past year. Its just this one last hurdle. I never thought I was doing anything wrong. I love my son and dont like to know he is hurting. After the first woman I tried to have something with brought it up I got mad at her and stopped seeing her. The second time I started thinking maybe it is my fault. And now this last one really got me thinking. But Im glad Im not "weird" and "not normal" as I was told. If those women dont want to be patient with my son and I then they dont deserve us. I should have never let anybody make me feel like I was doing something wrong. Thank You so much for your feedback.
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