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6-year-old Being Picked On - Help me!
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An_250971 posted:
Hello all,
I have a daughter in 5 year old Kindergarten (she just turned 6 in January). I really need help with a social problem she is having at school so please bear with me as I want to give you all the information I can think of that may help.
She is a great kid (obviously I'm biased) but we've never had any issues with her in the way of behavior. She's an only child, average height, normal weight, and is very polite. We live in a very small town, and she attends a very small school (4K-12th grade in one building). ?She has a cousin that lives down the road from us, but other than that she doesn't get to play around others very often, just school mainly. She was never in and is not currently in daycare, or part of a play group or anything. (as I said...small town)
I was a stay at home mom until this past fall when I started nursing school. However, I did not consider this to be a huge change in our lives, as I only go a few days a week and only once a week am I gone when she is not at school. I get done at 5pm. On these days she stays at her grandmas house (also next door to us) for about an hour until I pick her up. (I should also mention that where my husband and I live is next door to my father in law on one side of us, my mother in law lives next door to him two houses down with my sister in law [mother and daughter living together>, and two houses in the other direction is my sister in law and husband/kids. We all happen to live right in a row of each other because my father in law owns quite a bit of land on the street, and has parceled some of it off to all of his three kids and they all decided to put houses on it-- 4 houses all right by each other within walking distance)
She has always been a great behaved child, she always says please and thank you, I can probably count on both my hands the number of time outs she has had in her life. She's just a very sweet girl. Parents often remark to me out in public at a place like McDonald's play place or walmart what a wonderful kid she is and how polite she is. I swear, I am not tooting my own horn, she's just always had a very polite, sweet disposition since day 1.
She had a small problem with shyness in 4k, and perhaps the beginning of 5K. She tends to be a little quiet at times, and is shy approaching new children. Give her a boost of confidence and couple minutes though, and she'll warm up to just about anyone and go say Hi. She seemed to come out of her shell a little bit after the beginning of the school year went by. She talked a lot about friends, having fun at school, and I didn't suspect there to be any problems. Her teacher did say at the November conferences of last year that she tends to play on her own and needed a nudge to play with others. We discussed it but she didn't say it was a bad problem, just usually on days other than Mondays and Wednesdays. (Her cousin who lives a couple houses down from us is in 4K this year. 4K-ers only go to school twice a week and when her cousin goes on Monday's and Wednesday's that is usually who she plays with. They are very close.)
She's a very bright kid. She knew her alphabet, numbers, and letter sounds before 4K, and was reading before kindergarten. We just had conferences in Febrary again and her teacher is going to have her sit down with an assessor of some type because she is so far ahead in reading. Her teacher estimates her to be at a 3rd or 4th grade reading level. She is also doing very well in math. Her teacher said she has quite the imagination (which she does) and she "could see her growing up to be one of the brightest problem-solvers the school has seen" so we were very pleased with her. She loves to learn, and she often makes herself pretend homework at home. She is extremely proud of herself and is often proud to say "I'm so smart!" She's reading chapter books (slowly, but with minimal problems sounding out large words). She is taking our breath away!
continued...
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An_250971 responded:
She also still has a strong belief/imagination of things that she says other kids in her class know are just make believe. Like santa, and fairies in particular. She loves the disney fairies and thinks they are real. She draws them, writes about them, makes fairy houses in her room to try and catch one, etc etc. She says kids at school have told her that stuff is not real, but she continues to believe anyway and just tells me "those kids are full of bologna, I know it!"This past week though she had a couple of very big tantrums, that were totally out of character for her. She screamed, flailed, and cried at bedtime. She clung to the counter, kitchen sink, and anything she could get her hands on. Usually there is NEVER an issue with bedtime. She had another one a couple days later where she fought us over dinner and then bedtime again. A lot of screaming (blood curdling), flailing, refusing to go to bed. I could not believe it. I told her that daddy and I would talk with her tomorrow about her behavior and she said "I wont like it!" very loudly and then "I'LL PUNCH MYSELF!" which worried me quite a bit. She then said that "I just won't wake up tomorrow" and I asked why and she said "So you and Dad can't talk to me!" We did discuss it the next day about why the behavior was so inappropriate, discussed ways we could correct it, she apologized and it seemed like we could put it all behind us. Then we asked her about school and how things were going there. She then cried and told us that nobody likes her and she isn't allowed to play with the girls she wants to. Here are some things she told us:
-Girls will move to different seats because (she says) they don't want to sit by her
-The girls at recess tell her she can't play with them because (she says) they don't like her.
-Nobody likes me
-I'm all alone
-One boy said she was stinky (this just happened today)
She actually cried about it and I had to try my hardest not to cry just listening to her tell us about it. I had no idea! She wants to play with this group of girls at recess and she said they won't let her. The one girl she said is the boss and tells everyone what to do so she doesn't want to play with them anyway. (But I don't believe that). She came home today and told me one of the boys said shes stinky and she said to me " i told him I'm not! I took a shower last night!" and then said she doesn't try to go up to the girls anymore because they "never let me play with them. It makes me feel sad and all alone. Its just all the girls and then just me a couple other people by ourselves".
My heart is breaking and I don't know what to do. I've told her to tell her teacher if the kids are being mean but I'm torn over that advice now. I don't want her to be a tattle tale. I want to encourage her to make friends, but not if they are kids with that kind of attitude. I don't want her exposed to that. Help!! Seeing my daughter cry and say that no one likes her is tearing me apart. I have no experience with this, she's an only child, and I am just lost. I have no idea what to do.
 
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momuv4girls replied to An_250971's response:
Hi,

Ok, first off, I would have a long talk with your daughters teacher (and include the Principal), just you and your husband and get down to what is going on in class, and find out who is supervising out on the play-yard.

It is the schools responsibility to make sure all the children are safe on the play ground - physically and mentally. If the children are being unkind and down right mean to your daughter, this needs to be addressed - the yard duties need to intervene.

It sounds to me from your description, that your daughter's melt-downs are stress related, and this is how she is letting out the stress she feels at school.

I wouldn't wait, call the teacher (and Principal) and set up a meeting ASAP.
After your meeting, you and your husband can figure out if the school is willing to step-up and support your daughter by providing more supervision / structure outside - - or........if not, you may want to explore other school options in your area.

Let me know how it goes, I know as a mother this is heartbreaking!
Take care,
-Kathleen
 
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lyns87 replied to momuv4girls's response:
Thank you, I definitely want to get in touch with her teacher but after talking about it with my husband, he would rather give it a week and see if we can help her to sort it out on her own. But every fiber of my being is screaming NO! I want to get this dealt with and talk to her teacher asap. My thoughts are that if there are other things she is not telling us, who better to know than the teacher who spends all day with her? Maybe it won't help but at least they are then put on notice to keep an eye out for her being picked on. I don't want to contact the teacher behind his back, but I feel like I have no other choice. This is breaking my heart


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