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    In-laws a bit too helpful! Advice?
    avatar
    blossom_dearie posted:
    DH is a stay-at home father to DS (13 months old). My MIL comes over every weekday to help him and to spend time with DS, and FIL comes along 1-2 times per week (both are retired). This is very helpful to DH, because DS is very active and still not sleeping through the night. With his parents coming over, DH is able to take a nap, and he also uses their car to run errands. MIL often brings food, and does the dishes etc. DS also benefits greatly from having loving grandparents to play with and learn from.

    My only concern in this seemingly ideal situation is, how do I get them them leave once I am home? I get home at 4:30 but they always stick around till 5:30 or 6.

    My MIL, especially, seems very reluctant to leave. Sometimes, FIL will say "let's go" ... but she says no, we'll stay and feed DS his dinner. If DH or I protest that we can feed him his dinner, she says "it's ok, I can do it". If I take DS out for a walk or to the playground, she comes along. I think it's a combination of wanting to help us, and also enjoying DS's company and perhaps not having enough hobbies to fill her time at home.

    I don't want to seem ungrateful; however I want more 1:1 time with my child. I'd like to feed him his dinner or take him for a walk on my own. Also, I'm a private person and would just like to come home to DH and DS. The other thing is, I often feel that DS is not as attached to me as to his father and grandparents, and maybe more 1:1 time would help that.

    I want to tread very carefully here so as not to hurt their feelings. Also, obviously, the whole situation is very beneficial to DH so I don't want to ruin that for us!

    Note that we don't pay them for any of this (though we sometimes help out financially when there is a need), so I feel really bad complaining about this. Should I just suck it up?

    Thanks in advance for any advice! I have also posted this question on the "Couples Coping" board.
    Reply
     
    avatar
    momuv4girls responded:
    I think it is totally reasonable for the in-laws to scoot out the door within 10-minutes of you coming home from work.

    I also believe that your husband should be the one to tell them - not you.
    In my opinion, your husband should have a "chat" with both his parents in the morning (when you are at work), and let them know how much you both appreciate their help, love, time and influence in your son's life, but that the 3-of you need some quiet family bonding time once you return home from work.

    If he puts it in a lovingly, appreciative tone, then they should not get their feelings hurt, and be supportive of your family time alone.
    He could also add, that the 5 of you will make plans once or twice a month on a Saturday to do a group outing, like the zoo, or a park or dinner.....something along those lines, and if you guys can afford to pay for it, then letting them know its your treat would be an added bonus!

    I hope this helps a bit? Take care!
    -Kathleen
     
    avatar
    scperdomo7 responded:
    I completely agree with momuv4girls!

    You are not being unreasonable at all and you should not "suck it up". You have a right to come home and be able to spend time with your husband and child without your in-laws hovering.

    They get to spend all day with their son and grandson, you are absolutely entitled to those precious hours after you get home.

    Does you husband share this sentiment? That will go a long way in him getting on board to have a chat and set some boundaries for what should happen when you get home. There really is no reason that they could leave prior to you coming home. AND there is absolutely nothing wrong with you letting them know when its times to go if they continue to outwarm their welcome.

    Best wishes!!!


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