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    Help! 5year old trouble at school/home
    dna316 posted:
    Hi I am really frustrated and dont know what to do.
    Jaden my 5 year old started kindergarten this year, his teacher constantly tells me that he is disruptive in class, he hits and throws things, doesnt listen or do his assignments.

    When he is good, he is great, helping the teacher and doing his work and also helping other students.

    But as of late he has been very very bad, simply not listening or doing anything he is told.
    The mother and i are separated so Jaden and his sister 3yr old Bella spend half the time with me and half the time with their mother.
    They dont listen at all at their mothers house, when they are with me they get a little crazy but when i put my foot down they stop and obey.

    Obviously the mother and i do things differently and let them get away with different things.

    My biggest concern is that he might one day get kicked out of school. also who wants to be the parent of that kid other parents tell their kids not to hang out with cause hes trouble or whatever. I dont know what to do. I talk to him calmly and i try to tell him that not listening will get him in trouble, i have tried taking toys from him and putting him in time out and rewarding him and trying to redirect. none of this seems to be working. WHAT DO I DO???
    lissmeanstrouble responded:
    Im sorry to hear you are having a hard time with your son, I have a friend whos son got in a fight and was suspended from kindergarten for a week for hitting a boy in the eye and biting. I think he is doing better now, but she is worried the other kids are picking on him cause he said it was self defense. I guess you and mom dont want to get together and collaberate some behavioral structures for him to have in both home? Is mom in denial about it?
    winddancer1 responded:
    The obvious response is he is acting out due to the separation and inconsistency in the home. It might be time foe a little family therapy. Try a reward system for the good days. Something small like 20 minutes in the park, or he chooses one part do the dinner. Both you and your ex need to be on board for this....the hard part. The teacher could send a daily e mail or a little chart with a smiley face or sad face or something to help you with this.
    Raven951 responded:
    Dear dna316,

    It's my experience that often, when children "act out" they are looking for some sort of attention. Obviously, the tantrums cause a negative reaction instead of a positive one, but they are still getting that attention that they are craving. It's how the parent or teacher responds to it that is important.

    Have you thought about maybe sharing being a "Room Parent/Helper" for his kindergarten class? Maybe you could go one day and then your ex could go the next time. Most schools have some sort of parent involvement program, especially for kindergarten since it is a transition year from staying at home or day care into school. That way, you could actually see how he interacts with his teacher and school mates. Plus, he would feel very special that his parent was there. If it was a once a month occurance, whether it was with you or your ex, you could sit down with him and plan out the day, including taking lunch which he could also help pack.

    Also, is your son's kindergarten a half day or full day? If it is a full day, he may be having difficulty adjusting to being away from his previous care giver for so long, whether it is a parent, nanny, or a day care worker.

    One other thing that you may consider is the actual work. Is he perhaps having a hard time reading? Is he able to see the board; does he need glasses, etc? When does he usually get upset? Is it during art, math, reading, quiet time, etc. Something that might help is actually working on difficult subjects at home more or even "Playing School." You could even involve his sister and make it seem like a game which might even help Bella to look forward to school. Not only would they be able to spend more time with you, but they could spend more time together as siblings.

    Good Luck and Blessings to you and your family,
    daisygerbera responded:
    My son is a very much like how you described you son, when he is good he is very good, but when he is in a bad mood, he has trouble in class. Last year he was in kindergarten and his teacher was very helpful. They worked out a way where when Tyler didn't feel like joining class activity, he can go and sit by himself. I went on a day trip with the class to the museum and I saw first hand how my son would get frustrated and he would go sulk in a corner but not be disruptive. Now that he is in grade 1 he is doing better. Still the occasional incident, but with those the teacher usually finds out what was bothering him. For example, one time he wasn't as fast with his reading and had to finish his work during recess and that caused frustration and eventually acting out. Hopefully this can give you some idea to work with the teacher. Also, my husband spoils our son more than I do and I think this is very much the root cause of the problem.
    Boyzmomee replied to daisygerbera's response:
    Joint counseling with both mom and dad to get on board to provide structure and support for this little boy. Consistancy is important as well.
    jenniferboek responded:
    I am having the same problem with the little girl I have custody of. I am not trying to make this her story but I feel I have to give some sort of backround. Family and Childrens service is involved and I'm her great aunt. My husband and I have had her for 1 yr and 1/2. Father non existant and mother is undesirable and incompetent. See's her daughter 4x a week. Bad influence.
    I was wondering if you had any ideas??? I need help. We are going the counciling route and all that but I need help
    momuv4girls replied to jenniferboek's response:
    That's really good you are going the counseling route - good idea.

    Has your little one seen the counselor yet?

    Is she in school, and how old is she?

    Thanks for the additional info.

    myhappyface responded:
    I have seen a family program that works well with all sides. It is called The Happy Face Token System . It can be used interchangeably with each family and the kids respond well to it because they can use the list from each family to earn tokens from. This token system was discussed by a family therapist I know and has had really good results with it. It helps blend family members and allows the children to gain sibling confidence and sense of community within the new family dynamic. Each child earns tokens for individual behavior and compliance. The program is discussed in great detail in a book called: From Combat Zone to Love at Home and shows step-by-step detail with family meetings, setting up the program and how to's that help assure family success. I thought it was remarkable that the author, Debbie Preece, guarantees this program for 30 days. I don't know of any parenting expert that does that.
    Good luck
    mariajohnson responded:
    He might be behaving this way due to your separation with your wife and he might be disturbed. You need to handle him calmly and with love. Do not be rude or very strict to him just try to find out what does he feel and why do he behave this way.
    An_256677 responded:
    what did you end up doing? I am in a similar situation that has been going on for awhile but my child has progressively getting worse (over the past 3 yrs) & we going to family counseling nothing helps its to the point I am considering giving up my child.

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